DEAR ABBY: I am a single woman in my early 30s who has never been married. I recently fell in love with a wonderful man with whom I spend a great deal of time. He is unaware of the intensity of my feelings, and I'm afraid of telling him out of fear of rejection.

There are a couple of additional concerns: He is 15 years my senior and a medical doctor. I am a social worker in a lower socio-economic class. In addition, we are of different religions, but we have similar spiritual beliefs and values. He is also my co-worker.

I am very interested in pursuing a deeper relationship with this man, but would like to hear your advice first. Thank you for your thoughts on this. -- LONGING FOR MORE IN CHICAGO

DEAR LONGING: Although it is possible that the doctor is also attracted to you, the fact that you are co-workers makes the situation possibly problematic. Because you spend "a great deal of time" together, I assume that you discuss subjects beyond those that are work-related. One way to proceed might be to mention that you "happen" to have a couple of tickets to a play or other event he might be interested in -- and would he like to accompany you. If the answer is yes, you're off to a good start.

DEAR ABBY: As the "Baby Boom" generation is now growing older, when will food product manufacturers wise up to the fact that printing cooking instructions on their products is no longer acceptable?

I pass on buying many items in the supermarket for this reason. Perhaps with your influence these people will begin to understand that they're losing money from older people simply because we can't make out a half-cup from a third of a cup in such tiny print. There are also young people with visual impairments, too. Thank you! -- REVEREND JOE IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR REVEREND JOE: Much as one might pray for it, I'm doubtful that the food manufacturers are going to alter their labels for the visually challenged. However, because reading package directions -- and I presume labels -- has become a problem for you, I recommend you carry reading glasses and/or a strong magnifying glass with you when you do your marketing. That should solve the problem.

DEAR ABBY: The recent letter and follow-up in your column regarding "Vince," who is becoming afraid of heights now that he's older, prompts my own. You counseled him to see his doctor.

I have a similar situation. I am in my 40s. When I was younger, I was never afraid of anything -- no known phobias. However, as I have gotten older, I have developed claustrophobia! I have refused to go into MRIs -- even "open" ones. I panicked several times feeling trapped in my own car. Now I'm afraid to fly -- not because I'm afraid of flying, but because once I'm airborne, I start panicking about being closed in.

I think our minds rewire themselves as we get older. What do you think? -- JUANITA IN SPRING, TEXAS

DEAR JUANITA: With every activity you refrain from enjoying, you isolate yourself further. Therefore, I am giving you the same advice I gave to "Vince in Vallejo." Please discuss this problem with your doctor. There is help for people with phobias, and yours are multiplying.

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DEAR ABBY: My husband recently began carrying on his phone conversations on "speaker mode" when he got his new cell phone. As a result, I end up hearing most of his conversations in our small house or while we're driving in the car.

Often, while he's talking to his mother, I have overheard her tell him to keep several things she has said to him secret from me. She has no reason to do this, as most of the things she asks him to hide from me are inconsequential and have nothing to do with me. Occasionally, she even confesses to him that she went ahead and did something I specifically asked her not to do -- especially in matters concerning our children.

This situation has left me feeling angry and hurt, especially since my husband feels that his mother is doing nothing wrong by asking her son to keep secrets from his spouse. While my husband made vows to me, I can't help but feel as if he thinks it's the other way around. I feel like my mother-in-law's behavior, and my husband condoning it, has put a strain on my marriage. Am I wrong to feel this way? -- ANONY-MRS. IN MICHIGAN

DEAR ANONY-MRS.: Because your husband is carrying on his conversations with his mother over a speaker phone, it should be obvious that he is not trying to hide anything from you. Your mother-in-law is playing a childish game with her son, who should have put an end to it many years ago by simply saying, "Mother, I don't keep secrets from my wife."

However, if you are wise, you'll choose your battles carefully. As things stand, you are fully aware of what your mother-in-law is up to. And if I were you, I'd keep it that way.

