DEAR ABBY: Although this seldom happens, I disagree with your response to "Worried Sick in Pflugerville, Texas" (April 18). Her 18-year-old daughter, "Cameron," wants to make a road trip from Texas to California after her graduation.

By the time my daughter graduated from high school and turned 18, she had already been working for two years and had bought her own car. I was a single parent, and she had also helped with the rent, groceries and utilities -- and still managed to graduate with a 3.9 GPA. She went to San Francisco, Chicago and Las Vegas that summer after graduation -- then returned home, got her own apartment, and continued working at the same grocery store another two years before deciding her career path.

When our children turn 18, they are (by law) adults, and should not have to answer to their parents about their vacation plans. If parents have placed some responsibility on their children's shoulders while growing up, they usually have their feet firmly planted on the ground by the time they are 18.

Mom should untie those apron strings and allow Cameron to shine with the lessons she taught her. -- DIANA, HELENA, MONT.

DEAR DIANA: Call me overly cautious, but I was surprised at the number of people who wrote in support of "Cameron's" road trip -- even including some handy tips. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: There comes a time when grown adults need to discover the world on their own terms. Our country is waiting to be discovered! There is so much to see.

Your advice about taking friends along was a good one. But instead of being worried, that mother should help her daughter plan it out -- from road maps, to emergency kits, to learning how to change a tire. "Worried" can allay her fears if she teaches her daughter one last lesson: how to be prepared for the adventure of a lifetime. -- CINCINNATI TO CALIFORNIA

DEAR ABBY: "Cameron" will learn more about her country and the good people who make it up. She will also be exposed to new careers, climates, geography and, yes, adventures. While all parents worry when a child first leaves the nest, this could be the kind of experience that will make "Cameron" more self-sufficient and ready for the real world.

Denying such a trip for "safety's sake" is the same as never crossing the street because of "those dangerous cars." A life never lived is a life lost. -- READER IN BRECKENRIDGE, COLO.

DEAR ABBY: As a teen, I understand her daughter perfectly. After graduating from high school, many people take road trips. It's a liberating, coming-of-age experience. Besides, it will teach her how to become independent. And I don't know why anyone would want to take that away from her. I hope "Worried Sick" realizes that you gotta let go sometimes. -- SAN FRANCISCO TEEN

DEAR ABBY: "Cameron's" parents should do as mine did the first time I set off: Make sure she gets an AAA membership. It offers maps, travel guides, and hotel and camping guides that are invaluable. Insist she has her car checked out, and deal with any problems before she goes. Talk a little about safety -- what to do in certain situations, and what to do if she gets tired on the road. If she doesn't have a cell phone, she should get one.

They have raised a young woman who is bold, confident and ready to face the world on her terms. Now it's time to be supportive of her and very proud of themselves! -- FEMALE TRAVELER IN FLORIDA

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DEAR ABBY: Is 16 too young to know you're truly in love? My boyfriend, "Miles," and I both feel that we're truly in love and want to spend the rest of our lives together. We realize that it will be a few years at the least before we can marry, but we're willing to wait.

My older sister laughs at me when I say that I know I'm in love. She says I am way too young, and I need to be older and more mature -- like she is -- to understand. She's 17 1/2, so she's really not that much older.

I have a large picture of Miles in our room, and when she has friends over, she points at it and says, "That's Judy's true love forever," and they all laugh about it. Can you be truly in love at my age? -- JUDY IN BIRMINGHAM, ALA.

DEAR JUDY: Yes, it is possible to be truly in love at 16. However, at 16 you are still maturing emotionally and intellectually.

The problem with making a lifetime commitment at this age -- although some people have done it -- is that both of you are still "growing" as individuals. Not all people grow at the same rate, and their interests often diverge. Does this mean the couple is not truly in love? No. But it does mean that it's better to be older before making a promise to stay with someone "forever."

That said, your sister is wrong to belittle and ridicule your feelings. And for her to do so is a reflection of her own immaturity.

