DEAR ABBY: My son and daughter-in-law have a golf cart they allow their 6-year-old daughter, "Madison," to drive. I feel that she is too little to control the vehicle. She can barely see above the steering wheel.

This is way too large and powerful a vehicle for the little girl. There is a warning on the dashboard stating that a rollover could cause severe injury or death.

It tears me up that this is allowed, when I imagine the potential risk that the parents are courting. They assure me that they have taught Madison how to operate the vehicle safely, but I feel a 6-year-old is not capable or skilled enough to handle an unexpected driving situation.

My son and daughter-in-law are excellent and caring parents in every other way. However, on this issue they are in denial about the potential hazards, coupled with the reality of age-appropriate challenges.

When I speak up, I am met with rolled eyes and a curt reminder to mind my own business. Even my husband refuses to listen. I feel isolated in this situation. My husband offered no support when I expressed my concern and told me to stay out of it. I just want to avoid a potential tragedy without being "the meddling mother-in-law." Am I overreacting? -- SERIOUSLY WORRIED IN FLORIDA

DEAR SERIOUSLY WORRIED: You do not appear to be a "Nervous Nellie" to me. I don't know the law in Florida, but in my opinion this could be considered child endangerment. Your granddaughter may be the most well-coordinated child in the world, but accidents do happen, and golf carts should not be confused with go-carts, which are meant for children.

Because you cannot get your son's and husband's attention any other way, place a call to your insurance agent, asking about the potential liability should your grandchild collide with another vehicle -- or, God forbid, a human being -- while operating the golf cart. The financial liabilities could be considerable, putting aside the possible injury to your granddaughter or others. It could be the wake-up call they need.

DEAR ABBY: I have been going to the same dentist for more than 20 years and have a good relationship with him. I recommended two patients to him, and both of them later told me they were very unhappy with the work he did and had to see other dentists to have the work redone.

This caused me to question his work on me, so I decided to go to another dentist for a consultation. The other dentist is highly esteemed and not a competitor because her practice is in another city. Both she and her partner concluded that the work done by my dentist was sub-par and unacceptable and reviewed the reasons with me.

Do I need to explain to my dentist why I am leaving his practice? Or do I just not schedule any more appointments? -- DENTALLY CHALLENGED IN D.C.

DEAR DENTALLY CHALLENGED: Do not schedule any more appointments with this person. If he calls to ask why, then you can explain your reasons.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY READERS: If you're partying tonight, please don't drink and drive. Have a designated driver.

A happy, healthy and prosperous 2007 to each and every one of you! -- Love, ABBY

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Our family owns a bar in a resort community. I run it, along with my mom and two of my sisters. Added to that mix is one of my brothers-in-law, "Jeff." Jeff is the problem.

Jeff manages the bar some nights, and he is becoming increasingly difficult to work with. He does a good job of managing in most areas. However, he is impossible to talk to. At the ripe old age of 26, he has become a know-it-all. If he thinks he's being criticized, he becomes combative, bossy or defensive. He is also very sensitive, and frankly, very immature.

I understand that Jeff loves our business and is dedicated to his job, but the problem is the way he talks over everyone. He also likes to hold his position over employees, and his refusal to listen to what others have to say is making an impossible situation. If he wasn't a part of the family, he would not be working here in his current capacity.

I have tried explaining that he must choose his words more carefully, and that he needs to listen and be a part of the team rather than always "the boss," but nothing gets through. I'm reluctant to upset the natural balance of our family or hurt Jeff or my sister, but something must be done. We're losing good employees and customers because of his attitude. What can I do? -- TRYING TO SAVE THE BUSINESS

DEAR TRYING: You have failed to recognize that "the business" is an entirely separate entity from "the family," and must be treated as such. What you might tolerate from a family member is not always acceptable in business. Because, I assume, your family's livelihood depends upon the business, you have a duty to nurture it and, if necessary, prune away anything that might threaten it.

My advice is to call a meeting of your "shareholders" and stage an intervention with your brother-in-law. Make it plain that there must be an attitude adjustment effective immediately, or, much as you care about him, he will have to find other employment. Then act accordingly. Business is business.

DEAR ABBY: What do you do when your partner is verbally abusive? When he gets mad at me, he calls me a racially insulting name, and I'm not even black. I'm Hispanic.

