DEAR ABBY: My nephew, "Vincent," is 16 and has had problems with obsessive handwashing for years. I have enough professional experience to strongly suspect that he suffers from obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD).

My brother and his wife refuse to believe their child has a problem and will not take him to get help. My nephew's hands are chafed and raw, and his parents reprimand him for this behavior when he really needs professional help.

His mother is the biggest problem. She nixes all issues that suggest a problem, and my brother will not stand up to her. What can I do? -- WORRIED AUNT IN FLORIDA

DEAR WORRIED AUNT: Your sister-in-law may not want her son "labeled," but ignoring the problem will not resolve it. And reprimanding the young man for something he can't help is cruel.

Your nephew is old enough to discuss the problem with intelligently. Start out by asking him if he thinks he has a problem, and whether he would like to get help for it. After all, at his age he must be self-conscious about his chafed skin.

If he's agreeable, suggest he talk to someone at school about it -- preferably the student health officer or a trusted teacher. If that's not possible, and there is a free clinic in your area, offer to take him there.

DEAR ABBY: I am engaged to a man I love deeply. I met "Eric" when I was 14 and he was 42. When I turned 18, we got together. I have never been happier, except for one thing. He has had other sexual relationships in the past, while I haven't.

Once we became engaged, he offered to let me go out and have a one-night stand. He said he suggested it because he loves me, and he wants me to have a shot at the experience I am missing out on.

Abby, I love Eric and only want to be with him! His suggesting it has made me wonder if he's looking for a way out by getting me to find someone new. Any suggestions on how to handle this? -- INEXPERIENCED AND LOVING IT IN SEATTLE

DEAR INEXPERIENCED AND LOVING IT: You may be young, but you are perceptive. Men who love women usually want an exclusive relationship. Unless you are contemplating an "open" marriage to this man, my advice is to dump him. You and he have very different values.

DEAR ABBY: I don't have a question, but perhaps you'd like to give your readers a smile.

My late Aunt Isabel's wit was legendary in our family. We come from a small town in Connecticut where many roads are so narrow that if a car should stall, the car behind it would be unable to pass.

This is what happened to my aunt one day. While she was trying to restart the engine, the driver in the car behind her began blowing his horn repeatedly. Aunt Isabel set the parking brake, got out of her car and walked over to the driver's window. When he rolled it down, she smiled warmly and said, "I can't seem to get my car started. Would you be kind enough to start it for me? And I'll stay here and blow your horn for you." -- JOE P., MIAMI

DEAR JOE P.: Thank you for the smile, but when I read what your Aunt Isabel did, my smile turned wistful. Gone are the days. Someone who tried that today would risk a physical altercation or worse.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: May I respond to the assertion that letting the 6-year-old drive a golf cart is unsafe (Dec. 31)? Six-year-olds routinely drive go-carts, motorcycles and the like recreationally. Most competitive leagues have divisions especially for them (peewee leagues). As long as they have the proper protective gear, this is in no way child endangerment.

I drove a motorcycle and go-cart at the age of 5, and 31 years later, I attribute my spotless driving record to the early and vast experience I have. -- AL M. IN BOISE, IDAHO

DEAR AL: The grandmother who wrote that letter ("Seriously Worried in Florida") stated that she felt the golf cart was too big and powerful for the safety of her grandchild. She also did not indicate that any safety gear was being provided for the little girl. I'm pleased your experience was a positive one, but read on:

DEAR ABBY: About 13 years ago, my nephew was allowed to drive a golf cart at the age of 8. He fatally injured his 6-year-old stepsister. He is still traumatized by it.

And if that isn't bad enough, last June my great-grandson was driving a similar piece of equipment on his third birthday (a gift from his paternal grandfather). While the whole family watched, he overturned it as he drove off the road and into a ditch. Everyone seemed to think it was "cute." What is wrong with these idiots? -- BEWILDERED GRAMMY IN MARYLAND

DEAR ABBY: A 6-year-old driving a golf cart is child endangerment, and a social worker has the right to remove that child to a foster home and ask questions later. The parents would then be under a microscope.

Because the grandparent knew about the situation and did not report it to the authorities, the grandparents would probably not be considered safe guardians for that child, and the child would be placed with strangers until the parents finish court-ordered parenting classes.

