DEAR ABBY: I was recently informed by the parent of a close friend of my 8-year-old daughter, "Emma," that Emma had been "beating up" her daughter. When we confronted Emma about it, she admitted it but could not explain why. Emma has also been verbally abusive to the girl, putting her down or stopping her in mid-sentence to constantly "correct" her.

Abby, Emma's a straight-A student, loved by all of her other friends, their parents, her teachers, our pastor, etc. She's involved in theater, sings, dances, ice skates competitively, cheerleads, races motocross and plays piano. She is very well-behaved at home, and we have no trouble with her. I just don't understand what's going on. When I ask her, she doesn't have an explanation, but truly feels bad for hurting her friend.

The girls are no longer allowed to be friends. This is damaging for us parents because we were all very close and did a lot together. We camped, fished, hung out, etc. Help! What do I do? -- CLUELESS IN ESCONDIDO

DEAR CLUELESS: Children sometimes pick on other children they perceive as weaker. Some do it out of anger; others do it simply because they "can." Your daughter may have done it because she is overscheduled, and her friend was the only thing in her life she could control.

I'm not sure it is realistic of you to expect your 8-year-old to completely understand why she has acted out against someone who is supposed to be a friend in this way. But I'll bet a child psychologist could provide some insight -- and also help you teach your daughter that there are more appropriate and effective ways of dealing with her emotions than victimizing someone who can't fight back.

DEAR ABBY: My mother has had a "best friend" for many years. "Joan" has had many problems in her life that Mom has seen her through. Joan has helped my mother through some rough times, too, particularly through the death of my father 10 years ago.

Joan can sometimes be very difficult to be around because she constantly seeks attention and tends to become rather dramatic. She seems to take pleasure in the idea she has it worse than anyone else.

A few weeks ago, Joan, who is a massage therapist, was giving a massage to my best friend, "Becky." Becky later informed me that during the 45-minute massage, Joan bad-mouthed my mother and disclosed some personal problems that Mom has confided to Joan.

Should I tell my mom about this? It would crush her if I do; my mom has been through some big changes and isn't exactly emotionally stable at the moment. But I can't let Joan go around bad-mouthing my mom, her supposed "friend."

Should I tell my mother that Joan is leaking personal information about her to other people? Or should I confront Joan? -- OUTRAGED IN SAN ANGELO, TEXAS

DEAR OUTRAGED: Do not fight this battle for your mother. She needs to be told that she's pouring out her heart into a leaky vessel. However, because she is "not exactly stable," you will have to find a way to do it in a manner that won't roil the waters.

The first thing to do is to cool your outrage so you don't cause your mother to overreact. Then find a way to do it with humor. "You know, Mom, we both know that Joan isn't the sharpest tool in the shed ..." Once your mother stops providing Joan with information, she'll have nothing to talk about.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I want to thank you for an article you wrote that my mother kept for my nephew. Because of it, my 13-year-old son is now cured from bed-wetting. You had mentioned Hargitt House Foundation for helping children who wet the bed. Well, after only nine weeks, my son is dry! He can now enjoy going to sleep-overs when he was too embarrassed to go anywhere overnight.

My sanity has returned. You don't know how angry I felt to wake up to all those urine-soaked sheets every morning. I know I should not have gotten angry with him, but when you are frustrated every day, it wears on you. I know it wasn't his fault or anything that he did wrong. I feel so guilty for treating him as if it were.

My son is truly a different child now. They changed his diet, he is more rested, and he is joyful and pleasant to be around. Thanks so much to you and to Hargitt House for allowing my son to have his self-esteem back. -- TRACEY IN TEXAS

DEAR TRACEY: Thank you for your complimentary letter, but the letter to which you are referring appeared in my late aunt Ann Landers' column in 1994 or 1995. I am pleased, however, to offer the Hargitt House Foundation as a resource to my readers.

Bed-wetting is a problem that is shared by children and adults worldwide, and members of both sexes. Its sufferers come from all races and socioeconomic classes, and yet it is something that is rarely discussed -- a deep, dark "family secret" kept behind closed doors. Bed-wetters often suffer from low self-esteem and an overwhelming sense of shame. And tragically, some children are abused because of it.

