DEAR ABBY: My son, "Caleb," has a serious bullying problem. He is 14 and in ninth grade. His teacher has had to meet privately with me three times this week. Caleb will hit, bite, chew, spit on or slap the other students in the classroom. He has even hit his teacher.

At home, Caleb hits me and bites my arm. He also picks up things and throws them at people. I don't know if I should try to deal with him myself or send him to a psychiatrist. I am worried that my son is becoming a serious problem, and I want to make sure that it doesn't ever go too far. Please help me. -- CAN'T COPE, RICHARDSON, TEXAS

DEAR CAN'T COPE: It has already gone too far. Your son has a serious problem. By age 14, he should have long ago learned how to control his raging temper. Caleb should absolutely be evaluated by a mental health professional. And if he assaults you, another child or a teacher again, the police should be notified because the young man is a serious danger to others.

DEAR ABBY: Please encourage the families of soldiers returning from the war to be patient and not pressure the soldier upon his/her return by insisting he or she visit relatives, or attend this or that function in their honor.

A relative of mine just returned from the Middle East and regrets each and every time he has visited home because his parents won't let him rest and be quiet. He is now considering no longer coming home on leave.

All he wants is time to adjust and regain some peace of mind. He often hides out at my house, where there are no pressures, just relaxation and a quiet atmosphere because I place no demands on him. This has been very stressful for my soldier relative -- to the point that he has broken down in tears in my presence more than once.

Should I say something to the parents when and if their relative stops coming home altogether? I'm not that close to them, but the relative and I have always been close. -- CARING RELATIVE, CHATTANOOGA, TENN.

DEAR CARING RELATIVE: Ideally, the person who should speak to these proud parents is their son. If he can't find the courage to inform them that he's not up to public appearances, then you should do it -- now.

And thank you for giving me the chance to point out that upon return from a war zone, our fighting men and women need private time to rest, decompress, and slowly readjust to a lifestyle in which they are not constantly under the threat of danger, where every stranger they encounter is not a potential suicide bomber or terrorist, where the sound of a balloon popping is not a signal to hit the dirt, and they can sleep through the night in a place they are certain won't be a target. (There is no guarantee they won't wake up in the middle of the night still feeling the terrors of the war zone, anyway.)

The pressures to which our service members are subjected in a war zone can leave them with post-traumatic stress problems that take time, and often therapy, to overcome. It's important that families understand and appreciate this, and not overschedule their service member regardless of how well-intentioned the social schedule may be.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I chuckled when I saw the letter from "Eating Single but Not Alone" (Feb. 5), about discovering single men in a diner at breakfast. She's right on. I own and run a diner that's been serving breakfast and lunch for more than 25 years. Not only do male customers meet and eat here weekly, many of them eat here every day, usually at the same time, so they can catch up with others who do. Many of the men are single, widowed, divorced or retired, and just want to start their day with a decent meal in a friendly atmosphere. Between 8 and 9:30 a.m. seems to be the most popular time -- and yes, they sit at the counter.

My advice to single women: Bring the crossword puzzle from the daily paper and you won't feel so awkward. It will give you a legitimate reason for starting a conversation, and you may even get offered help with the answers. -- MAINE-LY COOKING IN PHIPPSBURG

DEAR MAINE-LY COOKING: You may be Maine-ly cooking, but I wouldn't be surprised if you have stirred up more than a couple of love matches. I loved the mail that letter generated. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I'm a waitress at a 24-hour diner. Kudos to you for passing "Eating Single's" letter along. I love it when our "regulars" come in and become friends with each other. Even if it leads to nothing more, it widens your circle of friends. -- AMANDA IN CARMEL, IND.

DEAR ABBY: I have another suggestion for meeting men -- if you don't mind dating someone who's been around the block and already has children, that is.

On Wednesday, Friday and Sunday evenings (usually on the first, third and fifth weekends of the month), McDonald's is full of single dads either getting their kids for a Wednesday evening with not enough time to do anything but feed them, or just after picking them up on Friday night after a hard day at work, and again on Sunday just before dropping them off to Mom.

