DEAR ABBY: Your advice to "Proud of My Friend" in Wisconsin (8-7), to give their friends who have just become U.S. citizens an American flag, was great. To make the gift "extra" special, "Proud" could first have the flag flown over the U.S. Capitol building, and then present it to their friends with a certificate stating the day it was flown.

All congressional offices provide this service for their constituents, charging only for the cost of the flag and shipping. (Flags can be purchased for as little as $15.) Please encourage these folks -- and any others who would like to mark a special occasion, memorial or honor -- to contact their congressional representative. And if they are not sure who their representatives are, they should "fire up their computers" and visit � HYPERLINK "http://www.house.gov" ��www.house.gov� and enter their ZIP code. (Most representatives have forms and information on flags on their Web sites.) -- FORMER CONGRESSIONAL STAFFER IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR FORMER STAFFER: Thank you not only for your kind words, but for providing so much information for Dear Abby readers about how to order these special keepsakes. While many of the readers who commented about that letter agreed that an American flag is an appropriate gift for any new citizen, I also received some other worthwhile suggestions. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: While your idea was a good one, a more appropriate gift than a flag might be a copy of the Declaration of Independence or the Bill of Rights. These can be purchased as posters and framed, or found on the Web in a form suitable for hanging. If someone is handy with Print Shop, it can be produced on his or her own PC.

I believe that people tend to forget that it's not the flag that we pledge to uphold when we swear in for public office, military duty or as new U.S. citizens, but the Constitution. While the flag is a common symbol, it is not truly what America is all about. -- REMEMBERS DUTY TO THE CONSTITUTION

DEAR ABBY: I would consider it a nice gesture if someone were to make me a scrapbook containing a few "Americana mementoes" (images of America or pictures with historical significance) sprinkled with a few traditions or family cooking and baking recipes. Romanians have a deep appreciation for the culinary arts, so one could never go wrong with giving them an all-American cookbook, or better yet, an all-American dessert cookbook! -- RIGHT HAND RAISED IN LOMA LINDA, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: "Proud of My Friend" asked about a suitable gift for friends who have just become U.S. citizens. The oak is our national tree, so if they have the space, perhaps an oak tree for their yard would be a lasting reminder of their new country. -- LINDA IN TUSTIN, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: I loved your idea about giving the newly sworn U.S. citizens an American flag. The family can hang it proudly, or buy a triangular display case to keep it in. The cases are advertised in catalogs and are very handsome. -- DONNA A. IN THE USA

DEAR ABBY: I was recently invited to a birthday party for one of my friends. Although I had a gift, I had not considered buying a card to go with it. My mother said it is rude to give gifts without a card. What do you think? -- DANA IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR DANA: It isn't "rude" to give a gift without including a card or note with it; it is impractical to do so without identifying the giver. How else will the recipient know whom to thank?

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 13-year-old girl entering the eighth grade. Even though I have friends, I feel like I am invisible. Many of the people who claim I am their "friend" don't even take the time to call me. I could take the first step and call them, I suppose, but then I always feel like I'm not really their friend.

I have only one girlfriend whom I can call on for advice. Please help me, Abby. I have just spent a long, miserable summer with no one to talk to. I want to change that. When I'm in high school next year, I don't want to just fade into the shadows like in middle school. I could really use some advice. -- ALONE AND SHY IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ALONE AND SHY: Here it is. If you spent the entire summer waiting for people to call you, then it's no wonder you spent it alone. I know very few people who sit back, wallowing, as it were, in the adulation of others, while making no effort on their own behalf.

If you want to stand out in high school, you are going to have to become proactive in promoting yourself. An effective way to do that is to join clubs, become active in sports, activity groups, drama and/or student government.

In your signature line you identified yourself as "shy." Did you know that about one-third of the population is afflicted with shyness to some degree? It's true! And do you know why so many people are shy? Because they're afraid of rejection -- and holding back is the only way they think they can protect themselves from being hurt.

