DEAR ABBY: I have an unusual problem that I'm not sure how to handle. As a man in my late 20s, I still consider myself quite young. I dated a bit before getting married and enjoyed kissing. My wife, however, does not seem to enjoy it -- or perhaps isn't that "skilled," I'm not sure which.

I feel like one of my needs isn't being met. We have been married almost three years. I have tried talking with her about it, but it always seems to come off like I'm comparing her "abilities" to my past girlfriends' -- and that's not what I intend at all. I honestly don't think this is a question of technique, but rather of effort. This hasn't caused any major arguments or anything yet, but it is something I find seriously lacking. Any ideas? -- MISSING THE KISSING IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR MISSING THE KISSING: You may "honestly not think it's a question of technique, but rather of effort" -- but I'm not entirely sure I agree. Not all people are equally talented at kissing, so my suggestion to you is to demonstrate the kind of kisses you would like to be able to share with her. And when you do, do not mention your past or any other woman -- just what kind of kisses make you feel the most loved and cherished. If your wife loves you, and your breath isn't a turn-off, I'm sure she'll cooperate.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Trey," and I have been married a year and a half. Most of the time I am very happy. I say that because we do argue sometimes, which is normal.

Trey gets upset with me when I ask questions about the ex-lover he had before me. (I ask him about his intimacy with her and how she was.) I often ask these questions out of the blue. I just want to know because I become jealous.

I never had a man in my life before. My husband was my first man ever, but I don't feel that "special" anymore because his ex was a virgin, too, and gave him her all as I did on our wedding night. I just don't feel like I gave him anything that special when someone before me already did. In other words, I wanted to be the first virgin he ever had. How can I get past this? -- UNSATISFIED IN SPRINGFIELD, VA.

DEAR UNSATISFIED: You gave your husband the one gift that nobody else could ever give him: You gave him yourself on your wedding night. Please be satisfied with that, and stop obsessing.

What you are looking for isn't information about another woman; it's really confirmation about your husband's feelings about you. Because you need reassurance, that is what you should be asking your husband for -- not information about a woman who wasn't able to earn his love regardless of how much she gave him.

DEAR ABBY: Friends of mine received an invitation to a holiday party that I have attended for the last few years, but I did not get an invitation this year. The same thing happened last year. When I mentioned it to the hosts, they said it was an oversight and to attend the party anyway.

My friend who got an invitation said he can't make it, so I should attend in his place. Is this proper protocol? What should I do? -- UNDECIDED IN MICHIGAN

DEAR UNDECIDED: Under no circumstances should you attend the party in your friend's place. You were not invited to the gathering and do not belong there. My advice is to make plans for the evening, go out and enjoy yourself with other friends. (And I sincerely hope you take it!)

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I come from a family of seven kids that has been torn apart ever since the year our mother decided to leave our stepfather of 11 years to be with another woman.

It's not the fact that she chose to be gay; it's the distance that came along with it. She has severed her relationship with all of us kids.

Mom has changed her phone number a few times already. When she has given it out to one of us, it was only after making us promise not to share it with any other sibling or family member. The same with her address. This has caused problems between siblings. Some are hurt because they don't understand why she doesn't talk to them.

I guess some of us borrowed money and didn't pay her back -- and other similar things -- but she doesn't even give us a chance to pay her back.

A few weeks ago, I sent Mom a letter apologizing for everything I have put her through, asking for forgiveness and telling her I'll love her unconditionally. It has been more than two weeks since I mailed it, but still no reply. We live in the same city.

I'd knock on her door, but I'm afraid I'll be rejected. Everyone tells me to give up on her, but she's the only mother I've got, and I don't want to. What can you recommend I do? -- WANTS MY MOM IN SAN JOSE

DEAR WANTS MOM: Risk the rejection. It would not be more painful than what you're experiencing now. Write your mother a check for the money you owe her, buy her flowers and knock on her door.

But before you do, please understand that people do not "choose" to be gay -- and after having seven children and spending all those years with two husbands trying to be straight, at this point she deserves all the love and support she can get.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have a 2-month-old baby. We agreed that I'd stay home for a few months and "take care of the house." Unfortunately, with breastfeeding and the baby's sleep schedule being irregular, I never get enough rest and I constantly feel fatigued.

