DEAR ABBY: Several years ago, when I was a divorced single father raising two adolescent children, we received an invitation to attend a wedding in Chicago. The bride's parents were cousins I hadn't seen or heard from in more than 20 years. The wedding coincided with the school break. I had accumulated vacation time at work and enough room on my charge cards to cover the cost of the expensive trip, so I replied that we would be glad to attend. I was excited to reconnect with the family and that my children would meet many of their relatives for the first time.

Boy, was I wrong!

The reception was held in the ballroom of an expensive hotel. Instead of being seated with my family, I was placed at a table on the opposite side of the huge ballroom. At the table were several couples and a few single women, all of whom seemed to know each other well. I felt somewhat out of place, but made light conversation, danced a few dances and tried to have a good time.

An aunt approached, tapped me on the shoulder, and asked me to join the family in a side room. When I entered, the men patted me on the shoulders and the women proceeded to tell me that the lady I had been seated next to had decided that I would be an acceptable husband for her! I was then told they would make all the wedding arrangements as quickly as possible.

At first I thought they were joking or that they had tasted too much of the bubbly. Then, in shock, I realized they were serious. I asked why they didn't consult me first. I made it plain I wasn't going to pull my kids out of school, away from their friends, sell my house, quit my job and throw away all our community relationships to move to a city halfway across the country, into an environment that was foreign to us, and marry a woman I had never met before. I told them the idea was insane and insulting.

They looked at me as if I were speaking a foreign language. I was told that because they had gone out of their way to arrange this match for me, my refusal was the height of selfishness and I was an ingrate. Angry, I took my children and left.

My children are now on their own, and I'm involved with a wonderful lady. We have been invited to a family gathering in Los Angeles, which will be attended by the group from Chicago. My lady friend has been pressing me to meet more of my family. I'm afraid to introduce her because I'm afraid she'll see how crazy my relatives are and reject me. What should I do? -- HAPPY IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR HAPPY: Talk about good intentions run amok! Your letter is a first -- and believe me, I've seen some.

At first, I thought you and your family came from some other culture. Then I called you, just to make sure, and learned that you are third-generation American. It served to remind me that people need to be careful how hard they shake the family tree because it can cause the nuts to fall out.

Under no circumstances should you take your girlfriend to meet these relatives unless you first explain to her in detail what you have told me. Every family has a few eccentrics, and it probably won't bother her as much as it bothers you. But if these relatives are as you described, she needs to understand why she'll be getting a cool reception. Forewarned is forearmed.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My daughter's former lover, "Beau," is my age. (She is 20 years younger.) She was married when she and Beau had their affair, and still is. She regretted the affair, but continues to keep him as a friend. She introduced us a few years ago.

As their affair dwindled to a friendship, Beau and I began to have an interest in each other. As I started to see him in a different light, my family got upset.

Are they overreacting, or is this so strange that I should stop the relationship? It does creep me out a bit, but Beau is such fun to be with that I don't dwell on the past. Would it be extremely weird to date your daughter's ex-lover? Your thoughts, please. -- HAVING A BALL DOWN SOUTH

DEAR HAVING A BALL: Let me put it this way: It would be highly unusual. I'm all for having a ball, both down South and up North. But I wish you had mentioned exactly who in the family finds what you are doing "upsetting." If it's your daughter and her husband, you should seriously consider the consequences of continuing the romance because it could not only put a damper on future family gatherings, but also create a permanent rift between you and your daughter and her family.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my husband for 10 months. This is his first marriage and my second. I have a 12-year-old daughter and a 7-year-old son from my first marriage. When my son was born, I decided I was done having kids. I had one of each; it was perfect.

My new husband doesn't have kids of his own and would like to have a chance to raise a child from birth -- either a biological child or an adopted one. He's a good dad, and I know he would love to have a baby. I just feel like it would be an injustice to my kids -- not to mention unfair to another child because of not only the age difference, but the bond my children have with each other. At the same time, I would love to share that experience with my husband. I feel torn, and I don't know what's best. -- CAN'T DECIDE IN BOISE, IDAHO

DEAR CAN'T DECIDE: I hope you realize that this is something you and your husband should have thoroughly discussed before you married him. From my perspective, it is clear that YOU do not want another child. If you did, you would realize that the "bond your children already have" is capable of being expanded, and that they might love to have a much younger baby brother or sister. Love isn't something that's rationed. The more there is, the more there is.

