DEAR ABBY: On Thursday, Nov. 16, millions of smokers will take part in the American Cancer Society's Great American Smokeout. During the last 30 years, we have learned that the combination of a smoke-free community and smoking cessation support is vital to helping smokers quit.

Abby, I need your help. Although people are aware of the dangerous effects of tobacco use on a smoker's own health, there has been debate about the impact of secondhand smoke.

Earlier this year, the U.S. surgeon general issued the first report in 20 years on the health effects of involuntary exposure to secondhand tobacco smoke. We hope the following information from that report will help your readers to better understand the harmful effects of secondhand smoke on their health -- as well as the importance of smoke-free workplaces:

-- Secondhand smoke causes premature death and disease in children and adults who do not smoke.

-- Children exposed to secondhand smoke are at an increased risk for Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS), acute respiratory infections, ear problems and more severe asthma. Smoking by parents causes respiratory symptoms and slows lung growth in their children.

-- Exposure of adults to secondhand smoke has immediate adverse effects on the cardiovascular system and causes coronary artery disease and lung cancer.

-- The scientific evidence indicates that there is no safe level of exposure to secondhand smoke.

-- An estimated 126 million Americans, both children and adults, are still exposed to secondhand smoke in their homes and workplaces -- despite substantial progress in tobacco control.

-- Eliminating smoking in indoor spaces fully protects nonsmokers from exposure to secondhand smoke. Separating smokers from nonsmokers, "cleaning" the air and ventilating buildings cannot eliminate the exposure of nonsmokers to secondhand smoke.

Abby, please help us spread the word about the importance of not exposing yourself or your loved ones to secondhand smoke. In addition, remind your readers that quitting smoking is one of the healthiest decisions they can make.

The American Cancer Society has helped thousands of Americans to quit smoking. Smokers who quit by age 35 will avoid 90 percent of the risk attributed to tobacco. Smokers who quit by age 50 will reduce the overall risk of dying prematurely in the next 15 years by 50 percent. -- RICHARD C. WENDER, M.D., PRESIDENT, AMERICAN CANCER SOCIETY

DEAR DR. WENDER AND DEAR READERS: This is an important column, about a cause that has been embraced by my family for decades. Smoking remains the leading preventable cause of death in the United States. It has been responsible for nearly one in five deaths in 2006. Smoking will cause about 30 percent of the estimated 570,280 cancer deaths this year.

For those of you who smoke, it is my hope that the Great American Smokeout will motivate you -- as well as give you an opportunity -- to quit. I urge smokers to contact the American Cancer Society for help in making a plan to quit smoking. I am also urging you to advocate for smoke-free communities.

The American Cancer Society has helped thousands of Americans throw away their cigarettes for good. For more information on quitting smoking, lung cancer or any other information, call toll-free at (800) 227-2345 (the number is staffed 24/7), or visit online at � HYPERLINK "http://www.cancer.org" ��www.cancer.org�.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: About six months ago, my husband and I asked my 19-year-old cousin, "Danny," to live with us. He had hit a rough spot in his life, and had been doing drugs, drinking and feeling suicidal. Since living with us, Danny no longer has these feelings and is no longer drinking or doing drugs. We are trying to help him find his direction in life.

Recently, my grandmother, who adopted Danny when he was 10 after his mother died, went to my mother's house where my husband and I were visiting for the weekend, and began yelling at us.

First she accused us of not loving Danny and claimed we are trying to ruin his life. Then it escalated, and she was screaming at us because we didn't ask her permission before inviting Danny to come live with us. (He was already out of her house and living with my uncle at the time.)

She also claimed Danny was "better off doing drugs and drinking" and being "home" than he is with us because she wasn't "mean" to him like we are!

Feelings were hurt and a lot of tears were shed. When we told Danny what happened, he was confused and asked: "Where did all this come from? You aren't bad people. I'm much happier here than anywhere else."

Abby, where do you think all my grandmother's hostility and anger came from? It's the first time I've ever had a confrontation with her. -- CONFUSED IN WISCONSIN

DEAR CONFUSED: Assuming that your grandmother is in her right mind and not a substance abuser herself, I can only conclude that her motive was jealousy. Your achievement turns a spotlight on her failure.

