DEAR ABBY: My fiance's brother, "Nate," is going through a separation from his wife of 11 years, "Joanne." Everyone on Nate's side of the family is giving him all the support they can, but they are still very close to his wife. They realize he is an emotional cripple, prone to fits of rage and depression.

In order to save his marriage, Nate agreed to therapy and has been going regularly in the hope of saving the children from the experience of a messy divorce.

Abby, Nate talks about having a "dark side" and often talks about doing physical harm to his wife. He admits that he has not mentioned these feelings to his therapist, which means he is wasting his time there. I would never forgive myself if something should happen to Joanne.

Should I contact her and let her know? She already knows about his potential for violence. Or should I tell his therapist? I do not think their marriage is going to be saved, and when it's finally resolved is the time I fear the most. Any suggestions? -- LOST IN OHIO

DEAR LOST: It appears Nate is not in therapy because he realizes he needs it, but rather to manipulate his wife into continuing an unhappy, potentially violent marriage. It is important that you inform Joanne that Nate has been talking about causing her physical harm and that he is not cooperating fully with his therapist. That way, she can take steps to protect herself -- including discussing it with her attorney and/or the police.

DEAR ABBY: My wife of eight years, "Gwen," told me she had been raped by our brother-in-law before we were married. I have an extremely tough time at family gatherings because of this. Gwen continues on as if nothing ever happened.

Gwen refuses to talk about this to anyone. She says she told her parents about it at the time; however, they refused to believe her. She has now been diagnosed as bipolar and has severe depression.

I need to know if there is anything I can do to help her. Gwen has been seeing a counselor, whom I speak to also. Should I bring it up during a session? I know this has severely hurt my wife over the years. Please advise. -- WORRIED ABOUT MY WIFE IN TEXAS

DEAR WORRIED: Because your in-laws did not believe their daughter when she went to them about the rape, in a sense, your wife was raped twice. That kind of trauma, when suppressed, can resurface later in the form of depression and other problems. If Gwen has not already done so, her therapist should definitely be informed. To do so could hasten her healing.

DEAR ABBY: How do you tell the difference between someone with a gambling problem and someone who is trying to become a poker champion?

The person is my husband, and I'd like to support his dream of being a champion. I have never been around gamblers, and I am not sure where the line is drawn. -- QUEEN OF HEARTS IN ALBUQUERQUE

DEAR QUEEN OF HEARTS: Many men and women enjoy gambling as a form of entertainment, and some can (and do) make a living at it. However, for some people gambling can become an addiction. These compulsive gamblers are unable to overcome the impulse to keep on trying, lose more money than they can afford to spend, and sacrifice their lifestyle and their family's future as their futile attempts drive them deeper and deeper into debt. These people need professional help and/or a 12-step program to overcome their addiction.

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DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Kay in St. Joseph, Mo." (Jan. 10) caught my attention. She's the woman whose husband (a hunter) leaves bloody footprints and pieces of deer carcass throughout their house and his soiled clothes piled in the kitchen.

I am a female bow hunter. If my hunting buddies (all of whom are male) came into my house and made a mess like Kay's husband does, I would shoot THEM.

There's a reason why the annual "great hunt" is always at her house. None of the other hunters' families would put up with their disrespect. I can't even imagine how hard it would be to remove week-old animal blood from a carpet.

History repeats itself, and inconsiderate people don't change on their own. "Kay" needs to stand up for herself and refuse to tolerate their behavior any longer. -- J.J. IN FORT WAYNE, IND.

DEAR J.J.: I couldn't agree more. However, because the balance of power in her family does not appear to be in her favor, I thought she'd have better luck if she let her husband wallow in the mess he and his brothers had created while she vacated the premises -- and let him get a professional cleaning crew in there if the chore was more than he could handle. That is, until I heard from more of my readers:

DEAR ABBY: I have hunted for almost 40 years and have always processed my own meat -- from squirrel to deer. Most hunters keep the work area clean so the meat won't be contaminated. I have seen a few hunters like Kay's husband, and simply put, they are lazy. Their meat is filled with hair and dirt, and could be spoiled as well.