Foster children are big business. It's a totally different climate than it was in the days when only severely neglected and abused children found their way into foster care.

I speak from 17 years of experience as a foster parent and 30 years as a psychiatric nurse who has seen what hoops families must jump through to get their children back once child protective services is involved. -- READER IN FERRIS, TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: An elderly lady here was killed in a hit-and-run golf cart accident while picking up her mail. The driver was a child. I hope this will serve as a wake-up call to the Florida child's irresponsible parents. -- JULIE S., ANN ARBOR, MICH.

DEAR ABBY: I am a registered nurse who works with brain-injured adults. That grandmother has every right to be concerned. I recently cared for a gentleman who sustained a serious head injury falling out of a golf cart. He remains very confused and unable to care for himself. The lifelong consequences of head injuries can be devastating -- not only to the victim, but also to their families. -- R.N. IN MILFORD, N.H.

DEAR ABBY: My son was 6 when he drove a golf cart into a utility pole. Because of the laws of inertia, his little body was not heavy enough to hold him to the seat of the vehicle. He was airlifted to the trauma center for the life-threatening injuries he received to his spleen, liver and pancreas. It was horrible. I nearly lost him. Please, Abby, urge those parents to move the kid out of the driver's seat. -- SARA IN FREDERICKSBURG, VA.

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DEAR ABBY: I have been out of the dating scene for a while. I was divorced nine years ago. My children are 27, 19, 16 and 17. My oldest two are married; the other two are still at home.

I recently started dating a guy who is studying to become a psychiatrist, and he constantly evaluates everything I say -- including small talk about my children. How can I stop him without upsetting him over his true passion? Not every conversation has an undercurrent. Sometimes I just want to chat, but he will start asking me questions, and I think I tell him too much because he then picks apart everything I say.

I try to be honest in this relationship, but I have shut up about some things because I don't need him evaluating my past relationships, how I reared my kids, etc. At my age, I really don't have that kind of couch time. We can't even have sex without him analyzing my feelings. I have been alone awhile, but isn't this a bit too much for the psyche? -- USUALLY JOYFUL IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR USUALLY JOYFUL: Your boyfriend's entry into the study of human behavior must be very recent, or he would realize how obnoxious it is when he does what he is doing. The next time he starts analyzing you, remind him that he isn't licensed to practice yet -- and tell him that sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. If someone doesn't get that message across to him, I predict that you will be only the first of many to run from this aspiring shrink.

DEAR ABBY: I am a student who recently moved into a townhouse with three other housemates. My question concerns etiquette when giving someone a "tour."

My good friend "Amy" came over, but I did not feel comfortable showing her my housemates' rooms, even though they weren't home. But Amy walked right on into their rooms anyway, even opening their closets! When we went into the kitchen, she opened every cupboard and the refrigerator, even removing food items to get a better look.

I was shocked by Amy's behavior and thought it was very inappropriate. Was I overreacting? By giving her the tour, did I invite her to inspect the entire house? In the future, I'd like to avoid this situation with other friends. What should I say? -- INVADED IN THE NORTH

DEAR INVADED: You did not overreact. Your friend Amy is both nosy and nervy. In the future, should something like that happen, say, "Whoa! That's off-limits. My housemate(s) will have to show you their private room(s) when they're home. I can't let you go in there -- it's an invasion of their privacy."

Any or all of these statements should suffice. However, if they don't -- take the person by the arm and "guide" her/him away.

DEAR ABBY: I'm curious to know what makes men of any age sleep on couches and easy chairs in the daytime? I don't know of any women who do it. -- MARISA C., ONTARIO, CANADA

DEAR MARISA: Men nap on couches and easy chairs because they are sleepy (or perhaps bored). However, this trait is not quite gender-specific. In fact, I am sure there are also women who do it, too. You just don't happen to be acquainted with any who admit it. (Zzzzzz ...)

DEAR ABBY: Please explain the difference between gossip, interesting conversation and expressing an opinion. -- AVIS IN HOUSTON

DEAR AVIS: Gossip is saying something unkind or embarrassing behind someone's back. Some people mistake this for "interesting conversation." However, interesting conversation usually involves discussing ideas -- not the behavior (or misbehavior) of other people. Expressing an opinion is what I have just done.

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