DEAR ABBY: "Worried Sister" (10/4), who asked if she should inform her parents that her sister, "Cindy," is playing the choking game, may feel it is a betrayal if she breaks the confidence. But imagine how she'll feel if her sister dies.

I'm a high school English teacher, and one of my students accidentally killed himself this way. It is a misnomer to call it a "game." You were correct, Abby -- it is playing Russian roulette with one's life.

"Worried Sister" must intervene and alert her parents now. Cindy's addiction to the high produced through oxygen deprivation may indicate an addictive personality, something therapy can help. I watched one of my dearest friends repeatedly play the "game" when we were in seventh grade. As he grew older, he progressed to greater highs -- ultimately resulting in his death from a heroin overdose. -- PAMELA IN GREENVILLE, S.C.

DEAR PAMELA: You are obviously a caring and dedicated teacher, and you were generous to offer your expertise. The mail I received in response to "Worried Sister's" letter was chilling. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I work with people with brain injuries. Each and every time "Cindy" chokes herself, she's causing brain damage, and it's only a matter of time until she's a client of mine.

Signs of her brain damage will start out with gaps in memory, short-term memory loss, slurred speech and sudden outbursts of anger. The more advanced stages of brain damage include disorientation, loss of coordination and balance, and seizures.

People who choke themselves to get high should visit the nursing homes in their area, as one of them will someday wind up in one. I speak from experience. I care for many people who said it would never happen to them. This is serious. That girl needs help, and she needs it now. -- ED IN SNOHOMISH, WASH.

DEAR ABBY: I lost my 13-year-old son to the "choking game." It's NOT a game. "Worried's" sister can only be mad at her for so long. Please urge her to talk to her parents. It's the only way to save her sister. If she waits, it could be too late. -- MOM WITHOUT A SON IN VIRGINIA

DEAR ABBY: As a school counselor, I can confirm the widespread familiarity of kids 9 to 15 years old with this "game" and how often parents and other adults are clueless. (I was.) After an 11-year-old died at a nearby school, I polled several middle and elementary school classes to see if they had tried it or knew somebody who had. The percentage was 75 percent! It doesn't receive the news coverage it should because medical examiners often mistake it for suicide. Knowing about it is the key to stopping it. -- CONCERNED COUNSELOR IN OREGON

DEAR ABBY: I teach in an elementary school. One of our students died from playing the choking game. Children as young as 6 and 7 have told me they know what to do. We warn students never to put anything around their necks, and talk about "safe" games they can play. We also encourage them to tell an adult if they know someone who is playing the game. Sadly, we didn't learn that children were doing it here until it was too late. -- AMY IN INDIANA

DEAR ABBY: My grandson, "Braden," died from participating in this activity in May 2005. Since then, a nonprofit organization, Stop the Choking Game Association, has been formed to promote education about this dreadful activity. Many parents know nothing about it. Thank you for publishing that letter. -- LYNDI T., BRADEN'S GRANDMOTHER

DEAR LYNDI T.: You're welcome. My heart goes out to all those who have lost loved ones to this "game." For more information about it, visit � HYPERLINK "http://www.stop-the-choking-game.com" ��www.stop-the-choking-game.com�.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Would you please inform the business people of America about the existence of your booklet, "How to Write Letters for All Occasions"? When I open a business letter and find myself addressed on a first-name basis, as in "Dear James," the letter immediately goes into the trash!

The informal first-name salutation is entirely wrong because I have never met the person sending the letter, and I consider it highly improper.

When it comes to manners, please inform any and all business people about the proper way to address correspondence. -- MISTER C. IN SAN JOSE, CALIF.

DEAR MISTER C.: I'm glad to oblige. You are not the only reader who has complained that the degree of informality in business letters they receive seems presumptuous.

As I say in my letters booklet, "Depending on how well you know the person to whom you are writing, you write: Dear Martha, Dear Miss Smith, Dear Joe, Dear Mr. Black." Common sense dictates that if the person is a stranger, the formal salutation should be used instead of the familiar one.

My booklet can be ordered by sending a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letters Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Postage is included in the price.

DEAR ABBY: I am a freshman girl who is dating a junior guy I adore. I can talk to him about anything, and he's always there for me no matter what. We've been dating for seven months.

He is always telling me that we're going to be together forever, and I agree. But now that I start thinking about it, I don't know if he's the one for me. I don't want to say it because I don't want to hurt him. But I'm afraid if I keep leading him on that he'll only get stronger feelings.