DEAR ABBY: Our 17-year-old twin son and daughter met with military recruiters who came to their school and made the military sound exciting and glamorous. They are now saying that after they graduate next year, they want to join the military instead of going to college. They have even put up military posters in their rooms that they received from the recruiters.

My husband and I are horrified. We cannot stand the thought of them going off to war, and do not believe that war is the answer to the world's problems. It will be a year, and hopefully the novelty of the idea will wear off by then. However, I don't want to take a chance. How can I counter the idea? -- CLEVELAND MOM

DEAR CLEVELAND MOM: Before your children commit themselves to the idea that the military is all foreign travel, shiny medals and glory, they should see firsthand that there is a more serious side. Contact your nearest veterans hospital and inquire about you and your children paying some visits and volunteering to help wounded vets. It may be a sobering experience, but it should open their eyes in no time flat.

DEAR ABBY: I'm an administrative assistant and often take calls for my boss. He usually asks me to tell the caller he is not in the office or to send them to his voice mail.

I'm a terrible liar and not very good at making up excuses for him. I usually stammer or stutter when I'm lying. What can I tell these people and still stay true to myself? -- S-S-S-STUCK IN GARLAND, TEXAS

DEAR S-S-S-STUCK: It isn't necessary to lie to the caller your boss wishes to avoid. Simply say: "Mr. Crockett is not available at this time. If you'd like to leave a message, I'll connect you to his voice mail so nothing gets lost in translation." That way you are not lying; you are facilitating the caller.

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DEAR ABBY: How do I politely tell my mother-in-law to stop doing my laundry? It all started when I was on bed rest due to my pregnancy. I didn't mind her doing an occasional load to help us out. But now she does it anytime she's over to watch the kids.

I'm very picky about how I do my laundry, and this is the main reason I don't want her doing it. Also, I'd prefer she spend time playing with the kids than with the laundry! She also puts things away in the wrong places. She does it with my dishes, too. Once I told her not to worry about my laundry because I wasn't done sorting it. She took it upon herself to do it anyway.

She's very strong-willed. My husband and I have had problems with her not respecting our parenting, too. She often takes things the wrong way. What's the best way for us to tell her that her help is not needed? -- DIRTY FAMILY LAUNDRY

DEAR DIRTY FAMILY LAUNDRY: Short of locking your laundry hamper to dissuade your mother-in-law, you should make out a list of tasks you WOULD like her to perform when she comes over. If you take the time to show her how you would like them done, it could be a positive, beneficial family time for all of you and prevent misunderstandings.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I disagree on discipline when other children come over to play with our 4-year-old daughter. I believe we have the right to tell them "no" in our own house, and she says we should wait and tell the parents.

A recent example: A friend came over and got bored playing with our daughter, so he went to her room and dumped all of her toys on the floor. Still bored, he went to the living room and proceeded to dump a 300-piece container of Legos all over the floor. I told him he should not do that and should pick up the pieces and then take them out one at a time. My wife was horrified at MY behavior! What do you think about this? -- PUZZLED IN SAN PABLO, CALIF.

DEAR PUZZLED: I think you showed great restraint in how you handled the boy. I'm not sure I would have had your patience. As to who should have been spoken to about the child's behavior -- the boy or his mother -- both of them should have been told that in your house, children are expected to act responsibly. Period.

P.S. So who picked up the Legos?

DEAR ABBY: My best friend and I are having a big mutual birthday party April 1. It's going to be a big bash with lots of people, lots of drinking and, of course, the possibility that others may bring drugs.

We plan on inviting all our friends. However, we have a few friends who no longer live that kind of lifestyle.

Do we still invite our sober friends to this gathering? We love them and want them to be there because they're our friends, but we also don't want to lead them into temptation or dangle what they can't have in front of their faces. What do you think? -- FRIEND IN NEED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR FRIEND IN NEED: By all means invite your abstinent friends. They have made their choice to forgo the "higher spirits," so to include them will not seduce them from their sobriety. If you are going to exclude prospective guests, make it those you think will bring illegal drugs to your party -- or you could wind up "entertaining" more guests than you're planning for. Like the police.

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