DEAR ABBY: The one-year anniversary of my husband's death is approaching. It has been a long and difficult year, but my children and I are mending. With the anniversary date coming up next month, we have all been feeling depressed.

My problem is I have recently started seeing a gentleman ("Donald") who is kind, loving, generous, and understanding to both me and my children. Although I don't know where this relationship is heading, I do think he is special.

Our conversations sometimes include my husband. (He also speaks of his ex-wife.) I do not want to make Donald feel like second fiddle to my deceased husband. How can I reassure him that although I am hurting over the loss of someone I loved for 20 years -- especially on anniversaries of certain events -- that my relationship with him is important to me? -- STILL GRIEVING, MELBOURNE, FLA.

DEAR STILL GRIEVING: The surest way to reassure Donald would be to address the subject. Ask him, "Does it bother you when I mention my deceased husband?" You may be pleasantly surprised to find that he understands completely. But if he doesn't, then you should tell him exactly what you have told me. I have always believed in the power of communication.

DEAR ABBY: I'm having a hard time making my friends understand that I would prefer not to go out for food or drinks to celebrate my birthday. I know their hearts are in the right place and have told them so, but they don't seem to get the message and are hurt by my not wanting to go out.

I have many friends and family, and all of them want to do something different. I would prefer to let the day pass. Someone went so far as to tell me that it is "attention-seeking" to not let people celebrate my day.

Can you help me find the words to tell them I'm not interested without hurting their feelings? -- BIRTHDAY GIRL IN WILMINGTON, DEL.

DEAR BIRTHDAY GIRL: Try this: Explain that not everyone views birthdays in the same light. Some people find birthdays to be depressing, and pretending that they don't so others can celebrate makes them even more depressed. This is not an attention-getting device; it is simply a preference for marking the occasion with quiet contemplation instead of forced gaiety.

DEAR ABBY: Two of my co-workers, both of whom are married, are having an affair. It seems as if they don't care if they flaunt it.

They take long lunches together, and apparently he is now visiting her house while her husband is out of town. She has small children, and now the children know the man as "Mommy's friend who comes over when Daddy is gone."

Abby, I have seen her write love notes while she's supposed to be working, and I have seen e-mails in which he confesses his love for her. I feel sorry for the spouses of these two people.

Should I just mind my own business, let this continue, and let them get caught on their own? What would you do if you were in my place? -- LOLA IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR LOLA: I would mind my own business and let them get caught on their own. However, since the romance appears to be an open secret -- and being as it's Las Vegas -- I'd start a pool and take bets on how long it will take before one of the children mentions "Mommy's friend" to Daddy.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have enjoyed the columns you've printed about people whose names matched their professions, and wonder if you would be interested in an incident that happened to my sister. Her name is Dragony, and she works in a pharmacy located in a medical building. Her license plate reads DRAGONY. Well, someone went into the pharmacy and asked the girl at the counter, "Who is Dr. Agony?" I still laugh when I think about it. -- KATHI IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR KATHI: Funny! Your sister's license plate reminds me of one that belongs to my neighbor, who happens to be an anesthesiologist. Her license plate reads: EPIDURL.

I am still hearing from readers offering names -- and some of them are a hoot. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Years ago, I was office manager for a printing company that did work for the American Tobacco Co. in North Carolina. The purchasing agent's assistant there was a woman by the name of Flicka Ashe. Can you believe it! -- DOLORES IN SPARTANBURG, S.C.

DEAR ABBY: I have sold real estate for 18 years, and no one ever forgets my name. It's ... BETH NEWHOUSE, MAYVILLE, N.Y.

DEAR ABBY: My grandma fell and broke her hip last summer and had to have surgery. Her surgeon? Dr. Mark Cutright! -- KATHY IN TENNESSEE

DEAR ABBY: Shame on you! How could you forget your fellow member of the Group for Advancement of Psychiatry -- Dr. John Looney? -- FRANCES ROTON BELL, DALLAS

DEAR ABBY: Here's an item that might qualify. It's from the Jan. 16 edition of our local newspaper: "Charles T. Sprinkle, 27, of Sandpoint was cited on a charge of urinating in public at 11:52 p.m. in the 200 block of Main Street." -- LARRY S. IN IDAHO

DEAR ABBY: Would you like more names that match? My optician was named Ralph Glance, my daughter's allergist was Dr. Eitches, and my children's dentist is Dr. Spitz. -- SUSAN K., HAYWARD, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: When I was in high school, there was a family with the last name "Braa." Guess what the mom's first name was? "Iona"! My initials are "B.S.," but this story is not. -- B.S., FARIBAULT, MINN.

