DEAR ABBY: Help! My daughter, a medical professional in her 30s who has earned bachelor's and master's degrees from two of the top universities in the country, is involved with a guy who doesn't have a high school diploma (not even a GED). She's now talking marriage to him. He does not now, nor has he to my knowledge ever, held a steady job. He lives with his aging mother.

I can see what's in it for him -- a meal ticket for the rest of his life -- but for the life of me, I can't see what my daughter has to gain from this relationship. He doesn't even talk to her with dignity and respect. I'm just baffled.

Wouldn't you know that she's convinced that her mother and I -- as well as her three siblings -- are all wrong in our assessment of him? We have always contributed to those on welfare, but, Abby, what would compel my daughter to marry a welfare case? Please help me understand. -- STRUGGLING IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR STRUGGLING: Love can sometimes be blind. Your daughter may be so physically attracted to this man that she cannot see beyond it. Or she may have a need to be needed. Or she may need to feel "important," and thinks that having the financial upper hand will assure her security in the marriage. Or she may see some quality in him that you all have overlooked. Not knowing your daughter, I can't judge whether her attraction to him is because of low self-esteem, or because it's so high she doesn't need a man as a status symbol.

DEAR ABBY: My father passed away three months ago. He remarried shortly after our mother died 10 years ago. All of us children were with him at the end. We all loved and cared for him very much.

My concern is, none of us has seen his will. Before Dad remarried, my youngest sister was supposed to be in charge of that. We are guessing that the will was changed. None of us cared for his new wife much, and we don't really want to ask her whether there is a will or not.

How long does it take for a will to be filed after a spouse has passed on? And how can we find out without talking to his second wife? -- CURIOUS IN CINCINNATI

DEAR CURIOUS: Contact your father's attorney. If your youngest sister was "supposed to be in charge of that," she might already know who that person is. That way you won't have to talk to your father's second wife, and your questions will be answered by a legal expert.

DEAR ABBY: Two of my friends are being married a distance away and are having their wedding reception here in Washington, D.C. I received an invitation a few days ago to attend the reception. I like both of them very much. They are upstanding, dedicated, outstanding individuals. They are also both guys.

I am torn. I believe that marriage is between one man and one woman. Part of me wants to attend because I am friends with them, and if I went I would be polite, charming and come bearing a gift. However, another part of me does not want to attend because I don't believe in what they are doing. What should I do? If I don't attend, am I still responsible for a gift? -- CONFUSED ABOUT ETIQUETTE

DEAR CONFUSED: I am sure that if your friends knew that you disapprove of their marriage, they would find your presence at their reception an act of hypocrisy. So send your regrets for being unable to attend. And because you will not be a part of the festivities, you are under no obligation to send a gift.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am writing to you as a last resort. I have been married for 13 years to a man who does not communicate, to say the least. I have begged, pleaded, fought and waited for him to talk about something other than his children.

Now I have met a man who is divorced, and we have wonderful conversations. There is nothing more to it than conversation at this point.

My question is, if lack of communication is the only thing wrong in a marriage, is it enough of a reason to end a marriage? I was always brought up to "hang in there" and make it work at all costs. I am at my wit's end. -- JUST WANTING TO TALK, WOODBURY, MINN.

DEAR JUST WANTING TO TALK: The "only thing wrong" in your marriage is the foundation of what a healthy marriage is built upon. When couples can't communicate, it usually poisons the rest of the relationship.

Before you invest any more of yourself in the divorced man, it's important that you and your husband get counseling from a licensed marriage and family therapist. Consider it a "hail Mary" pass at saving your marriage. I'm crossing my fingers that counseling will open the channel of communication between you and your spouse. If it doesn't, then you will have to decide how much longer you can live in intellectual and emotional isolation.

DEAR ABBY: I know an older couple who seem to have an intractable problem. The wife, who now works part time, pursued painting as a hobby for many years. Her husband does not like her paintings. Almost every time I talk to him, he complains about the "junk" that his wife refuses to get rid of.

I have suggested that he give her one room of the house (there is a spare bedroom) to do with as she wishes -- store her "junk," display her paintings, etc. He refuses, fearing it will become so cluttered that it won't be usable for overnight guests.