The Hargitt House Foundation has helped many children and their parents overcome the problem of bed-wetting. For more information about its program, write: The Hargitt House Foundation, P.O. Box 130342, The Woodlands, TX 77393; on the Web, visit www.hargitthousefoundation.com, or e-mail info@hargitthousefoundation.com.

DEAR ABBY: Until recently, I lived happily in my apartment complex. All that changed when some neighbors moved in. "Greg" and his girlfriend, "Suzy," smoke what I believe is marijuana. I let the landlord know, and she had a talk with them. Of course they denied everything and swore that they do not smoke anything in their room. The landlord then spoke to me and said there is not much he can do about the problem.

Abby, the smell is terrible. My closet abuts the area in which they smoke, and my clothing is permeated. People have asked me if I smoke dope. I tell them I don't, and leave it at that.

My concern is that I will be working for a school district soon and I'm afraid my colleagues may think the same thing, and it will put me in a bad light with the school administration. My neighbors smoke 24/7, and I don't know what other options I have. My landlord says they have to be caught in the act. Have you any advice? Please keep this strictly anonymous because I'm afraid of retribution. -- SMOKED OUT IN TEXAS

DEAR SMOKED OUT: Your landlord copped out. Because your neighbors are smoking "24/7," they could be using something stronger than marijuana. Pick up the phone and notify the police about your problem. Because the stench has traveled through the walls (or vents), it's time the matter was properly investigated and a stop is put to it.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 11. My sister, "Brittany," is 9. She always tries to make me feel dumb and little. She makes fun of everything I do and cracks rude comments about me. She kisses up to everyone else and makes them think she's an angel.

I am fed up with Brittany's smart-alecky comments and rudeness. She constantly annoys me because we have the same room. She thinks it's a huge joke that I am going through puberty and holds her nose around me all the time.

I have tried talking to her, my parents, my grandparents, and anyone else who will listen. They think we are "just being sisters" and that I complain too much. Help! -- FED UP IN GREENVILLE, S.C.

DEAR FED UP: Your sister is acting like a brat because she is only 9 and she's jealous of you. Please try to keep that in mind when she makes you feel "dumb" and "little," because you are neither.

When Brittany teases you about going through puberty, remind her that in a few years she will be going through the exact same thing -- and how will she like you holding your nose around her?

Puberty is a difficult time under the best circumstances, and sharing a room with a little pest can make it even more so. Perhaps that room could be rearranged so that you both have some degree of privacy? Think about it and discuss it with your mother, because it is doable.

DEAR ABBY: I recently ended a three-year relationship, and afterward I found out my ex had fathered a child while we were together. This is not the reason I ended the relationship because I didn't know about it until after it was over.

When I told our mutual friends that I knew, a few of them told me they had known the whole time, but were "giving him the opportunity to be a man and tell me himself." I feel hurt and betrayed because no one told me the truth. One of these "friends" was my own sister -- which has obviously put a strain on our relationship. What should I do? -- BETRAYED IN FORT SMITH, ARK.

DEAR BETRAYED: Although you were told the reason they kept silent was to "give (your ex) the opportunity to be a man and tell you himself," it may also have been that they didn't want to hurt you. In other words, it was a misguided effort to protect you. So please try to forgive them. (That includes your sister.) And be grateful to the Lord above that you didn't waste any more time on that philandering jerk.

DEAR ABBY: I always read the advice you give everyone. I am depressed. Since childhood, I have always been a problem child. I always have this sense of loneliness in me. Due to that, I'm not very active. I never want to marry. I wish to remain alone. According to our customs here in Kuwait, marriage is compulsory. But I do not want to marry!

I am a business student, and I wish to take a psychology course so I can be away from my parents and family. I want to be by myself. I just hate being with them. Am I doing the right thing? -- MIDDLE EASTERN GIRL

DEAR MIDDLE EASTERN GIRL: I agree with you that the reason you feel the way you do could be depression. Depression and feelings of isolation often feed upon each other -- each making the other worse.

I see no harm in your taking a psychology course; such courses can be helpful. However, if there is a student health center at your school, my advice is to talk to a counselor there about your feelings. You need professional help beyond what I can offer in a letter.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

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