I wasn't raised to talk to anyone like that, and it really bothers me that my partner feels that way about them and me. What am I supposed to do? -- LISA IN LOS ANGELES

DEAR LISA: Your partner is not only a verbal abuser, it appears he is also a bigot. What you are "supposed to do" is dump him, because the person you have described cannot control his mouth and never learned how to express his emotions on an adult level. He will make your life miserable if you continue to allow it.

DEAR ABBY: I am a cleaning lady. My customers are like family to me. If I ever found drugs, cigarettes or alcohol in a minor's bedroom, I would inform the parents. Recently, however, I found used condoms and a homemade "used" sex toy.

I do not know what to do. The boys are approximately 8 and 12. The older one was involved with pornography both on the cable TV and on the Internet. His parents handled it with therapy and locks on the TV and computer. Do I turn a blind eye and mind my own business? Even with drugs and alcohol, should I look the other way? Any advice would be helpful. -- CLEANING LADY IN N.Y.

DEAR CLEANING LADY: For a 12-year-old boy to have sexual urges is not unusual. However, because this one was sexualized early and has a younger brother, it would be a good idea to mention what you found to their father and let him handle it from there.

As to drugs and alcohol, possession of both by a minor is illegal and the parents should definitely be informed if the child is abusing either.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY MUSLIM READERS: A happy Eid Al Adha to you all.

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DEAR ABBY: I have a serious problem that is taking its toll on my marriage. My husband, "Lewis," and I recently hired a live-in nanny who moved six states away to work for us. She is great with the kids, polite and receptive to me -- but when it comes to my husband, "Celeste" can barely bring herself to be civil.

Lewis and I were both committed to making this a rewarding experience for Celeste. He even invited her to play darts with him in his dart league. Celeste has become close friends with many of his friends and makes disrespectful "humorous" comments about him or to him all the time.

Lewis has tried to be nice to her, but he has reached the end of his rope, and they can't seem to work it out. How can I help this immature young lady realize that mean comments, even in jest, sting? Celeste is about to lose her job. -- JUST ABOUT HAD IT IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR JUST ABOUT HAD IT: You and Celeste are overdue for a frank talk about how this situation came about. Most employers do not invite their nannies to socialize the way your husband did. Is it possible that he did something that she considered to be inappropriate, and this is her way of getting back at him?

Even if that is not the case, it is clear that Celeste's presence in your household is creating tension and discomfort. And from my perspective, it would be better for all concerned if she found other employment.

DEAR ABBY: Could you please clarify something for my husband and me? My brother and his wife have been divorced for several years and have two children together. His ex-wife has nothing to do with my children. Should they still refer to her as "Aunt Julie"? I say no. After all, my brother is divorced and this would be very uncomfortable for his new wife, should the day come that he ever remarries.

My husband says that Julie is still their aunt because she is the mother of their cousins. Who is right? -- CAROL IN GEORGIA

DEAR CAROL: The reality today is that many marriages do not make it to the finish line. That, however, does not erase the fact that an ex-spouse existed, or the role he or she played. Your brother's new wife will understand that he was previously married and should not feel in any way threatened that "Aunt Julie" is mentioned once in a while -- if ever. I agree with your husband.

DEAR ABBY: I am 38 years old. In 2000, I separated from my husband, and in July 2003, my divorce was final. In April 2004, my husband (or ex) passed away.

I was previously seeking a Catholic annulment. After my husband passed, the church no longer required it because the "till death do you part" clause had been lived up to. (Or died down to.) Therefore, am I widowed or divorced? -- A LITTLE CONFUSED IN FLORIDA

DEAR CONFUSED: In the eyes of the state of Florida, you are divorced. In the eyes of the church, you are widowed. Take you pick.

DEAR ABBY: I received a flag from a memorial service for a friend who had no family. I was this person's closest friend. The flag remains stored in a box, unused and packed away.

Would it be wrong or disrespectful to my country or to my deceased friend to allow my parents to fly this flag on their flagpole at home? -- WONDERING IN CONCORD, N.H.

DEAR WONDERING: As long as the flag was treated with respect -- taken down at night and not allowed to become tattered and faded because of exposure to the elements -- I think it would be a loving tribute to your friend if it were displayed. Better that than folded away and forgotten.

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