DEAR ABBY: My mother and father have been separated for four years. They are not yet divorced. A year ago, Dad started dating this woman from another country. She is not a U.S. citizen; she is here on a work visa. Well, she wanted to get married, and Dad never told her that he was still married to my mother. They ended up being married last month. Needless to say, I was not happy to hear about it.

Dad told me he had filed the papers and his lawyer told him it was OK for him to go ahead and get married. I called my mother a few days after the wedding; she has never received any papers regarding a divorce. On his marriage license to this new woman, it says that Dad divorced my mother in 2004. I went to the courthouse, and there is no record that a divorce ever happened.

So my father is married to this new woman and it's not legal. What should I do? Should I tell my mother and get my father in trouble? -- STRESSED IN N. CAROLINA

DEAR STRESSED: Your mother should absolutely be told, so she can consult an attorney and her local police. Your father is guilty of fraud and bigamy, which is a felony. And the poor deluded woman your father is leading to believe is his wife should also be informed. Being given that information now would be far kinder than receiving it when her visa elapses and she must leave the country.

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law recently accused my 6-year-old daughter -- her granddaughter -- of stealing jewelry from her. She called me one day and made the accusation. I was stunned at the undertone and the manner in which she approached me. I know for a fact that my daughter did not take anything from her. There were other grandchildren in the house as well.

I told my mother-in-law that I didn't think my daughter had stolen anything, as she was with me the entire time we were there, but that I'd talk to her about it to make sure. My daughter confirmed what I already knew, and I believe her.

My mother-in-law has now called two of my sisters-in-law to tell them that I need to "control that girl" and "that girl is so devious she probably threw the jewelry away to keep from getting into trouble" -- and that if she did, I would cover it up to protect her, which I would never do.

I don't know why she's treating my little girl like this. How should I respond? She has also told my sister-in-law that I'm going to make a "big deal" out of this and "turn her son (my husband) against her." I am hurt and lost and don't know how to handle this. She's bad-mouthing my child to all the family members. -- APPALLED IN HOUSTON

DEAR APPALLED: If you haven't already done so, you need to talk to your husband about this. It might also be helpful to speak to your sisters-in-law. I say this because it is possible that their mother needs to be neurologically and physically evaluated. Among the symptoms of dementia are losing things and paranoia that someone is stealing from the sufferer.

If your mother-in-law is of sound mind, then it is also possible she harbors a resentment toward you for some reason and is now directing it at your child. If that turns out to be the reason for her behavior, then common sense would dictate that you limit your child's exposure to her.

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DEAR ABBY: My mother is in her early 40s. She has four children, including me. I am married and have two children of my own. Still living at home are my brother, 17, a sister, 14, and the 1-year-old baby, "Michelle." Michelle is from another guy.

Mom purposely got pregnant, knowing that "Tom" didn't want a child. Needless to say, they are no longer together, and Tom has nothing to do with Michelle. Mom is having problems with my brother and sister. They choose not to listen and have been in trouble with the law.

My mom is no longer working. She spends her days with the baby. She recently let slip that she wishes she could just die. She wants to commit suicide because she is just so depressed. No work, no child care, the kids don't listen, and she just isn't getting anywhere.

She said the only reason she won't do it is because she doesn't want to leave me with the burden of caring for her baby. I'm attending college, my husband works, and my girls are in school.

I didn't know what to say, and Mom has now turned to alcohol. She's a great mother; she just has her hands full. I don't know if she knows she has a drinking problem, and I don't want to say it because I know she'll take offense. My little sister is not in any danger, but what can I do or say to help my mom? Oh, yes, I support my little sister already -- diapers, clothing and love. Please help me. -- DAUGHTER IN SANTA MARIA, CALIF.

DEAR DAUGHTER: When people start talking about ending their lives, that's the time to see they get medical and psychological attention. I don't know your mother, but she could be suffering from post-partum depression. (She could also simply be overwhelmed right now.) The first step in getting help for your mother is to get her to an internist or family practitioner. If she doesn't have one, then her OB/GYN would be a good place to start.

