DEAR ABBY: I am unsure what to do about a friend who I thought was an honest, law-abiding citizen. She bragged to me that she's committing welfare fraud by not revealing additional income.

Abby, she gets free medicine, Section 8 housing and utility bill help among other things, courtesy of the government. In the meantime, she has bought a new car (paying cash), plastic surgery, etc. I never thought she would do something like this.

Should I report her to the authorities or mind my own business? I am not perfect, but I don't steal or defraud others, and it makes me angry that people who really need these services are denied them while she's on a continuous spending spree. What should I do? -- TICKED OFF IN TOPEKA, KAN.

DEAR TICKED OFF: Unless you want to continue subsidizing "her majesty" the welfare queen's continuous spending spree, pick up the phone and report what she's doing. Yes, there are a lot of people who need help; we pay taxes in part to help them -- but your "friend" isn't one of them. She should be made to pay restitution.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter, "Cameron," is turning 18 next month. After she graduates from high school, she insists that she's going to take a "road trip." She wants to drive from Texas to California. She has a car.

I am terribly upset about this. I worry about her safety. My husband, however, feels it is normal for kids to want to do this and won't back me up to try to influence her not to go.

Am I being overprotective, and if she insists, can she do what she wants now that she's officially an adult? -- WORRIED SICK IN PFLUGERVILLE, TEXAS

DEAR WORRIED SICK: If your daughter not only owns the car, but also pays for her own insurance and gas, and will be self-supporting and living on her own upon her return from her road trip -- then she can do as she wishes with no regard to your concerns. If several of her friends accompanied her, there would be less chance of her getting into a dangerous situation while on the road or in California.

Frankly, your husband's attitude mystifies me. Just because kids want to do this kind of thing doesn't mean their parents should buckle under. If it comes down to it, YOU should accompany her on her adventure. Tell her that after 18 years of raising her, you deserve this bonding experience.

DEAR ABBY: I suffer from food sensitivities. Recently, during an important yearly service at a church my daughter and I have not attended for long, I had some extremely loud and embarrassing gastrointestinal symptoms from having accidentally eaten something cooked in soybean oil at a restaurant.

This disturbance lasted more than 15 minutes, and everyone in our small church could hear it. I am now embarrassed to return to the church, as I don't want to be remembered as the woman whose flatulence wrecked the important church service. Is there any way to save face in this situation? -- IT WAS THE SOYBEANS!

DEAR SOYBEANS: When the flatulence started happening repeatedly, you should have stepped outside until it subsided. It would have spared you some embarrassment and been less of a distraction to your fellow worshippers.

However, because your concern is your fear of being remembered as the woman whose flatulence wrecked the service, you have no choice but to go back to the church and give them something positive to remember you by. Please don't let embarrassment keep you away. I'm sure your clergyperson will back me up on this.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Please help me get the word out about a common condition that severely affects children's ability to succeed in school because it inhibits reading, spelling and concentration.

My daughter, who was obviously bright, tested at first-grade reading level in fifth grade. She had undergone all the school testing for learning disabilities, plus two days of testing at a respected university hospital. None of these tests or specialists revealed what could be wrong with her.

My child's self-esteem suffered. Her confidence faltered; she began acting out in school. At home she was a great kid, until it came time for schoolwork. Then the battles began. She thought she was dumb. When studying, she could read for only a very short time. She often begged me to read things to her. When working on spelling and assigned to rewrite the words she missed five times, she often recopied them wrong. We thought she just wasn't trying.

After much research on the Internet, I came across a disorder called "convergence insufficiency disorder." This visual condition is the leading cause of eyestrain. Fortunately, we had the opportunity to have her tested at the Mayo Clinic, where her condition was confirmed, and she was successfully treated with vision therapy.

It was as though a miracle had occurred. After six months of treatment, my daughter is almost at her age-appropriate reading level. Her comprehension and retention have markedly increased, and her self-esteem and attitude about reading are much better.