They rented a storage locker for several months, but the wife missed her things and brought them back. Their arguments have brought them to the brink of divorce. Have you any words of advice? Mine seem to fall on deaf ears. -- ANONYMOUS IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR ANONYMOUS: When words of advice seem to fall on deaf ears, it may be because the complainer would rather vent than listen. Offer one more bit of advice: If they have a garage, panel it and display the paintings in there -- and possibly store some of the "junk" there, too -- in cabinets, of course. After that, stay out of it.

DEAR ABBY: My friend, "Sarah," has been considering becoming a nun. She found Jesus in the summer of 2003 and converted from Judaism to Christianity. She seems passionate about her beliefs, and I support her 100 percent.

When Sarah and I were in our teens, she was in a car accident that led to the death of a young man. Although charges were never brought up, it was manslaughter, and I think she still feels guilty about it.

Do I need to report this incident to her clergy? Would this prevent her from being able to become a nun? -- SYLVIA IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR SYLVIA: I see no reason for you to "report" anything to your friend's clergyperson. Whatever confessing Sarah needed to do, she did when she converted to Christianity. As for its preventing her from becoming a nun, I see no reason why it would should. It might make her a better nun.

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to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am extremely shaken by a recent experience, and I want to share this with other parents who may one day find themselves in a similar situation. My daughter, "Mary," is almost 18 and in the 12th grade. We have always had a close relationship. She has always come to me to talk about what's going on in her life -- friends, crushes, school, just about everything.

A few months ago, Mary told me about a terrible situation concerning one of her classmates. "Jill" had just learned that she was pregnant and was frantic. She told Mary that she couldn't tell her parents because she was afraid of a violent reaction.

Mary was so worried about Jill that she came to me for help. After hearing the story, I encouraged my daughter to tell Jill to talk to her parents. I never imagined what would happen next.

I knew from things Mary had said that Jill's parents were hard on her, but I didn't know the extent of her problems at home. When Jill took my advice and told her parents she was pregnant, her father beat her so badly she ended up in the hospital and lost the baby.

Abby, you can't imagine how terrible I feel about this. Jill will never be the same, and I feel I am to blame. I wish I had known how to protect her from a dangerous and violent situation at home.

I hope you will share this letter with other concerned parents and give your thoughts on this heart-wrenching problem. -- SHOCKED AND SADDENED IN SHERMAN OAKS, CALIF.

DEAR SHOCKED: Please stop being so hard on yourself. You advised your daughter's friend to do what most other parents would have. What you failed to take into consideration was the fact that many teens live in homes where there is violence, abuse, drug problems and incest.

A year ago here in California, there was an attempt to legislate "parental notification" into law. Fortunately, it was voted down. It's teens like your daughter's friend who would have been harmed by this kind of law. They certainly cannot go to their parents -- and I have never believed that the law can successfully force this kind of communication with the home.

Of course parents want their children -- regardless of age -- to come to them if there is a crisis. And I am told that seven out of 10 teens who find themselves pregnant do exactly that. However, those who don't usually have a good reason for not doing so. Teens like the girl in your letter need counseling and care, not laws forcing them to face abusive parents. I'm glad you wrote to me. Your sad story is a lesson for other well-meaning adults.

DEAR ABBY: Can you please resolve a problem for me? I want to know the proper etiquette for wearing a heart-shaped diamond ring. Do you wear it with the point facing you or facing the tip of your finger? -- CARA IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR CARA: According to Michael Botsko, director of the Tiffany jewelry store in LA's Century City, the stone should be worn with the point facing outward -- so that when you extend your hand, people won't mistake it for one that's round or oval.

DEAR ABBY: I am very concerned. I recently started seeing a man who refuses to kiss me. He will peck me on the lips or the cheek, but nothing more. I have asked him about it. He claims he has never kissed, and that it actually turns him off. I feel like because of this I can't connect with him on a more intimate level. Is this normal? Please help. -- LIPLESS LOVER IN FLAGSTAFF, ARIZ.

DEAR LIPLESS LOVER: Although his aversion is not unheard of, it is not "normal." Most affectionate lovers kiss. I can't answer for you, but for me, this would be a deal-breaker. My "gut" tells me you should keep him as a friend -- and expect nothing more.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)