DEAR ABBY: When I first read the letter from "Wounded Bride" (Jan. 6), whose father left immediately after her wedding ceremony to watch a football game on television, I thought, "What an insensitive, inconsiderate boor!" However, when I saw the signature, "Wounded Bride in Nebraska," I laughed.

I was born and raised in Nebraska. The percentage of the population in Nebraska who are not obsessed with football is definitely in the minority. It has reached the point where weddings, birthday celebrations, anniversaries -- even women's C-sections -- are planned around the Cornhuskers' schedule.

This may seem ridiculous and juvenile, but it's the reality if you choose to live in Nebraska. What her father did was wrong, yet he probably was never taught anything different. I'd cut the guy some slack. -- REFORMED CORNHUSKER FAN, NOW IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR REFORMED: I told "Wounded Bride" (in essence) that her father might have been trying to send her a message about his feelings about her marriage, but she should try to forgive him and concentrate on building a successful life with her spouse. Of course, when I penned my answer, I had no idea how pervasive football fanaticism has become. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Although I feel her pain, I had to chuckle. We just moved back to Colorado from Nebraska, and believe me when I say that "Husker" is the state religion.

Some close friends recently planned the marriage of their son around the Cornhuskers' football schedule, and another friend was late to his own wedding because he was watching "the game."

"Wounded Bride's" father is just a typical Husker fan. -- BRENDA IN AURORA, COLO.

DEAR ABBY: It was the bride's own fault for scheduling her wedding during a game-day Saturday. Having grown up in Nebraska, I can tell you there are Catholic priests and Protestant ministers who refuse to perform weddings on game day. Repairmen refuse to come until the game is over. My wife is a nurse, and when she worked in the hospitals there, she knew of doctors who put off patients until the game was over. Nothing in Nebraska is more important -- at least in their minds. It's actually one of the reasons we moved away. -- FORMER NEBRASKAN IN TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: My in-laws' anniversary was in the fall, and we had to plan their 60th on a weekend other than game day or many guests would not have come. Heck, my father-in-law might not have come! They played the Nebraska fight song at his funeral, and everyone cried. -- HUSKER FAN, ROCKLIN, CALIF.

DEAR READERS: In fairness, it isn't just Nebraska football fans. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: The only day we could have our wedding was the day of the Pitt-Penn State game -- a big deal here in western Pennsylvania. At our reception, those guests who weren't in the bar glued to the TV had headphones plugged into their ears, either cheering or groaning at inappropriate times. -- MARTHA IN CHICORA, PA.

DEAR ABBY: Brides-to-be in Oklahoma who schedule their weddings on an Oklahoma University Sooner game-day Saturday can expect low attendance. It may not be right, but it's true. -- SOONER FAN IN OKLAHOMA CITY

DEAR ABBY: In Texas, we schedule funerals so as not to interfere with our college football games. That bride knew her father's habits. She should have had the wedding on a different date. -- ANOTHER FATHER'S OPINION

DEAR ABBY: "Wounded Bride" should take comfort in the fact that what goes around comes around. Nebraska lost! -- AUBURN WAR EAGLE

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My brother and I are one year apart and grew up practically as twins. We buried our mother and bought some land together. Then, in our late 20s, my brother met and married a woman. We still lived together, only with hostility and distance.

Five years have gone by, and we now live apart. However, the feelings of hurt still remain -- and in fact have intensified. Recently I wrote a letter to him expressing my anger about the past, and he cut me off permanently.

We both understand that we needed to separate and how unfortunate it was that it happened with a lot of anger and resentment. However, I am being married this summer and am unable to decide if I should invite him to the wedding. On the one hand, I don't want to create another wound, but on the other, it feels as if we have finally broken free, and it is time to move on and respect his wish to be rid of me.

I am actually relieved that the end has finally come. The truth is, I'm not even sure if I want him there. But the rest of our family probably will. What do you think? -- GERALD IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR GERALD: A wedding is the joining together of a couple who hope to spend the rest of their lives committed to each other. It is NOT a time for feuding brothers to attempt a reconciliation, which could be distracting for all concerned. If you plan to patch things up with your sibling, do it before the wedding or don't invite him.

DEAR ABBY: Is it appropriate for a couple living together -- "Carrie" is a widow and "Jake" is divorced -- to wear wedding bands on the ring fingers of their left hands? They say they are "married in their hearts" and cannot marry legally for financial reasons.

