DEAR ABBY: A few months ago, my husband and I had to go back to our home state for a family funeral. We have been married more than 25 years. While we were there, his ex-wife came to his father's home (we were staying there), and later to the visitation and funeral. She and I seemed to hit it off well.

On the way home, my hubby told me she waited until I left the room, then kissed him on the cheek in front of the whole family and told him she still loves him. That's not all. I asked him if, for one minute, he was sorry he had married me. He said, and I quote, "No, but if I had known she still loved me, I would have never remarried." I was crushed.

After we got home he told me he would not leave me for her, but if I should die before him, he would be knocking on her door. That also hurt.

Abby, she hadn't seen him or anyone else in the family for 25 years! Why would she even show up at the funeral if not for wanting to see if she could get back with him? I can't seem to get over the feeling that my husband never was really in love with me -- that maybe he just married me so he would not be alone. What should I do? Should I even bring this subject up to him again? It has been five months and I am ... BROKENHEARTED IN FLORIDA

DEAR BROKENHEARTED: Your husband appears to lack sensitivity, good judgment and empathy for the feelings of others. He also appears to lack common sense, if he expected you would not take his comments personally.

I don't think raising the subject would get you the result you are looking for. But my advice is not to obsess about this. It's water under the bridge, and possession is nine points of the law. Besides, women have a longer life expectancy than men, so the odds are in your favor.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing about the letter you printed from "Wondering," whose parents don't want her to attend the same college as her brother. I think her parents should allow her to go to the same college. She will have completely different experiences than her brother -- joining different clubs, playing different sports. If her major is different, she won't even have the same classes that he does. Her college life will be entirely different because each person gets out of the experience what he or she puts into it.

Also, I do not understand her parents' statement that she look elsewhere because she has "followed her brother" through school. If they lived in the same house, then they would've attended the same schools in their district. -- PAULA IN WENONAH, N.J.

DEAR PAULA: I told "Wondering" that her parents appeared to be intelligent people, sensitive to the needs of both of their offspring, and that having a college experience entirely on her own could be a growth opportunity for her.

My reasoning was as follows: The parents know her and her brother well, their personalities, their strengths and their weaknesses. It is possible that the son has always been a "big man on campus," and "Wondering" has coasted along in his reflected glory. Or, if the reverse is true -- and the girl has always outshone her brother -- then the young man should not have to be overshadowed once again by his sibling at the same college.

That said, not one reader I heard from -- and I heard from quite a few -- agreed with my answer. Ouch!

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DEAR ABBY: There's a man in our community I'll call "Uncle Harry." Uncle Harry is in his mid-70s and considers himself one of the finest Christians in the area. Many of us, however, know this to be an exaggeration.

The main problem with Uncle Harry is his insistence on hugging almost all the women he comes in contact with. These "hugs" are not chaste, loose hugs about the shoulders. Uncle Harry insists on bear hugs, where he puts both arms around the woman and presses her breasts against his chest. Occasionally, his hands will also drift to the area of the buttocks.

Several women have complained, and family members have cautioned Uncle Harry about his behavior. He will stop temporarily, and then start up again in a few days. He has convinced himself that all these women want to hug him, but I have seen the expressions on the faces of some of his hug victims, and most are not at all happy. The women are hesitant to complain because Uncle Harry's wife IS one of the finest Christians in the area.

What can be done about Uncle Harry? I see him as a sexual predator, but he insists his hugs are just an example of his fine Christian fellowship. -- NO HUGS, PLEASE, IN ALABAMA

DEAR NO HUGS, PLEASE: Because the complaints have been ignored, a dose of aversion therapy might dampen the ardor of lecherous Uncle Harry. I recommend that the ladies who are offended by his behavior form a "united front." By this I mean, agree to put thumb tacks in your brassieres (facing outward, of course) when you know you'll be seeing him. I predict that if you do, he will hug you less enthusiastically from then on.

Seriously, any woman who objects to Uncle Harry's "hugs" needs to open her mouth and tell him so in no uncertain terms. Enough is enough.