DEAR ABBY: There's a boy in my class I have known since I was 2. He's a great athlete, but is a tad bit full of himself. He is always playing mean pranks on me and hitting me up for money, and if I don't give him money he hits me.

I ask him to stop, but he still does it. Abby, what do you think I should do? -- 11 AND FRUSTRATED

DEAR 11 AND FRUSTRATED: You may have known this boy since he was 2, but the person you have described is a bully and an extortionist. Please inform a teacher or the school principal about the fact that he's hitting you when you don't give him money. And also ask your parent(s) to find you a course in self-defense. It will make you less likely to be picked on in the future.

DEAR ABBY: I am a newly single young woman just coming out of a marriage. I was recently dining alone in a local restaurant when I was sent a drink from a patron at the bar. This had never happened to me before.

Although I was flattered, I wasn't quite sure how to handle the situation. I wasn't interested in the gentleman sending the drink, and thus felt bad about accepting his kind gesture. What is the proper thing to do and say in this situation? -- NEWLY SINGLE IN THE SOUTH

DEAR NEWLY SINGLE: Here's how the drill usually goes: Unless the man is a mind reader, he will send a server over to offer you a drink of your choice. When the server asks, all you have to do is smile and reply, "Please tell the gentleman thank you for his generous offer, but no thank you." This eliminates the introduction and obligatory conversation that would normally follow should you accept the beverage.

In your case, however, the deed was already done. I would have smiled at the gentleman, taken a token sip of the drink and then asked for my check.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: My life has been turned upside down over the last year. My husband, "Grant," the stepfather of my children, committed suicide in May of 2005. It was awful, but his parents have made it much worse for my children and me. They blame me for his death.

His mother actually told me it was my fault because Grant and I argued the morning of his death. They have treated me horribly even though I tried to reach out to them and be fair with all his belongings. I haven't spoken to either one of them in months, but it breaks my heart that they feel I am to blame.

Should I contact Grant's parents and let them know how bad they have hurt me, or should I just let it go and try to heal on my own? It would be nice to be able to talk to them about him, and for my daughters, who loved him and called him Dad, to be able to talk to his parents about him. We miss him terribly and miss Nana and Papa, too. -- GRIEVING IN CHATSWORTH, GA.

DEAR GRIEVING: Please accept my sympathy for your loss. However, unless you are prepared for yet another round of blame and rejection, I don't think it would be productive to contact your former in-laws again. Nana and Papa owe you an apology, but don't hold your breath expecting one if they haven't talked to you for more than a year.

Your husband's mother struck out at you out of ignorance and anger. Mentally healthy people do not kill themselves because they had a quarrel with their spouse that morning. Obviously, more was going on with your husband than that, and probably had been for some time.

You will find the comfort you need by joining a grief support group such as the American Association of Suicidology, which provides referrals to local self-help groups for survivors of suicide. Check out the Web site at www.suicidology.org.

DEAR ABBY: Mother is 74. She recently married a man who is a registered sex offender. She found out about his past on their second date, but swallowed his story about how he was innocent of his crime. She married him after only three weeks of dating and hid his past from our entire family.

My teenage daughter discovered his mug shot on the Internet and, of course, all hell has broken loose as a result. Our family is torn apart. We (my brother, sister-in-law, grown children, nieces) had told my mother we didn't want him around our children, but we still wanted her in our lives. She became insulted and gave us an ultimatum -- it's a package deal with her and him, or she'd have no contact with us at all.

After three months of silence, she is now trying to contact us to tell us we have no right to judge him and she's trying on convince us to accept him as the new grandfather. We are being barraged with calls and letters from her, trying to get us to see "her" side.

Are we being too judgmental, or are we right to try to keep him away from our kids? This is her fourth marriage, her fifth serious relationship. Her second husband molested her two young granddaughters many years ago, and this new man has just been too much to bear. What should we do? -- SUSAN, SOMEWHERE IN MISSOURI

DEAR SUSAN: Stick to your guns. Your mother appears to be "snake bit" when it comes to selecting mates. Although you may love and miss your mother, your first duty as parents must be to protect your minor children.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)