Children with this condition will not benefit from tutoring, special education or extra help from teachers until the condition is diagnosed and treated. My child had 20/20 vision and still had this disorder. It's not routinely checked with eye exams, and schools don't test for it.

I suspect that many children out there are undiagnosed or misdiagnosed and going untreated. The treatment for convergence insufficiency disorder is noninvasive, effective, and much of it can be done at home. Please help me get the word out so other families won't have to go through what we experienced. -- ANGIE W. IN MINNESOTA

DEAR ANGIE: I am pleased to help you get the word out to other families whose children are struggling to learn. After reading your letter, I contacted my experts at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minn., and was informed that this problem, where the eyes drift too much inward (or outward) in attempting to focus, can also be present in adults.

The symptoms can include eyestrain, headaches, blurred vision, sleepiness and trouble retaining information when reading. Other symptoms associated with convergence insufficiency include a "pulling" sensation around the eyes, the rubbing or closing of one eye when reading, words seeming to "jump" or "float" across the page, needing to reread the same line of words, frequent loss of place, general inability to concentrate and short attention span.

The good news is: Vision exercises can fix the problem in most cases, some done at home and some performed in-office with a vision therapist. Prism glasses are another option; however, they are more often prescribed for adults with this disorder than for children.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am separated from my husband of three years and have a beautiful 2-year-old son. Initially, I thought I'd retain my married name, but the more I've been thinking about it, what harm would it do if I changed it? Is it really going to be that confusing or upsetting to explain to my son? After all, I will always be "Mom" to him, and nothing will change that.

I would love to take my maiden name back and put my husband and this chapter of my life with him behind me. However, we have a son who will always carry his father's name. Is it selfish of me to consider reverting back to my maiden name? -- MRS. SCORNED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR MRS. SCORNED: Not in my opinion. Thirty years ago, thinking on the subject was different. However, today, with so many women retaining their maiden names after marriage, what you have in mind is not unusual. I say, go for it.

DEAR ABBY: I have a 16-year-old son who got into trouble with the law. He is on probation until September. The problem is, he is still causing trouble and starting fights.

I am afraid of what will happen to his younger brother, who is 10 and has Down syndrome. We live in a new neighborhood, and I don't want our house to get hit by gangs. -- FRANTIC MOM IN SASKATOON

DEAR FRANTIC MOM: If your older son is still causing trouble and starting fights, then he is breaking probation. In order to protect your younger boy -- and yourself -- his probation officer should be notified.

Ideally, your older son should receive some professional counseling to help him deal with his anger issues -- some of which may stem from the fact that his younger brother needs so much of your attention. Please see that he gets help before his behavior escalates to the point where someone is seriously injured.

DEAR ABBY: My 26-year-old son, "Luke," has been engaged for a year and is being married in October. My 24-year-old son, "Elijah," has just announced that he will ask his girlfriend to marry him, and he would like to be married in August.

Would it be improper for him to be married before his brother, who has had his wedding scheduled for quite some time? -- BOYS' MOM IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR MOM: I wouldn't be surprised if Luke and his fiancee viewed it as an attempt to upstage them and resented it. Also, if Elijah and his girlfriend are planning a formal wedding, it might create a problem for relatives who might have to pay for travel and lodging for two weddings two months apart.

I recommend that unless there is a compelling reason for him to be married in August, that Elijah postpone his wedding until the following year.

DEAR ABBY: Is it wrong to have a sugar daddy? I am a 29-year-old woman who wants to go back to school and get a degree. The gentleman making the offer is an older man I met and befriended several years ago.

What if there is no sex involved? What if he is simply a generous benefactor of a cause -- the cause being me and my educational future? -- AMBIVALENT IN BROOKLYN, N.Y.

DEAR AMBIVALENT: If there is no sex involved and he is simply a generous benefactor, then he is not a "sugar daddy." He is your mentor, and you'd be foolish not to accept his generosity.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)