DEAR ABBY: I am 11. My sister, "Brittany," is 9. She always tries to make me feel dumb and little. She makes fun of everything I do and cracks rude comments about me. She kisses up to everyone else and makes them think she's an angel.

I am fed up with Brittany's smart-alecky comments and rudeness. She constantly annoys me because we have the same room. She thinks it's a huge joke that I am going through puberty and holds her nose around me all the time.

I have tried talking to her, my parents, my grandparents, and anyone else who will listen. They think we are "just being sisters" and that I complain too much. Help! -- FED UP IN GREENVILLE, S.C.

DEAR FED UP: Your sister is acting like a brat because she is only 9 and she's jealous of you. Please try to keep that in mind when she makes you feel "dumb" and "little," because you are neither.

When Brittany teases you about going through puberty, remind her that in a few years she will be going through the exact same thing -- and how will she like you holding your nose around her?

Puberty is a difficult time under the best circumstances, and sharing a room with a little pest can make it even more so. Perhaps that room could be rearranged so that you both have some degree of privacy? Think about it and discuss it with your mother, because it is doable.

DEAR ABBY: I recently ended a three-year relationship, and afterward I found out my ex had fathered a child while we were together. This is not the reason I ended the relationship because I didn't know about it until after it was over.

When I told our mutual friends that I knew, a few of them told me they had known the whole time, but were "giving him the opportunity to be a man and tell me himself." I feel hurt and betrayed because no one told me the truth. One of these "friends" was my own sister -- which has obviously put a strain on our relationship. What should I do? -- BETRAYED IN FORT SMITH, ARK.

DEAR BETRAYED: Although you were told the reason they kept silent was to "give (your ex) the opportunity to be a man and tell you himself," it may also have been that they didn't want to hurt you. In other words, it was a misguided effort to protect you. So please try to forgive them. (That includes your sister.) And be grateful to the Lord above that you didn't waste any more time on that philandering jerk.

DEAR ABBY: I always read the advice you give everyone. I am depressed. Since childhood, I have always been a problem child. I always have this sense of loneliness in me. Due to that, I'm not very active. I never want to marry. I wish to remain alone. According to our customs here in Kuwait, marriage is compulsory. But I do not want to marry!

I am a business student, and I wish to take a psychology course so I can be away from my parents and family. I want to be by myself. I just hate being with them. Am I doing the right thing? -- MIDDLE EASTERN GIRL

DEAR MIDDLE EASTERN GIRL: I agree with you that the reason you feel the way you do could be depression. Depression and feelings of isolation often feed upon each other -- each making the other worse.

I see no harm in your taking a psychology course; such courses can be helpful. However, if there is a student health center at your school, my advice is to talk to a counselor there about your feelings. You need professional help beyond what I can offer in a letter.

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DEAR ABBY: I had to write after reading the letter from "Baby O.D." about the "proud daddy" who brings photos of his child to work weekly to show co-workers. I have a co-worker who does the same thing. She brings photos, stories, videotapes, you name it, of her children to work.

Usually the stories are mundane and go something like this: "My child made a heart-shaped paper at school today. She used her purple scissors and smiled at her teacher while doing it. She's right-handed, just like me. Last week, she made a star-shaped paper," and on and on.

I learned to smile politely and to excuse myself after 60 seconds. Others, feeling obligated, would stand and listen to her droning even though there was work to be done.

Co-workers who are not parents have confided that "diaper talks" between mothers are extremely disgusting to be subjected to during lunchtime. For the record, I'm a mother, but I save my "kid talk" for after work. If the subject arises during lunchtime, I make it short so others have a chance to talk, too. -- BEEN THERE IN OREGON

DEAR BEEN THERE: That's because you are someone with social sensitivity. This isn't a problem that happens only with new parents. Grandparents can also be guilty of it. Read on for a sample of the comments that letter generated because some of them are a hoot.

DEAR ABBY: The letter about the "proud daddy" brought to mind a wonderfully funny incident that occurred a number of years ago on a trip through central Asia. We had a grandmother on the trip who, at the slightest inducement, would whip out a veritable Jacob's ladder of her grandchildren's photos and show them to anyone who could not get out of the way in time.