DEAR ABBY: When my sister and I were children, we'd play a game called "I Spy" during road trips from Georgia to Alabama. On one of them we spotted a septic tank installation and maintenance company named "Seth Poole and Sons." -- LARRY IN DOERUN, GA.

DEAR ABBY: I used to work with a young woman named Linda Snow. She met and married a wonderful man. When she did, she became Mrs. Snow-White! -- A FAN, SUN CITY, ARIZ.

DEAR ABBY: My salesman husband was dealing with a particularly difficult client who demanded to speak to the boss. The reply: "I'll be happy to transfer you to him. His name is Robin Hood; if he isn't in, you can speak with his secretary -- Marian!" True story, real people. -- JENNIFER IN HOUSTON

DEAR ABBY: This isn't occupation-related, but I thought you might get a kick out of it anyway. I went to school with twins Esther and Lester Chester and their big brother, Chester Chester Jr. And no, I'm not kidding. -- L. LEGGETT, MAGNOLIA, MISS.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 18 years old. I live with my girlfriend, and we live with her mother, 7-year-old sister and her stepdad.

When I first met her, she told me that her stepfather had tried to get her to take nude pictures "so she would trust him and won't be shy." He has asked her twice since we have been together. Each time he has asked, he has told her not to tell me, yet he tells her that he wants her to take the pictures so I will have something to look at when they leave on vacations.

Recently, because he wasn't able to get her to take the pictures, he told her that she and I need to have sex and be loud about it so he can hear -- "so she will trust him." During the same conversation he told her he was thinking about making her take the pictures, but figured she would hate him forever, so he didn't.

Before that happened, we found a device that looked like a small hidden camera in her bedroom. We weren't sure what it was, so we waited until one day we pressed "Play" on the VCR and all you could hear was the radio in her room and everything that was going on -- like the TV and us talking. He was trying to record us, and he tried to blame it on his 7-year-old daughter.

I'm not the kind of guy to get into family problems, but I love my girlfriend, and I'm tired of hearing and seeing this. Please tell me what you think I should do. -- GETTING WORRIED IN FLORIDA

DEAR GETTING WORRIED IN FLORIDA: I'm glad you wrote to me because you have every right to be worried. Putting aside your unusual living situation, it is apparent from your letter that your girlfriend's stepfather has an unhealthy interest in her. He is at the very least a voyeur, and possibly a pedophile.

It is very important that you and your girlfriend discuss this with a trusted teacher or counselor at her school or with a clergyperson. If you are reluctant to do this for yourselves, then please do it for the 7-year-old girl in that household -- because if this man is behaving this way with your girlfriend, it is only a matter of time until it happens to her (if it hasn't already).

DEAR ABBY: My parents come to visit about once every two months. My mother is very nosy. She goes through my stuff when I am not at home. She will do my laundry for me (which gives her access to my bedroom, my dresser, my closet, etc.). She uses the excuse that she is "cleaning" to snoop.

The last time she was here, she "did my laundry," and when Dad and I got home, my personal lubricant was sitting on my microwave! I was so embarrassed.

Abby, I am a grown woman. I am 33 years old, and I am tired of her leaving my personal stuff out to let me know she knows I have it. What do I do? -- MISS T. IN DACULA, GA.

DEAR MISS T.: Well, your "secret" is out. Both your parents know you are sexually active. You should have had a frank talk with your mother and set some boundaries years ago.

You now have a choice: You can get a deadbolt lock for you bedroom door to prevent your mother from embarrassing you again. Or, you can take the bull by the horns and leave the personal lubricant next to her bed the next time your parents visit. When she brings it up, tell her that since you're all adults, you assumed she needed to use it during her last visit but had forgotten where it belonged. It should be interesting to see how she handles it when the "hot potato" winds up back in her lap.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)