DEAR ABBY: My 8-year-old daughter has had the same "boyfriend" since preschool almost four years ago. They play together at recess, and "Eric" has always been invited to her birthday parties. His mother, "Geneva," and I have always gotten along well and joked about the little couple.

Recently, though, Geneva learned that her son has been hugging my daughter goodbye. I have no problem with this, as I see children hug babies and friends all the time. But she has now banned the children from playing together!

This causes problems because Eric often plays at his cousins' house, which is right next door to mine. When Geneva drops Eric off next door, the neighbors get the unpleasant job of telling my daughter she isn't welcome in their yard, where she has always played with their kids. And I get to try and explain to her why everything has changed.

Abby, Geneva will not return my phone calls, and I don't know how to make things right. Also, I fear that if a hug elicits this kind of reaction, her son may just be more intrigued with physical affection. Should I keep leaving messages on her answering machine, or drop it and write her off as a nasty woman? -- VEXED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR VEXED: I don't know what has sent Geneva off the deep end, but the fact that she has taken the leap doesn't make her "nasty" -- it makes her worried and overprotective. Something tells me more may be going on with her than you are aware of, and since you have left messages for her that haven't been returned, you should not harass her.

Explain to your daughter that Eric's mother felt her son was too young to have the serious kind of relationship she felt was developing between him and your daughter. It's the truth. And it's better than allowing her to think that because she's no longer welcome to play at the neighbor's, there is something wrong with her.

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DEAR ABBY: You printed a letter on Aug. 2 from the grandmother of a 5-year-old boy, "Andrew Jr.," whose father has refused to see him. And when the father remarried and had another son, the child was also given the name Andrew Jr. She said she didn't understand why the man was punishing the boy.

Abby, I suspect the father may have learned that he is not the child's biological father. Or, he believes that he is not. I found out that one of my children was fathered by someone else because of a blood test for medical reasons. My wife was quite promiscuous, and my mother-in-law didn't have a clue that her daughter could only guess at who might be the father of at least one of her children.

We are now divorced for other reasons, but I never let any of my children know that I was not their father. They have turned out to be delightful, wonderful human beings, and I am happy to be their "father." My ex-wife is now looking for happiness with soon-to-be husband No. 5. She just cannot be satisfied with one man at a time. -- SEES BOTH SIDES IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR SEES BOTH SIDES: The number of readers who wrote to say they have had the same experience you did, frankly, raised some eyebrows in my office -- including my own. I applaud you for doing the right and compassionate thing. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: The same thing happened to me as a child when my parents divorced, but the person who refused to see me was my mother. She also did not call or send letters to me and my younger brother. She died 10 years later, after refusing to even tell us she was ill. (We found out after her funeral.)

Not only did my mom stay away, but her whole family did, too, including half-brothers I was raised with. Like the child in the letter from "Concerned Grandma," I, too, had a lot of questions growing up about why Mom didn't want us anymore. Sad to say, my dad and stepmom handled the situation badly.

I would urge the mother and grandmother not to bad-mouth "Andy's" father or tell the boy his father didn't want him or abandoned him. Instead, remind him how much he is loved, and simply answer that of course his father still loves him -- it's just that some fathers can't show it as well as others. Maybe someday that father will come around and realize the mistake he made in missing out on his firstborn's life. -- FORGOTTEN DAUGHTER IN MISSOURI

DEAR ABBY: I experienced the same thing. I handled it like this: I never said a bad word about his father, his new life or his family. I explained that we can never really understand what goes on in someone else's life, but the day would come when he might look for answers himself.

When I received one of the few -- very small -- support checks, rather than cash it I'd put it someplace where I knew my son would see it. In my state there is a logo on the check that identifies it as a support check. This allowed my son to think, and sometimes even say, "At least he sends money for me." Those checks were so few and far between that many of them were never cashed, as the 180 days expired before I received a new one to lay around. But it worked.

My son grew up without anger, and that was my goal. And now, at the age of 22, he is just beginning to know his dad. My ex has thanked me for what I did, but what I did was for my son -- for his spirit and sense of self-worth. -- LOVING MOTHER, BEAVER DAM, WIS.

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