DEAR ABBY: I am 24 years old and pregnant by a married man. I didn't find out that he was married until after I learned I was pregnant. I love him so much, and he swears he loves me, too.

He has not told his wife anything about me or his expected child. I am afraid to tell my family that he's still married. He has promised me that he's going to leave his wife, but I don't see that happening. Please tell me what to do. -- ALL ALONE IN EUSTIS, FLA.

DEAR ALL ALONE: First of all, tell your family what is going on. It appears you are going to need all the emotional support they can give you.

This man has lied and misrepresented himself to you from the beginning, so don't expect him to suddenly stand up and act like a man now. Give him a clear choice. Either he leaves his wife, or you are going to a lawyer. If he doesn't follow through on his promise to you, a lawyer is what you will need to ensure that he provides financially not only for his child, but also for your prenatal care.

DEAR ABBY: I have recently begun taking a two-hour bus ride to a nearby city on the weekends. I always buy a round-trip ticket, as I take the last bus back at night. I park my car near the bus terminal, and the same clerk always waits on me when I come in.

I began to notice that most of my fellow passengers had a different-colored ticket than mine. I didn't pay much attention to it at first. I now realize that the clerk has been selling me "senior" tickets, the kind that are reserved for people age 65 and older.

Abby, I have more than 10 years before I turn 65. By today's standards, this is far from old. This has caused me considerable embarrassment. I want to continue using the service, but I want to have the proper ticket. I think these employees should be given some sensitivity training. I'd like your thoughts on "senior citizen" discounts. -- UPSET IN UTICA, N.Y.

DEAR UPSET: The age of eligibility for senior discounts can begin from a person's mid-50s, and they can be a blessing for people who are no longer working and living on fixed incomes. The clerk may have been trying to do you a favor.

Instead of being embarrassed or upset, inform the clerk that although you appreciate his/her attempt to save you money, you are not yet eligible for the discount and would prefer to pay the full fare. That should solve your problem.

DEAR ABBY: I am a freshman in high school, and my parents are divorced. My mother lives in Florida and my dad lives in Ohio. By June, I will have to choose which one of them I want to live with -- which will mean not seeing the other one for three-quarters of the year.

I love both my parents and hate going through this. Do you have any advice for me? -- DIFFICULT CHOICE, BALTIMORE, OHIO

DEAR DIFFICULT CHOICE: My heart goes out to you because I know this is a difficult time and a wrenching decision to make. However, because your e-mail address is in the name of "Hellraisin' Devil," you should choose the parent who will be able to provide you with the most supervision until you're out of high school.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been happily married for nearly three years. My husband is fine except for one problem: He has a very tiny male organ. It does not bother me, but he constantly apologizes to me about it. He's so self-conscious that he doesn't like for me to see him undressed.

I'm an old-fashioned girl. I saved myself for marriage. Before I met my husband I did some heavy petting with a couple of former boyfriends, but that was all. When he and I dated, I knew he was not as well-endowed as my former boyfriends, but I accepted it.

Now he has started saying he thinks I should have an affair with someone "properly endowed" so I won't feel cheated. He says he wants me to experience satisfaction in a way he knows he can't provide me.

Abby, I don't want this. I can't understand why he's asking me to do such a thing. He keeps harping on it. At first, I was shocked. Now I must admit, he has me wondering if I really am missing something. Should I do it to pacify him and satisfy my own curiosity? I can't bring myself to go against my upbringing and commit adultery.

Please advise me. I'm frustrated about this entire situation. -- NO BIG THING?

DEAR "NO": If you do what your husband is suggesting, he will never forgive you, and it will spell the end of your marriage. He is only testing you; don't go for it.

Your husband's insecurity has gotten the best of his reasoning, and he's overdue for a frank talk with his doctor about what it takes to provide satisfaction for his wife.

While he's at it, he should ask for a referral to a specialist who can help him overcome his irrational insecurity. If he refuses to go, I urge you to go without him. It could save your marriage -- which at this point is in big trouble.

