DEAR ABBY: I teach aspiring elementary school teachers in a credential program in California. The family of one of my students came up with a great way to celebrate her graduation from the program and help her prepare for her new career as a teacher. They threw her a "teacher shower."

To help her start her classroom library, each guest brought a hardback copy of his/her favorite children's book. She was also given baskets of teacher supplies such as Sharpie pens, Post-Its, stickers and colored paper for the school copier.

Other gift ideas are class sets of small white-boards with markers, board games, membership to teachers' organizations like the National Council of Teachers of Mathematics and the National Council of Teachers of English, subscriptions to children's and teachers' magazines, art supplies, a museum membership, P.E. equipment like balls and jump ropes, etc.

I know the shower meant a lot to my student, and in states like California, where teachers often spend hundreds, if not thousands of dollars of their own money for classroom supplies, throwing a teacher shower can be a terrific way for families and friends to show their support for the new teacher and for education in general. I hope you will print this, Abby, to help spread the idea of teacher showers and show support for the next generation of classroom teachers. -- JULIE, A TEACHER'S TEACHER, BERKELEY, CALIF.

DEAR JULIE: Dedicated teachers are among the unsung heroes in our country. They guide and shape the members of future generations, and rarely receive the credit or the income they deserve for their efforts. I love the concept of a teacher shower to help young, idealistic educators get off to the start they need, and I hope the idea will be popularized not only for new teachers, but also more experienced educators who would find it helpful. I'm sure there are many.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, Rex, and I have been married 12 years and have two children, ages 11 and 7. Rex was married once before, while in his 20s, for a very short time. His first wife left him for someone else. (Thankfully, there were no children involved.)

Rex does not want our children to learn about his first marriage. He feels it represents a failure on his part, and he sees no reason why the children should be told. However, his ex-wife still lives here in town, and on a couple of occasions we have bumped into her at local restaurants. Rex was very uncomfortable during these encounters, and the children did not understand why.

My thought is to simply get this out in the open, but Rex refuses. I don't like keeping secrets from our kids, and feel that the longer we wait, the more our kids will feel betrayed by the secrecy. But I also want to be sensitive to my husband's feelings. How should we handle this? -- WIFE NO. 2 IN HOUSTON

DEAR WIFE NO. 2: Do not mention the subject. He may feel uncomfortable about it because he was the one who was left. If the kids hear about it elsewhere -- and they may -- be honest and tell them the marriage was long ago and very brief. If they want to know why they weren't told about it, tell them to ask their father. (I'm sure they'll forgive him once they understand.) Then, before your children can get to your husband, warn him that the cat's out of the bag so they don't catch him flat-footed.

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DEAR ABBY: I have recently become engaged. I was approached last week by an old friend, "Lindsay," who sat me down and asked me in a serious manner if she could be a bridesmaid in my wedding. I was taken aback by her question and responded awkwardly, saying I hadn't decided yet. She looked hurt, and I quickly changed the subject.

Frankly, Lindsay is someone I hadn't considered asking to be in my wedding because we have grown apart over the years.

I will be selecting my bridesmaids soon, and I don't want to hurt her feelings even more. How should I handle this? -- BRIDE-TO-BE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR BRIDE-TO-BE: As I see it, you have two choices. You can pretend Lindsay never asked you that question. Or, you can have a chat with her and explain that you and your fiance have discussed who will be in the bridal party, and, because you and she have grown apart over the years, you have decided to ask other people.

Either way, she's not going to like it. But remember, she was presumptuous to put you on the spot in the first place, and you are under no obligation to ask her.

DEAR ABBY: I'm an attractive, single, successful, 27-year-old woman who has struggled with anorexia ever since I was 12. I have learned to live with it and feel no need to advertise it to the world. However, I find that many strangers, including a large number of people I associate with at work, feel a compulsion to comment on my weight (105 pounds and 5 foot 9), the size of the clothes I wear, or what I eat. It's as uncomfortable a subject for me as I imagine it is for people who are overweight, and I have no "pat" answer for them.

