DEAR READERS: On Thursday, Aug. 24, I printed a letter from "Going Crazy in San Diego," the 26-year-old wife of a member of the military. In it she stated that she had never wanted children, had failed to bond with her baby girl, and that her husband refused to allow her to be placed for adoption -- although he "couldn't stand" the baby, either.

She said that she was afraid she might hurt her infant. Her letter was handwritten on ruled binder paper, with no contact information such as name, address or phone number.

If that young woman is reading today's Dear Abby column, please write me again at P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069 or www.DearAbby.com. Please give me a number where I can reach you, and trust me enough to let me help you. Your confidence will not be violated.

Through the entire history of Dear Abby, including the many years I worked beside my mother, we have never received offers of help from our readers like those generated by this young woman's letter. Readers, your outpouring of love and concern has been overwhelming. I have received letters and e-mails from men and women nationwide saying this young mother's predicament brought them to tears.

Childless couples and women wanting to expand their families have described their "arms aching" to adopt this child and give her the loving home she deserves. Women in the San Diego area have volunteered to provide respite care, baby-sitting services and emotional support.

William Fenton, chief of clinical services of the Fleet and Family Support Center in San Diego, wrote to say that help is available from the New Parent Support Team, which provides in-home assistance and counseling in many areas. These services are free and can be accessed by contacting the FFSC at the nearest naval base.

Navy families can also get assistance by contacting their sailor's command ombudsman or by contacting Military One Source at 1-800-342-9647 -- 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

I also heard from Tracey L. Jones, the team leader for the Navy New Parent Support Home Visitation Program in San Diego. She asked me to let "Going Crazy" know that her staff and colleagues have a unique understanding of the stresses that come with military life and that they will make every effort to help her and her husband. Tracey can be reached at (619) 556-8825 and tracey.l.jones@navy.mil.

What struck me the most about this young woman's letter is how completely isolated she feels. Motherhood can be a challenge, even when the baby is wanted. Overwhelmingly, my readers have asked me to convey to her that help is available if she only reaches out for it.

Many communities have emergency nurseries for parents in crisis. A new mother who feels she has reached the breaking point should contact her clergyperson or child protective services.

Many states, including California, allow a newborn to be left at a fire station, hospital or police station if he or she is in danger -- or if the mother is a danger to herself.

I want to thank the many thousands of my readers who wrote to me with offers to help for "Going Crazy." You are the most warm-hearted friends I could wish for. If the young woman in San Diego contacts me again, I promise to let you know. -- LOVE, ABBY

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My son "Darren" is 13 and has been obese for several years. I have tried many ways to help him lose weight. He was recently diagnosed with sleep apnea and uses a CPAP machine at night to help him breathe. Darren's doctors have told me it's extremely important that our whole family be included in lifestyle and diet changes in order to help our son.

My husband, Harry, however, refuses to be involved. He continues to bring home junk food and eat it in front of Darren and me. My son and I are going to an informational meeting about yet another program. I asked Harry to come with us. His answer was, "Why should I pay someone to tell me something I already know?" along with complaints about how hard he works and how he just wants to come home and not attend another meeting.

Harry says he supports us, but he doesn't give us any real, meaningful support. Actions speak louder than words. This has been going on for too long. I'm tired of his arrogance and denial concerning Darren's health. I have told Harry this and suggested counseling -- but he just blows me off. Any suggestions? -- CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR CAUGHT: Go ahead with the counseling without your husband. You are not the person caught in the middle here; your son is. His physical problems are life-threatening and he needs all the support he can get. Obesity is a family problem, and you and Darren need to understand why his father is deliberately sabotaging him.

It takes real effort to learn to make healthy food choices, prepare it in ways that may be different from how you learned to cook, and to present it in a way that is appealing. If your husband insists on bringing home junk food, you can't stop him. But he should not be allowed to eat it in front of you and your son. In order to accomplish what you must, you may need assertiveness training. And that's where the counselor comes in. Please don't wait. Start NOW.