I do all my meat processing in my clean garage, then bring it down to the basement to wrap before storing it in the freezer. I hose down any blood residue, and all scraps are thrown in the trash can as I work. Kay needs to put her foot down and kick them out of the house. -- LARRY IN BRADFORD, PA.

DEAR ABBY: I'm not sure how intellectual those folks are, but there could be grave consequences because of their behavior. Most wild game carry a variety of bacteria, some strains of which are rumored to have infected North American deer herds with mad-cow disease.

When wild game is cleaned, precautions should be taken to disinfect the animal and the work area. Some folks go so far as to field-clean an animal and wash it down with a bleach solution as soon as it's taken. Surgical gloves are worn, and when everything is done, the people cleanse themselves and their gear immediately! -- ROBERT IN NEW SMYRNA BEACH, FLA.

DEAR ABBY: I raised five boys, who with their father loved to go fishing. I told them I'd cook and serve anything I found in the kitchen. It took only one meal of fried fish, innards and all, for them to get the message. -- VICKY IN SONORA, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: My son used to work in a butcher shop that processed deer every year. When the deer came in, all the other meat that was sold had to be moved out.

If meat isn't handled correctly or becomes tainted and makes someone ill, Kay's husband and brothers-in-law could be in serious trouble. It may be time for her to contact the local health department. Because her husband is being paid to "process" food, I'm sure he's violating more than a few laws -- and the fines he could be subject to could cost him "deerly"! -- KEITH IN OHIO

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DEAR ABBY: As someone who has been dealing with diabetes for most of my life, I've made a point to have regular medical checkups to keep a close watch on my cholesterol, blood pressure and glucose levels. For a long time, I thought I was doing everything I could to stay healthy.

What I didn't realize until I attended a free screening offered by the National Kidney Foundation was that diabetes is one of the leading causes of chronic kidney disease. This screening, called "KEEP" for Kidney Early Evaluation Program, is designed to detect kidney disease in the early stages in people like me who have diabetes and other health problems that put us at risk.

I knew I had diabetes. But KEEP identified my chronic kidney disease, and I have since been taking measures to keep it under control. I have also learned that doctors do not routinely screen for kidney function. Twenty million Americans -- that's one in every nine adults -- have chronic kidney disease, and 20 million MORE Americans remain at risk.

I'm writing to you, Abby, to ask you to let your readers know that if they suspect they have high blood pressure, diabetes or a family history of kidney disease, they, too, could be at risk. March 8 is World Kidney Day -- and it is the day the National Kidney Foundation is offering free KEEP screenings in 30 cities around the United States.

World Kidney Day is not a "holiday." It's a time to find out your family's history, assess whether you might be at risk and get checked out. Hopefully, it is also a day people can celebrate the idea of enjoying long, healthier lives for themselves and those they love ... for KEEPS!

-- ALMA McBRIDE, MERRITT ISLAND, FLA.

DEAR ALMA: Thank you for your helpful and informative letter. I, for one, was unaware that high blood pressure and diabetes -- in addition to a family history -- could make people more vulnerable to kidney disease.

Readers, to locate the KEEP screening nearest you, visit � HYPERLINK "http://www.keeponline.org" ��www.keeponline.org�, or call the National Kidney Foundation toll-free at (800) 622-9010.

DEAR ABBY: I share an apartment with my roommate, "Ally," whose boyfriend, "Todd," just moved in one day. We have our own rooms, but the wall dividing our rooms goes only halfway up, so I hear everything that they do -- including sex.

I can't stand it anymore! Todd never leaves because he doesn't have a job. While Ally works and goes to school, he lies around all day. She comes home and does Todd's laundry, cooks for him, cleans up after him and pays for everything. They have sex all the time, and it often wakes me up or keeps me awake at night.

I am paying over $1,000 a month, and I have reached the end of my rope. I don't know how to address it. Please help me. -- TEARING MY HAIR OUT IN ILLINOIS

DEAR TEARING MY HAIR OUT: It is time to inform your roommate that the situation has become intolerable, if you haven't already found the courage to do so. Your landlord might also want to weigh in on the discussion. I don't know what kind of lease you and Ally have, but it's time you read it closely. Many leases have clauses that restrict the number of days (and nights!) that "guests" may remain on the premises.

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