When work associates ask your size or your weight, or even go so far as to assume you have an eating disorder, is there a polite response to remind them of the inappropriateness of their question? -- ANNOYED AT 105

DEAR ANNOYED: Clearly, your weight issues are more obvious to those around you than you chose to believe. However, you are under no obligation to answer these intrusive questions if it makes you uncomfortable. When confronted, reply, "That's a very personal question (or subject), and I'd prefer not to discuss it." Then change the subject.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a female in my mid-20s, starting on a career as a professional musician. I play an instrument, the flugelhorn, that is played professionally by fewer females than males. I have also been gifted with good looks.

On many occasions when I've performed with a group, I have received compliments from band members as well as members of the audience, usually about my playing AND my appearance. (I dress tastefully, not provocatively.)

Do you have some creative ways of saying "thank you" to these nice people? I realize that just a simple "thank you" is always appropriate, but is there another way I can respond to show my appreciation for their kind words without sounding like I'm rejecting the compliment or I have heard it a thousand times? -- JESSE IN BURBANK

DEAR JESSE: Sometimes the more "creative" someone is, the more room there is for misinterpretation. When acknowledging a compliment, keep it simple. Just say, "Thank you," or, "How kind of you to say that."

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DEAR ABBY: One of my female co-workers regularly scrutinizes the wardrobe and accessories of all the other co-workers, male and female. Her scrutiny is so detailed that she notices the littlest thing -- even a change in nail polish color, or the buttons on a jacket.

Every time she sees some new clothing or jewelry, she moves in for a closer look and often touches the item. Her comments are not casual, but very detailed. I feel like I am in the army and going through uniform inspection and that she is constantly judging everyone.

Another co-worker has commented to me about this in a joking way, but I suspect she resents it, too. I want to say something to the offending co-worker so that she will stop examining me from head to toe every day. On the other hand, it's a small office and I want to maintain harmony. Any ideas? -- UNDER A MICROSCOPE IN FLORIDA

DEAR UNDER A MICROSCOPE: It would not be unharmonious to tell this co-worker that her comments and touching are making you uncomfortable, and to please stop. Once you have done that, you have put her on notice. If she continues after that, then it's time to say something to your boss -- because this person's behavior could be considered a form of harassment.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a man for about six months. We are both in our 40s and have grown children. Things were becoming serious until about a month ago, when he said he had some personal problems "that I wouldn't understand."

Well, yesterday he finally told me what the problem is. Apparently he likes to dress and act like a woman sometimes. He says he does it to "release tension." Some of what he told me seems petty -- he likes women's hygiene products. But I don't understand why he would find release by dressing as a woman because we have an active sex life.

He said he has been to counseling many times, and it hasn't helped. I really like him, but I'm not sure if I can handle the whole dressing-like-a-woman thing. What would you do if you were in my situation? -- TOTALLY CONFUSED IN IDAHO

DEAR TOTALLY CONFUSED: If I really cared about him, I think I'd ask to spend some time with his "other self." Then I'd make up my mind about whether or not I could accept the situation. Many cross-dressers are happily married and have perfectly normal marriages except for this one "quirk." (And let's face it -- is anyone completely quirk-free?)

DEAR ABBY: I am driven nuts by know-it-alls who like to correct others. Most often, the detail is small and superfluous. Why do people do this? Is it a matter of control?

I am close to a couple of people who correct me in public on a regular basis. Hey, I'm flawed and I know it -- obviously they are perfect. How does one deal with those who constantly correct others? -- CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE

DEAR CAN'T TAKE IT: People who feel compelled to correct others are practicing a form of one-upmanship. It can also be a reflection of their own social insecurity. The way to deal with it is to first point out to them that correcting others in public is rude, and if they continue, to avoid them whenever possible.

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