How should I tell him this? I am so young, and there are so many other fish in the sea. All my friends keep telling me I can do better, but I just feel stuck and don't know what to do. You can't force yourself into loving someone, can you?

Please answer back as soon as possible, and tell your readers not to get too serious in a relationship unless you are 110 percent positive that he or she is "the one," or you'll end up in too big of a mess to handle. -- DISTRESSED DAMSEL IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR DAMSEL: Although you may "adore" this knight in shining armor, it is not possible to "force" oneself into loving someone else. It is important that you level with him. It is also important that you do so without being cruel.

Because you are unsure that he's "the one" for you, you should tell him that at 14, and only a freshman in high school, you need time to grow and blossom before you will be ready to commit to a relationship that is "forever." Explain that you care about him and would like to be friends, but that you feel it's important that you both date other people.

Do not make any of this his fault. And do not mention that your friends think you can do better. If you were both older, someone with his qualities might be just the ticket for you. If you must blame it on anything, make it a matter of bad timing because, in a sense, that's what it is. That's the downside of young love.

DEAR ABBY: Please assist my wife and me with a question of usage. Is the man who married my wife's sister my brother-in-law or my sister-in-law's husband?

Please help, as there is $20 and a homemade deep-dish pizza on the line. -- STICKLER IN TENNESSEE

DEAR STICKLER: According to Webster's Collegiate Dictionary (11th edition), your wife's sister's husband is your brother-in-law.

DEAR ABBY: On Thursday, Nov. 16, millions of smokers will take part in the American Cancer Society's Great American Smokeout. During the last 30 years, we have learned that the combination of a smoke-free community and smoking cessation support is vital to helping smokers quit.

Abby, I need your help. Although people are aware of the dangerous effects of tobacco use on a smoker's own health, there has been debate about the impact of secondhand smoke.

Earlier this year, the U.S. surgeon general issued the first report in 20 years on the health effects of involuntary exposure to secondhand tobacco smoke. We hope the following information from that report will help your readers to better understand the harmful effects of secondhand smoke on their health -- as well as the importance of smoke-free workplaces:

-- Secondhand smoke causes premature death and disease in children and adults who do not smoke.

-- Children exposed to secondhand smoke are at an increased risk for Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS), acute respiratory infections, ear problems and more severe asthma. Smoking by parents causes respiratory symptoms and slows lung growth in their children.

-- Exposure of adults to secondhand smoke has immediate adverse effects on the cardiovascular system and causes coronary artery disease and lung cancer.

-- The scientific evidence indicates that there is no safe level of exposure to secondhand smoke.

-- An estimated 126 million Americans, both children and adults, are still exposed to secondhand smoke in their homes and workplaces -- despite substantial progress in tobacco control.

-- Eliminating smoking in indoor spaces fully protects nonsmokers from exposure to secondhand smoke. Separating smokers from nonsmokers, "cleaning" the air and ventilating buildings cannot eliminate the exposure of nonsmokers to secondhand smoke.

Abby, please help us spread the word about the importance of not exposing yourself or your loved ones to secondhand smoke. In addition, remind your readers that quitting smoking is one of the healthiest decisions they can make.

The American Cancer Society has helped thousands of Americans to quit smoking. Smokers who quit by age 35 will avoid 90 percent of the risk attributed to tobacco. Smokers who quit by age 50 will reduce the overall risk of dying prematurely in the next 15 years by 50 percent. -- RICHARD C. WENDER, M.D., PRESIDENT, AMERICAN CANCER SOCIETY

DEAR DR. WENDER AND DEAR READERS: This is an important column, about a cause that has been embraced by my family for decades. Smoking remains the leading preventable cause of death in the United States. It has been responsible for nearly one in five deaths in 2006. Smoking will cause about 30 percent of the estimated 570,280 cancer deaths this year.

For those of you who smoke, it is my hope that the Great American Smokeout will motivate you -- as well as give you an opportunity -- to quit. I urge smokers to contact the American Cancer Society for help in making a plan to quit smoking. I am also urging you to advocate for smoke-free communities.

The American Cancer Society has helped thousands of Americans throw away their cigarettes for good. For more information on quitting smoking, lung cancer or any other information, call toll-free at (800) 227-2345 (the number is staffed 24/7), or visit online at � HYPERLINK "http://www.cancer.org" ��www.cancer.org�.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)