My husband and I feel that the wearing of wedding bands without following the rules of marriage (i.e., a ceremony conducted by a person licensed to marry and the receiving of a legal document) diminishes the sanctity and authenticity of our own wedding bands and those of all others who are legally married. -- JEAN IN LOS GATOS, CALIF.

DEAR JEAN: Couples who find themselves in the situation of the couple you have described sometimes discuss it with their clergyperson and exchange vows so they can be "married in the eyes of God." Because Carrie and Jake's marital situation bothers you so much, why don't you mention this to them?

After that, however, I would urge you to devote your attention to your own marriage, because how others choose to conduct their lives is no reflection on the sanctity and authenticity of your wedding bands -- and frankly, it's none of your business.

DEAR ABBY: My precious daddy died of cancer seven years ago. My problem is, Mother has never laid him to rest. She keeps his ashes in her dirty garage. She says it's because he wanted all three of us children to be together when his ashes were scattered -- but my brother lives 1,000 miles away and hasn't been able to get back home.

I have tried talking to Mom, reasoning with her, even suggesting she drive off one day and do it by herself if it would make her feel better. Still nothing! Isn't this disrespectful? Dad deserves better, but she refuses to let him go. -- STYMIED IN SACRAMENTO

DEAR STYMIED: Your mother's inability to let go of your father's ashes is not as unusual as you think. Consider this: Your father is in heaven. The ashes in the garage are but the remains of his discarded earthly shell. If enough time elapses, you can scatter your parents' ashes together.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My elderly mother-in-law, "Marsha," is in failing health. Lately she has been talking about how she "won't be here next year," implying that she thinks she will be dead. But there is one thing she refuses to do. Marsha will not have a will made up or sign an advanced directive! She thinks that if she does, it will be signing her own death warrant.

Marsha is facing major surgery in the spring. She owns her own house, and she has many medical bills and debts. She has said that after she's gone, it will be "up to other people" to "handle those things." Her children cannot be trusted to agree on wise decisions about her estate, and I have seen other such unplanned estates eaten up by court-appointed administrators who take more than a year to settle matters.

Because we often discuss your newspaper column, I am hoping you might convince my mother-in-law that wills are not only good planning, but will ensure the legacy for her grandchildren that she talks about, but currently cannot guarantee. -- DUTIFUL DAUGHTER-IN-LAW

DEAR DUTIFUL D.I.L.: I'm sad to say that many people feel as your mother-in-law does -- and when they go, they leave turmoil in their wake. No one likes to face his or her own mortality, and yet the reality is that we're all gonna go sometime. (May Marsha live to 110!)

If she maintains her current stance, she risks leaving a legacy of dissension among her children -- and there's no guarantee that her grandchildren will see a penny from her estate.

It is very important that Marsha discuss this subject with her lawyer or CPA, who can explain to her what the laws are in the state where she resides and convince her of the wisdom of preplanning for the inevitable. It's not signing a death warrant, but rather a guarantee that what she has worked so hard to accrue in her lifetime will go where she wants it to.

DEAR ABBY: I have been having an argument with myself for some time now. My problem is, I'm not sure if it's appropriate to stop calling my aunts and uncles by their titles and switch to just calling them by their names. I am 23.

Can you tell me what, if any, is an appropriate age to begin using aunts' and uncles' names rather than their titles? -- UNSURE IN TEXAS

DEAR UNSURE: Calling someone "aunt" or "uncle" has nothing to do with age. In addition to a family title, it can also be regarded as a sign of affection or respect.

Before you stop using it, ask the person what he or she would prefer to be called. That way you won't cause any misunderstandings or hard feelings.

DEAR ABBY: My son has a serious girlfriend I'll call "Danielle." They are 24, and it looks like they might get married. We have the reverse of the typical mother-in-law/daughter-in-law problem. I am very easygoing and don't interfere or criticize. Danielle, on the other hand, has strong opinions and voices them loudly. There is no discussion. Danielle is always right.

My husband and I are going through a rough time financially, and Danielle suggested that we come and live with them. She said I could cook and clean, and my husband could do the repairs around the house. I was shocked and hurt. I would never have said that to my mother-in-law.

I know it's important to stay on good terms, but it is becoming increasingly difficult. Any suggestions? -- NETTIE IN NEBRASKA

DEAR NETTIE: Just this. Only as a last resort should you and your husband live with your son and his tactless girlfriend. If you do, it appears you will be treated as domestic help, and frankly, you deserve better.

TO MY ASIAN READERS: A happy, healthy and prosperous New Year to you all. This is the Year of the Pig, and as you probably already know, pigs are affectionate, intelligent and have a voracious appetite -- for life.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)