Some of these guys are a little skittish, but there are some real treasures among them who make great friends until they're ready for something more. After all, one woman's trash is another woman's treasure. I hope this helps some of the gals out there meet Mr. Right, or at the very least, make some good friends. I speak from experience. I've been married to my McDonald's man for 25 years. -- GOT MINE IN WEBSTER, TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: I'll tell you where all the dateable men are. If you like boating, go to the boat show. If you like motorcycles, go to a motorcycle show. If you like architecture, go to a home remodeling show. Go where the men are! You'll find men in all age ranges and income brackets. For the price of a $10 ticket, you can have an experience you'll never forget.

Oh, and this is for the men: If you want to meet a nice woman and get to know her background without asking questions, go to a nail salon and get a manicure and pedicure. My fiance and I get pedicures and manicures together, and the ladies just love chatting with him. It's one of the few times they can talk and a man will listen. -- HAPPY HUNTING! NUTLEY, N.J.

DEAR ABBY: Folks who want to meet eligible singles should join their high school or college alumni association and attend all the events offered. There are beautiful "gems" out there among the attendees. I know, because a dear friend of mine met, reconnected with and married her husband that way. -- BARBARA IN GLEN ALLAN, MISS.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I recently ended a nine-month relationship with a 40-year-old man I'll call Shallow Hal. I was head over heels in love with him. We had a lot in common and our personalities were compatible, but there was one major problem. Hal loved everything about me, but his love for me was contingent upon my losing weight.

Hal told me that when I lost weight, he would treat me better, let me meet his family and introduce me to his friends. Until I did, he denied me all those things, including hugs and kisses. For nine months Hal strung me along, and I believed that losing weight would change everything and we would end up together, happily ever after.

I am currently working on my master's in counseling psychology, and I should have known better. Clearly, Hal did not accept me for who I was, and I should have ended the relationship long ago because he was not into me. Some days he didn't know if he ever wanted to get married and have kids; other days he did. He was definitely unstable.

Why did I put up with this when I was the one who did all the driving to his house and all the courting? And how do I keep all this from replaying in my mind? I hear his weight comments over and over, and it's self-destructive, but I can't seem to let it go. Why do so many women like me waste so much time on men who simply don't care? The worst part is, I still love him. Please advise me. -- HEARTBROKEN IN WEST CHESTER, PA.

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: What you have described sounds more like obsession than love. You, like many other women, could not resist the challenge of "winning" a man who was unwinnable. By remaining one step out of reach, he stays in control. The woman gives and gives and gives, hoping that by giving just a little bit more she can "make" the man love her. It's a mating dance that doesn't end until the woman either wises up or collapses from emotional fatigue.

A way to erase those old tapes from your mind would be to consciously remind yourself why the comments were made. If that doesn't do the trick, then talk to a therapist. What you think of yourself is far more important than what Shallow Hal thought of you.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 52-year-old woman, my sister is 54 and our mom is 79. Last summer, when we were all together, we decided to bring in an expert to discuss the antiques we had acquired from family members over the years.

Although it was interesting to hear the monetary values placed on the 40-or-so pieces, the most valuable part of the experience was the ability to discuss and learn about the pieces together. Mom became a beacon of recall when information from our expert triggered her memories, and the experience was priceless. The only regret we had was that we didn't do it sooner, while my Aunt Wilma (Mom's older sister by 15 years) was still living, because we all agreed she would have been able to add to our laughter, our knowledge about the antiques and, consequently, our family history.

Abby, I know you have said this before in your column, but please remind your readers again that they should take time NOW and do things with loved ones while they are still living, rather than regretting not doing it after they are gone. It really was fun. We have talked about that day ever since. -- DR. MARCIA K., MARINA, CALIF.

DEAR DR. MARCIA: You have written an important letter. The greatest gift people can give each other is the gift of their time, their affection and their interest. No tangible item compares to the gift of love.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)