DEAR ABBY: I have been working as a nurse's aide for more than 20 years. Now that I am older, no one wants to hire me. I'm in good health and very active. I have never missed a day of work except in 1996, when I had surgery for colon cancer. Three weeks after that I went back to work, even though I took chemotherapy for a year.

I really need to work. Living on my husband's small Social Security check is impossible. I have a grown daughter who is bipolar. Our combined incomes barely cover the rent and some of our utilities.

Why can't we older folks be allowed to do something we like? I have met and taken care of some wonderful people. Having a lot in common really helped.

I don't want charity -- just a chance to work. I'm not ready to sit in a rocking chair and watch television. I enjoy getting up in the morning and being needed. Not being active bores me to death. Maybe it's time you said something about older folks who are still young at heart, Abby. -- NEEDS TO BE ACTIVE

DEAR NEEDS TO BE ACTIVE: With pleasure. Not everyone ages at the same rate. We all know people who are vigorous and healthy well into their 70s and beyond. I view older workers as a valued resource. Those who are able and willing to devote their energies to the workplace should be given the opportunity. Their loyalty, work ethic and wealth of experience are tremendous assets to any employer.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: After reading the letter from "Invaded" (March 9), and her description of the behavior of "Thelma," the gossipy coordinator, I was disgusted. That woman should be reported to personnel for her nosiness and big mouth.

Medical and mental health information are private. And the card to the woman who'd had a miscarriage may have been extremely hurtful if she didn't want anyone to know. Most women who have had multiple miscarriages don't tell anyone until they are sure they will carry the baby to term. Returning to work and talking to people who do not have the need to know is hard for them.

I can't believe the gall of that woman. Maybe she needs a heavier workload to keep her busy, or to be dismissed! -- DISGUSTED IN FORT COLLINS, COLO.

DEAR DISGUSTED: A number of people who, like you, were appalled by "Thelma's" behavior, or had similar stories to share, weighed in on "Invaded's" letter. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: "Thelma" has exposed herself and her employer to fines upward of $25,000 and other regulatory action. "Invaded" should immediately contact the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Office for Civil Rights. This woman's "gossip" is far more than annoying. It's a violation of the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act (HIPAA).

This law was designed to protect the privacy of all Americans with regard to their medical information. The Office for Civil Rights specifically handles violations of the act. A fact sheet on how to file a complaint is available at � HYPERLINK "http://www.hhs.gov/ocr/privacyhowtofile.htm" ��www.hhs.gov/ocr/privacyhowtofile.htm�. -- JOE IN ATLANTA

DEAR ABBY: With regard to "Thelma" asking her co-workers about their private medical business, I went through the same thing at one of my previous jobs. I found that if you turn the tables, things change rapidly.

A woman in our office always asked the most inappropriately personal questions and made everyone around her uncomfortable. We squirmed for months, until one of my friends suggested the following idea.

All of us in the office got together and made a list of the top 100 worst questions you could ever be asked. We all kept copies of them in our desks, and whenever "our Thelma" came around to one of us, we picked one to sincerely and innocently ask her. After trying to hem and haw her way out of questions about her sex life, her hair dye and various other things, she finally started avoiding us -- to the point of turning around and heading the other way whenever she saw one of us coming.

Problem solved! We found that a little of her own medicine worked wonders. -- TERRY T., ST. JOSEPH, MO.

DEAR ABBY: Tell "Invaded" to get a medical dictionary. When asked for a reason for medical leave, give the most complicated explanation of the illness. Words like "projectile vomiting," "explosive diarrhea" or "rhinorrhea with catarrh" will usually stop the conversation. -- JANE IN BERKELEY, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: I also live in New Bern, N.C., and gossip in this town is not limited to her law firm -- it's pervasive. I know the focus of "Invaded's" letter was labor law, but there's also the issue of emotional pain that gossip can cause when a person is going through a difficult time. If you're not a close friend or relative who is providing emotional support during a time of need, you should not be discussing the person's personal life. Period. -- CAN'T WAIT TO MOVE

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)