DEAR ABBY: I need your help. October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. We know the most effective method of early detection is mammography screening. However, the most recent survey of American women has shown that more than 40 percent had not had a mammogram in the past year, that many women fail to get regular mammograms, and that only one-third of women without health insurance were able to get a mammogram the previous year.

This issue resonates deeply with me for reasons that go beyond my being president of the American Cancer Society and a surgeon who meets and treats women with cancer every day. I, too, am a breast cancer survivor. It breaks my heart knowing there are women who should be getting mammograms, but aren't. Mammograms save lives!

For many women, the decision about whether to get a mammogram is out of their hands. They simply can't afford it. The American Cancer Society feels strongly that mammograms are not a luxury but a necessity, and all women deserve one every year.

We have spent decades in the fight to reduce cancer disparities by working to ensure that a greater proportion of Americans have access to screening and treatment. The society has been a longtime supporter of the CDC's National Breast and Cervical Cancer Early Detection Program, which provides access to high-quality breast cancer screenings and treatment to uninsured or underinsured women, with an emphasis on women between the ages of 50-64.

While the program has done extraordinary work to save the lives of women from breast and cervical cancer, it serves only 20 percent of eligible women due to lack of funds. And if that is not sad enough, its limited reach could be further compromised by proposals out of the White House and Congress to decrease funding.

I hope that you and your readers will agree that income level should not determine whether someone survives breast cancer. For more information on the program, or to find a local program to determine their eligibility, your readers should call 1-800-ACS-2345. -- CAROLYN RUNOWICZ, M.D., AMERICAN CANCER SOCIETY

DEAR DR. RUNOWICZ AND READERS: Rather than cutting a valuable program that serves only one out of five women, shouldn't we be asking how the program can be extended to reach the other four who need help? A lifesaving program such as this one is too important to cut, because with a modest investment, more lives could be saved through it.

The American Cancer Society is asking Congress to support this program and give it greater flexibility to reach the women in greatest need and increase the funding so it can help more of them.

Because this is an election year, I urge concerned women to contact their legislators in Washington, D.C., and tell them how you feel about this important program. If you don't know who your representatives are, go to www.house.gov and enter your ZIP code. In simple terms, the squeaky wheel gets the grease, so speak up and be heard.

A HAPPY NEW YEAR TO MY JEWISH READERS: At sundown the Day of Atonement -- Yom Kippur -- begins. It's a time when observant Jewish people fast, engage in reflection and prayer, and formally repent for any sin that might have been committed during the previous Hebrew year. To all of you, Shana Tovah. May your fast be an easy one.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I have a dear friend I'll call "Anita." Recently, during one of our visits to her home in a neighboring state, her son, "Brandon," and our daughter, "Alicia" -- both single -- "discovered" each other. Our families have been friends for 16 years.

When Anita and I were told about the kids, we were surprised -- mainly because they pretty much grew up together. Brandon is three years younger than my daughter. For my part, it's OK. I'm happy for them.

Anita didn't say so, but I got the impression she doesn't think my Alicia is good enough for her son. She claimed she didn't want Brandon to hurt Alicia, since she's been hurt some in the past -- like all of us. What do you think? -- CONFUSED IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR CONFUSED: Please don't be so quick to judge your friend. She knows her son better than you do. Unless both parties are emotionally mature, a three-year age difference can be a problem -- particularly if one person wants to settle down and the other wants to sow some wild oats. Of course, there is risk involved in every new relationship, and nothing ventured, nothing gained. But if it's the real thing, only time will tell.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been happily married for 35 years and have three grown children, a son and two daughters. We have always gotten along very well, and the kids were always close to each other.

My son, "Joseph," is a Ph.D. psychologist, and so is his wife, "Rene." We are very proud of them both. But they have this "thing" about their mail being addressed to them as "Dr." even when it's sent to their house. This includes birthday cards, and my two daughters are having a tough time with it. They feel their brother is distancing himself from them. (He also lives two hours away from the rest of us.) Quite frankly, I agree.