DEAR ABBY: I have been seeing a certain man for about eight months. We get along wonderfully most of the time. However, when we're out in public, he is very cold to me and standoffish.

Four months ago, we were at a trade show where he ran into friends of his and stood and talked for 15 minutes without ever introducing me. I finally walked off.

The same thing happened again on Mother's Day. Some friends of his approached, and they visited awhile. The difference this time was one of the men in the group noticed me standing there and interrupted the conversation to introduce himself, as did everyone else then. My so-called boyfriend never said a word.

As we were leaving, the main speaker at the clinic where we were stopped him and asked, "Is this your wife?" -- which I am not, but I also am not as he introduced me. He replied, "No, this is my friend." (We are intimate!)

I do not like the way my boyfriend treats me in public, and I am tired of his being noncommittal. Am I being unreasonable? -- TIRED IN COMANCHE, TEXAS

DEAR TIRED: Your "boyfriend" either was never taught good manners, or he is so into himself that he has no concern for your feelings. Instead of pretending you were part of the pattern on the wallpaper and ignoring your presence, he should have immediately introduced you.

What happened at the clinic should be your wake-up call. Although you are intimate and consider him to be your "boyfriend," he has stated publicly that he considers you only a friend. (With benefits!) If that's how you wish to be regarded, then continue seeing him. If not, give your ego an enormous boost and walk away. He's obviously still looking, and so should you.

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DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Sean," died suddenly last year. He was a wonderful husband and father in every way. I knew about Sean's cross-dressing from the beginning and accepted it unconditionally.

Our 11-year-old son, "Brad," knows nothing about this part of his father's life. Sean and I discussed it many times, and it was his wish that Brad not be told until he was older.

My concern is, I receive mail, credit card applications, personal letters, etc. addressed to "Serena." Only one member of Sean's family knows about Serena, although most of his friends do. I am unsure what to do if and when Brad asks questions, as we all know he will.

There are also clothes to get rid of and other personal items of Serena's.

I want to honor the memory of my husband and his other self without hurting his family or our son. It is hard sharing this information with banks, credit card companies, and other places where "her" name appears. I try to explain that Serena was Sean's alter-ego and that when he died, so did she, but I do not want to go into detail.

How do I honor the man and woman I loved, and at the same time, protect our son? This is the only subject we never had a chance to talk about. -- ALONE WITH THE SECRET IN WISCONSIN

DEAR ALONE: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the loss of your husband. When dealing with credit card companies, banks, etc. it is not necessary to go into detail about who Serena was. It is none of their business. Simply state that your husband, Sean, is deceased, and mail in his name should be stopped. And also do the same for Serena.

As to discussing your husband's other self with your son, my experts advise that the best time to let children know about the cross-dressing is when they are very young (3 or 4), and can accept it naturally as "the way things are." Eleven years old is too advanced an age for the subject to be introduced now. You would be better to wait until the boy has matured into his late teens or adulthood to discuss it with him.

When you dispose of Serena's things, do it at a time when your son is away or out of the house. If there are special items you would like to hold onto as keepsakes, consider renting storage space or putting them in a location in your home to which your son does not have access.

For support and information -- as needed -- you should visit the Tri-Ess Web site, � HYPERLINK "http://www.tri-ess.org" ��www.tri-ess.org�, as well as a chapter of Tri-Ess called Nu Lambda Pi. This is a family-oriented support group for heterosexual cross-dressers, their spouses, partners and family members. It can be accessed at www.geocities.com/nulambdapi.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter and I have been busy addressing her graduation announcements. We came across a problem we thought you might know the answer to. How do you address a formal announcement to a married couple where the woman is a physician and the man is not? "Mr. and Mrs. Joe Smith" is obviously not right, but I'm not sure "Mr. and Dr. Joe Smith" is correct, either. Can you help? -- NEEDS TO KNOW FAST IN ST. LOUIS

DEAR NEEDS TO KNOW: The envelope should be addressed to Mr. Joe Smith and Dr. Helen Smith.

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