If she can't handle your brother, then perhaps he should stay with his father for a while, or some other older male in the family. If that's not feasible because he's already in trouble with the law, he may need to be made a ward of the court. Not pleasant -- but better than a life of crime begun as a teenager.

Once your mother's depression is under control, she may be less inclined to drink her troubles away. But if she continues drowning her sorrows, then Alcoholics Anonymous could help her. But only when she's ready to admit she has a problem. (They're in the phone book.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a wonderful woman for the last two years. We are trying to make it permanent, but we have one sticking point. She has several men friends, some from past relationships, that she still sees casually. She insists on spending weekends alone with them, either at their home or at her summer house in the country.

I feel this is inappropriate for someone in a serious relationship. She says I "don't trust her," and we cannot have a relationship unless I get over this attitude. Is she right? Am I being unreasonable? -- CONFUSED IN FLORIDA

DEAR CONFUSED: Not in my opinion. And I wonder how this "wonderful woman" would feel if the shoe was on the other foot.

While I see nothing wrong with old friends -- and even people who were once romantic -- sharing a meal together once in a while, I draw the line at weekends alone together. But then again, I'm not in favor of "open" relationships, either. My advice to you is to rethink making this relationship permanent.

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DEAR ABBY: I was recently informed by the parent of a close friend of my 8-year-old daughter, "Emma," that Emma had been "beating up" her daughter. When we confronted Emma about it, she admitted it but could not explain why. Emma has also been verbally abusive to the girl, putting her down or stopping her in mid-sentence to constantly "correct" her.

Abby, Emma's a straight-A student, loved by all of her other friends, their parents, her teachers, our pastor, etc. She's involved in theater, sings, dances, ice skates competitively, cheerleads, races motocross and plays piano. She is very well-behaved at home, and we have no trouble with her. I just don't understand what's going on. When I ask her, she doesn't have an explanation, but truly feels bad for hurting her friend.

The girls are no longer allowed to be friends. This is damaging for us parents because we were all very close and did a lot together. We camped, fished, hung out, etc. Help! What do I do? -- CLUELESS IN ESCONDIDO

DEAR CLUELESS: Children sometimes pick on other children they perceive as weaker. Some do it out of anger; others do it simply because they "can." Your daughter may have done it because she is overscheduled, and her friend was the only thing in her life she could control.

I'm not sure it is realistic of you to expect your 8-year-old to completely understand why she has acted out against someone who is supposed to be a friend in this way. But I'll bet a child psychologist could provide some insight -- and also help you teach your daughter that there are more appropriate and effective ways of dealing with her emotions than victimizing someone who can't fight back.

DEAR ABBY: My mother has had a "best friend" for many years. "Joan" has had many problems in her life that Mom has seen her through. Joan has helped my mother through some rough times, too, particularly through the death of my father 10 years ago.

Joan can sometimes be very difficult to be around because she constantly seeks attention and tends to become rather dramatic. She seems to take pleasure in the idea she has it worse than anyone else.

A few weeks ago, Joan, who is a massage therapist, was giving a massage to my best friend, "Becky." Becky later informed me that during the 45-minute massage, Joan bad-mouthed my mother and disclosed some personal problems that Mom has confided to Joan.

Should I tell my mom about this? It would crush her if I do; my mom has been through some big changes and isn't exactly emotionally stable at the moment. But I can't let Joan go around bad-mouthing my mom, her supposed "friend."

Should I tell my mother that Joan is leaking personal information about her to other people? Or should I confront Joan? -- OUTRAGED IN SAN ANGELO, TEXAS

DEAR OUTRAGED: Do not fight this battle for your mother. She needs to be told that she's pouring out her heart into a leaky vessel. However, because she is "not exactly stable," you will have to find a way to do it in a manner that won't roil the waters.

The first thing to do is to cool your outrage so you don't cause your mother to overreact. Then find a way to do it with humor. "You know, Mom, we both know that Joan isn't the sharpest tool in the shed ..." Once your mother stops providing Joan with information, she'll have nothing to talk about.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)