We believe his wife is leading him. She says she "doesn't feel like a sister" to my two daughters. Please give me your thoughts on this. Our family is not the same. --CONCERNED DAD IN NEW YORK

DEAR CONCERNED DAD: I think your problem lies closer to home, namely the attitude of your daughters. Your son and his wife have earned the right to have their mail addressed as "Dr. and Dr." and that is how their mail should "properly" be addressed. This would be a small step in the right direction for your daughters, with the added benefit of possibly warming up your daughter-in-law.

DEAR ABBY: My 51-year-old brother, "Jerry," was diagnosed last spring with advanced cancer. He lives hundreds of miles away from the rest of the family and we see him only every few years. My two sisters and I know about his condition, and he keeps in touch with us via e-mail.

Jerry has asked us not to tell our parents, who are 74 and 85 and in good health. Jerry doesn't want them to worry. So far, we have kept his secret because we don't want to alienate him, but it's very difficult to keep up the charade with our parents. Any advice? -- SAD SISTER IN MAINE

DEAR SAD SISTER: Talk to your brother, and tell him how heavy the burden of secrecy has been on you and your sisters. Explain that your parents deserve the chance to adjust to what is happening, and that at their ages, as bitter as the news may be, the shock of "suddenly" losing him could be worse. After that, the decision of whether his parents should be informed should be his. You have my sympathy.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My sister, "Sheila," and I have not had the friendliest relationship over the last few years. Five years ago, we moved our mother to a wonderful assisted-living facility close to me as she aged. I was responsible for all her care decisions. I am a single, full-time shift worker at a hospital, while Sheila is very affluent and flies on a private company jet.

When I received a phone call at work that Mom's end was near, I left immediately to be at her side. Mom was able to talk softly with me, and briefly with my sister on the phone. When the conversation ended, Sheila told me, "OK, I guess this is it," and said goodbye, adding it was "bad timing" since she had company coming.

I called Sheila on Mom's passing, two days later, to clarify notification of family and friends so there would be no duplication. She said she'd call only one family friend.

Sheila had friends visiting during that time and had planned an overnight suite and spa day at a five-star hotel in Beverly Hills on the same day Mom died, which she kept. Why do you think a daughter grieving her mother's passing would go to a health spa? -- STILL FURIOUS IN EUGENE, ORE.

DEAR STILL FURIOUS: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your mother, which you still appear to be grieving. Perhaps it's time to let go of your anger and accept that everyone grieves in his or her own way. From your description of your sister's behavior, it appears she had emotionally distanced herself from her mother -- and possibly you -- long before your mother's actual passing. Letting go was easier for her than for you because she had already moved on.

DEAR ABBY: How can I tell my dear husband of nearly 50 years that he talks too much? I have tried telling him that conversation is a two-way street, and that as we grow older we should talk less and listen more -- but his way of conversing is to tell long, involved stories, omitting not the slightest detail, and he will tell his life story to anyone who will listen.

I dread having dinner with friends and family now, knowing that at some point, he will begin to hold court and the other diners will sit with glazed eyes, smothering their yawns and glancing at their watches. I don't want to hurt his feelings, but this problem is getting worse and I need some advice.

If you print this, perhaps he will see himself and realize that others need to be involved in conversations. Please help! -- DISTRESSED IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR DISTRESSED: If your husband hasn't picked up on the social cues (glazed eyes and glances at watches) regarding his monologues, please do not count on him "seeing himself" in a letter in my column and realizing that it relates to him.

After nearly 50 years, you are, to put it mildly, long overdue for a frank talk with your spouse. And when you do, work out a signal you can give him to tell him when enough is enough. I hope it helps. But he's a little old to be learning social sensitivity. You may have to keep living with it and count your blessings for his virtues.

DEAR ABBY: When walking through two sets of doors, and someone holds both of them for you, when is the correct time to say "thank you"? Is it after the person holds the first door or the second? I have been wondering about this for quite some time. -- BRANDY IN GROVE CITY, OHIO

DEAR BRANDY: Wonder no more. Say "thank you" twice.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)