In my booklet, "How to Be Popular," I review topics including "The Art of Conversation," "The Friendly Personality," "Grooming," and what makes a clever conversationalist. If these are topics you would like to learn more about, my booklet can be ordered by sending a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Postage is included in the price. (Allow six to eight weeks for delivery.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 22 years old and have been with my boyfriend, "Carl," 3 1/2 years. We have lived together for three of them. Carl is 25, and this is the first, and hopefully, last, serious relationship for both of us. We have bigger issues than the one I present to you now, but this is the only one that has me mystified: Carl never calls me by name!

We both called each other "Baby" and "Sweetie" in the beginning, but as soon as I noticed it, I changed my ways. Carl said he always preferred calling me by my middle name (a family custom), which seemed sweet and was fine by me.

Abby, all that has changed is what Carl calls me when speaking in the third person. Anyone observing our interactions would -- and rightly so -- assume my name is "Babe"! Why is he doing this? What can I do? I'd truly appreciate your help. -- MIFFED IN MIAMI

DEAR MIFFED: Calling you "Babe" may be a lazy speech habit, may be his "special" pet name for you (although I'm not putting money on it), or he may have trouble remembering names -- including yours. Because being called "Babe" upsets you, tell Carl once more that you prefer being addressed by your given name. And if he has another memory lapse after that, "re-train" him by reminding him what you prefer to be called each and every time he slips up.

DEAR ABBY: While I agree wholeheartedly with your reply to "Hurt in Holstein, Germany" (8-11), regarding the gift of candy, I would like to add some insight to the German culture. I am married to a German man, lived there for five years, and enjoyed the opportunity to immerse myself in their customs and way of life.

I learned that not only are birthdays celebrated more widely in Germany (more parties and such), but it is also custom for the birthday person to supply the cake, eats, drinks, etc.

Commonly, one will take something in to work or school for the group as a way of celebrating. So I understand quite well how the family in that letter hit upon the idea of sharing the American candies with the student's class. It would indeed have been a treat for her classmates to have something from another country, instead of the usual treats.

While I can't say I agreed with every custom and cultural difference, I have never regretted having had the opportunity to experience them. It is in this way that we learn and grow. -- BEEN THERE, LEARNED A LOT, PORTLAND, ORE.

DEAR BEEN THERE, LEARNED A LOT: Thank you for sharing your insight. Many readers echoed your sentiments. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: "Hurt's" host family was simply following a common German custom. Yes, it's different from what we do here in America, but Hurt would do well to consider how generous it is to give "gifts" to others on one's birthday, rather than sitting back and receiving, as we do in the U.S.A. -- ERICKA S., AUSTIN, TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: Here in the Pacific Islands, when a family receives goodies from outside of the islands, it's expected they will be shared by everyone in the community. There is no more heartwarming feeling than sharing. I hope "Hurt" at least learns the value of sharing -- if anything -- from her stay in Germany. Otherwise, it will have been a colossal waste of time for her to have been there.

If this world is at war, it's no wonder. We are not willing to share. -- ISLAND BOY, SAIPAN

DEAR ABBY: That exchange student needs to lighten up. In Germany, tradition dictates you take candy to your classmates. But not just "any" candy -- it has to be special. The host family was not being rude; they were actually being complimentary. -- FORMER EXCHANGE STUDENT TO THE USA FROM THE U.K.

DEAR ABBY: My family moved to the Netherlands when I was a child, and I attended school there from grade two to grade seven. It was customary for each "birthday" boy or girl to bring treats for the teacher and class once a year. It was something we all enjoyed very much.

As adults, the "birthday" person is expected to hold an open house, so friends and family can drop by with gifts, and the host or hostess provides the coffee, baked goods and chocolates. Perhaps they have similar customs in Germany. -- KATHERINE A., NAPLES, FLA.

DEAR ABBY: Sharing the family's gift with others was a way for them to indeed "share the wealth." I lived in Austria for 15 years. They loved it when I'd bring candy from the U.S. that they didn't have in Europe. -- JOHN N., BAXTER, MINN.

DEAR ABBY: "Hurt in Holstein, Germany" should realize that sharing the candy was an honor, not an act of ingratitude on the part of her host family. No opportunity to teach the world about our culture should be missed. -- TEACHER IN MEMPHIS, TENN.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)