DEAR ABBY: I ended a relationship with "Bill" after I discovered evidence that he was also sleeping with another woman. I later learned that Bill had had multiple relationships while he was with me. I also found out that almost everything he'd told me about his life was a half-truth.

As part of a healing process, I apologized to Bill's ex-wife, "Donna," for any pain my relationship with him had caused her. She was generous and reached out to assure me I had been the victim of a diagnosed sexual psychopath. Donna told me she had discovered 17 victims during her marriage to Bill. Through therapy, she learned he was expert at taking control of women by making them at first feel needed, and later unstable when his facade began to crack. It took Donna 25 years to gain the courage to file for divorce against him.

During my relationship with Bill, I transformed from a confident professional woman to someone who doubted all of her decisions. I'm happy to be rid of him, but I have learned that he has recently gotten engaged.

I feel I should warn his new victim. She's a good woman, and I know she thinks he's a wonderful person. Friends and family tell me to keep silent because she won't believe me and I should not put myself at risk. Some guidance, please. -- NO LONGER A VICTIM IN NEW YORK

DEAR NO LONGER A VICTIM: Your family has a point. The woman may not want to hear, nor want to believe, what you are trying to convey. However, you, Bill's ex-wife, and as many of the women he has taken advantage of as the two of you can gather should arrange a get-together and let her know what she's in for. After that, to paraphrase Dorothy Parker, "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make her think."

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Bob," and I have been married 35 relatively happy years and have raised two successful daughters.

For the past 10 years we have been friendly with a couple I'll call "Ted" and "Alice." They have been married for about 12 years -- it's the second marriage for both of them.

It seems like whenever we get together, Alice manages to bring up the subject of sex. In the past I'd ignore it, but the last time it happened, she began talking about how Ted had taken pictures of her after sex. Then she stared at Bob and asked, "Would you like to see them?" Abby, my husband responded, "Sure!"

At that point I lost it. I told Bob his response was extremely rude and showed no concern for my feelings. Everyone tried to make light of what happened, but I feel I was right. I realize that Alice may have an issue, but was I wrong to state my feelings? -- CAROL IN STATEN ISLAND

DEAR CAROL: You were right to make your feelings known, but your anger should have been aimed at Alice, not your curious spouse. If I had to guess, I'd say Alice and Ted probably have an open marriage, and they have been trying to "enlist" you and Bob for some time. Unless this is your cup of tea -- which I doubt -- wake up and cool it with this "adventurous" couple.

DEAR ABBY: I have a 23-year-old daughter I'll call "Whitney." She got pregnant five years ago, dropped out of school, and moved in with her boyfriend, "Tim." They are now a family with my granddaughter.

Three years ago, Whitney and Tim mentioned having a wedding and splitting the cost three ways -- between Tim's parents, me and them. (I was OK with a small, simple wedding.) Then, two years ago, they decided to elope with no one invited except Tim's parents.

Now Whitney has decided she wants a large wedding with 300 guests, most of whom are Tim's family and friends, along with her father's family. She says she doesn't "feel" married without walking down the aisle as a bride and her father giving her away. (Her father and I are divorced.)

Abby, my family lives halfway across the country. Only my son and I would be attending. The problems started when I told Whitney that I would not fund this expensive affair and that she is already married -- plus, I was not invited to her first wedding.

This has created a rift between us, and I'm not sure what to do. I don't feel it's right to fund a second wedding. I offered her a week at a resort for a honeymoon. She refused my offer and has disowned me. What should I do? -- QUESTIONING IN NEW YORK

DEAR QUESTIONING: Your daughter appears to have an unusually inflated sense of entitlement. Nowhere is it written that a parent is obligated to fund an extravaganza like the one she has in mind. A first wedding is a gift that some parents give to their children. However, your daughter chose to elope. The fact that Tim's parents were invited while you were excluded should be a clue as to how you rate with her.

Your offer to treat Whitney and her husband to a second honeymoon was generous under the circumstances. You are her mother, not her personal piggy bank. I hope you will stick to your guns and not permit her to blackmail you -- because that is exactly what she is trying to do.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)