DEAR ABBY: What are some ways that people can improve a negative self-image, improve their self-confidence and be more positive in their interactions with other people? -- A.J. IN SALT LAKE CITY

DEAR A.J.: I'm glad you asked. Allow me to offer a few suggestions:

(1) Stop and consider what caused your negative self-image. Then begin taking positive steps to improve your body, soul and intellect.

(2) If you feel yourself reverting to a poor self-image, remind yourself of what you are doing and why.

(3) Reach out and do something for someone who is less fortunate than you are. It's a guaranteed upper.

(4) Avoid people who make themselves feel better by making others feel less so.

(5) Count your blessings every single day, and make up your mind to be happy. People are usually as happy as they are determined to be.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I was frustrated by the lack of empathy that "Rachel in Philadelphia" (May 23) seemed to have for nursing mothers. She's the writer who asked if a nursing mother was "right or wrong" to expose her breasts to visitors in her home.

As a new mom myself, I say the guests should have been more sensitive. Women who cover themselves with a blanket while nursing in public are practiced and experienced. If you've never nursed, you have no idea how hard it is to get your shirt and bra out of the way, get your baby positioned and latched on properly, all while your hungry baby is squirming and fussing.

When it became apparent to Rachel that the infant was hungry, she could have offered to leave the room temporarily or held a blanket in front of the mother until the baby was positioned and latched on.

Learning to nurse takes patience and persistence. New moms are tired, frazzled, and in physical discomfort from recently giving birth. We need support, not judgment, from friends and family. -- ANOTHER NEW MOM

DEAR NEW MOM: Many readers felt as you do, and many moms wrote to offer helpful suggestions for the nursing mother, while reminding visitors to be more supportive. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: When I first breast-fed my son, I discovered that the process is not easy. And I, too, sometimes "flashed" visitors in my first attempts to get the hang of it. It's hard to be discreet during the first week or so. Afterward, however, I became proficient, and my husband was wonderful at providing a burp cloth or another item to help shield me when we were out in public.

Please tell Rachel to rest assured. In time, most nursing moms become so adept at the process that most people don't even realize they're breast-feeding. -- PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT

DEAR ABBY: It never fails to amaze me how a society that participates in the viewing of violence, sex, mean-spiritedness and idle gossip as entertainment can become "outraged" seeing the act of breast-feeding an infant. It's time we got our priorities straight! -- T.P., MANISTEE, MICH.

DEAR ABBY: Having a new baby can be a stressful experience. It is unfair to expect that mom to feel she must hide away in her own home for a half-hour or so while feeding her baby in the most natural and healthy way possible. If Rachel was that uncomfortable seeing a nursing baby, she should have offered to do a chore in another room, such as wash some dishes to help relieve the new mother. -- SANTA CLARA MOMMY

DEAR ABBY: While you are correct that nursing can be done discreetly, it is troubling that our society views breasts as purely sexual objects that should be concealed, instead of as the source of the best nutrition available to one's precious child.

In addition, infants who are breast-fed get sick less, so they don't have to go to the doctor as often as those who are not. Moms who nurse have less breast and ovarian cancer, and quicker weight loss after they give birth. The La Leche League Web site, � HYPERLINK "http://www.lalecheleague.org" ��www.lalecheleague.org�, can provide information and support. -- C. PAYNE, M.D. IN GAINESVILLE

DEAR ABBY: After I had my baby, my doctor came into my hospital room and asked if I was planning on nursing my baby. I said I was. He could see my roommate was listening to our conversation, so he asked her if she, too, was planning on nursing. She said no! My doctor, who was known for his frankness, said: "What do you think those breasts are for, sweaters? Nursing is the best way to go! The milk is always warm, and it comes in cute containers!" Needless to say, my roommate was speechless. -- NORMA IN HURRICANE, UTAH

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)