One evening, while relaxing after a terrific meal in northern India, the grandmother turned to Bob, an older bachelor seated next to me, and said, "Bob, have I ever showed you photos of my grandchildren?" "No," Bob replied, "you have not. And thank you so much!" -- STILL LAUGHING IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR ABBY: We solved this issue in our office by converting one whole bulletin board into a "Sharing Board" for moms, dads, grannies, aunties, etc. We can all look at it at our leisure (or not), and the pictures can be displayed for a longer period of time as well. Maybe "O.D." could start up a board in their office. We all like to "show off" our treasures! -- HAPPY GRANNY IN CINCINNATI

DEAR ABBY: My co-worker and I had the same problem. He talked about his dogs too much; I talked about my kid too much. It took a while, but now when I go overboard, he starts talking about his dogs, and vice versa. After a few minutes, we just change the subject. It's not confrontational -- and it works! -- PROUD MOM, NAPA, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: Recent research has identified the unique contribution of fathers in the development and success of young children. Mothers often receive support for parenting, but fathers are often left out of the picture. Teachers often phone a child's home and, if the father answers, the teacher will ask for the mother.

When fathers are present, the child benefits from an increased sense of playfulness, improved communication skills, higher self-esteem (especially in girls), higher academic achievement and higher financial security. I say hats off to fathers who are so involved that they proudly display pictures of their children. -- JANET D., HUNTINGTON, W.VA.

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DEAR ABBY: A few weeks ago, my partner and I received an invitation to a friend's 50th birthday party. The invitation stated, "No gag gifts."

A few hours before the party, my partner came home with a bag full of gag gifts, including Preparation H, Depends, etc. That's when the argument started. I told him I would not go to the party if he brought those gifts. I feel they are insulting, and those kinds of gifts are not funny anymore -- especially when the invitation specifies no gag gifts. I have seen those kinds of gifts a hundred times.

As a result, we did not attend the party. How do you feel about gag gifts? Who's right and who's wrong? -- TOO SENSITIVE IN RENO

DEAR TOO SENSITIVE: While I do not condone mentioning gifts -- gag gifts or otherwise -- on an invitation, the host, and presumably the honoree, had made their wishes known. You are not "too sensitive"; you were socially appropriate. For your partner to have ignored the invitation would have been rude and insensitive.

I have nothing against gag gifts if they are original, funny and tasteful. Frankly, I think in this case, by not attending, you spared yourself embarrassment and did the honoree a favor.

DEAR ABBY: My grandmother is 88 and in good health. She has lived with my dad's sister ("Aunt Joy") and her family since Grandpa died nine years ago.

Grandma doesn't have a mother-in-law suite or anything like that -- just her own bedroom and bath -- but she pays them between $600 and $700 in rent every month.

Furthermore, Aunt Joy charges Grandma a percentage of everything they do to improve the house. Aunt Joy had granite countertops put in; Grandma paid $1,200 for the use of them. They also had a fence installed and charged Grandma 25 percent of the cost.

I think my aunt is very materialistic. She uses Grandma and her money to get what she wants. Grandma isn't rich, but she has enough to live on her own if she wanted to.

It's also interesting that their daughter, who is 27, lives with them and pays no rent at all. Why should my grandma have to pay so much and my cousin nothing?

My parents would love for Grandma to come and live here in our guestroom for free, but we live 1,200 miles away. Dad doesn't want to create a rift in the family, but shouldn't he draw the line somewhere?

My aunt and uncle call themselves Christians, but taking advantage of an elderly woman doesn't seem very Christian to me. How should something like this be dealt with? How should Dad handle it? -- PERTURBED IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR PERTURBED: I don't know what kind of conversations are going on in your house about Grandma, but they are not something you should be involved with. If your father feels his mother is being taken advantage of, he should talk to her about it and tell her -- if he hasn't already -- that he and your mother would love to have her live with you rent-free. After that, the decision about where she wants to live and how she wants to conduct her life should be up to her.

As it stands, Grandma seems to have chosen to live with her daughter and agreed to the terms. Some mothers feel closer to their daughters than to their sons. It's a girl thing.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)