I know this is a common occurrence with new moms, but my boyfriend feels he should come home every day to a clean house, with dinner on the table and me ready for sex. I want to do all of these things, but the household chores are harder than I thought, and the sex -- I really have little desire for it yet.

When I try talking to him about it and explaining how I feel, he dismisses me and says that I'm the only woman in the world who can't do the "simple task" of keeping house, etc.

He insults me, calls me lazy and makes me feel awful. If I cry, he tells me to "stop feeling sorry for myself" and acting like a little girl. It's starting to make me not even want to try anymore. But I know that will only make it worse. What can I do? -- HURT IN MOUNTAIN VIEW, CALIF.

DEAR HURT: Your boyfriend is extremely uninformed about the changes that take place in a woman's body -- not to mention a couple's lives -- when a baby enters the picture. A talk with your pediatrician might sensitize him, but if it doesn't, then it's time for you to look into finding day-care for your baby and a job for yourself, because, as it stands, your child could reach adulthood before your boyfriend does. His expectations are unrealistic, and his attitude of entitlement should give you serious second thoughts about ever marrying him.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm a busy, 72-year-old substitute teacher in the elementary grades, and I do my best to make a difference with the limited time I have to spend with each of the many groups of students I teach in various classrooms.

I realize that I look older than other teachers and, every once in a while, a student will ask me my age. It may be an inappropriate question, but these are youngsters who may not have learned about such sensitivities. Ignoring the question doesn't make it go away and undoubtedly would puzzle the student who asked it.

Is honesty the best policy in such cases? I'm open to suggestions as to how to best handle this situation in the future. -- AN ARIZONA SENIOR

DEAR ARIZONA SENIOR: There are certain questions that are considered rude to ask. A person's age is one of them. If these students have not been taught that lesson at home, then it falls to you as a teacher to enlighten them.

Your answer should be, "My dear, that question is inappropriate and should not be asked of someone who is an adult." Say it gently with a smile so it does not seem like a rebuke.

DEAR ABBY: A close friend of mine, "Trish," is being married next March in Hawaii. The groom's brother, "Tom," and his fiancee announced this week that they plan to have their honeymoon at the same time as the wedding in Hawaii. This has upset Trish and her future husband, whose wedding plans had long been in place.

Should Trish be upset about this? And if so, does she have a right to voice her opinion to the honeymooners? Other family will be at the wedding. Will this steal Trish's wedding limelight? -- MAID OF HONOR

DEAR MAID OF HONOR: In no way will Tom and his bride steal the spotlight from Trish by having their honeymoon at the time of Trish's wedding. There may have been budgetary considerations that led to their decision. It's possible they could not afford to have a honeymoon and attend the wedding, too -- so they combined the two happy occasions.

Your friend may be suffering from pre-wedding jitters, which can cloud a person's judgment. Under no circumstances should she say anything negative to her new in-laws or the rest of the family. If she is gracious, she'll have no regrets -- or rifts -- in the family later.

DEAR ABBY: My wife of 24 years refuses to wear her wedding rings. When I asked why, she said it's because we're not getting along. I asked her to put them back on, but she refuses.

We talk, but my love for her is wearing thin -- and when she goes out of town without the rings, it burns me up. What can I do? She refuses to go to a counselor.

I am a stay-at-home, retired dad, and she works full time. I do all the chores, including cooking dinner. There has been no intimacy for months. We have two boys, 14 and 16.

Why would she do something like this? I think she doesn't want to be married anymore. -- SMARTING IN FORT MYERS, FLA.

DEAR SMARTING: Your wife is certainly acting that way. By refusing to wear her wedding rings, she's not only sending a strong message to you, but also to her co-workers and the community at large that she's "available."

It's a shame she won't consider marriage counseling because it takes two people working together to heal a marriage, and yours appears to be in trouble. Please consider getting counseling by yourself. It will help you decide what would be best for you and your sons -- whether it's continuing to tolerate this stressful atmosphere or ending the marriage.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)