DEAR ABBY: We're having a problem with my little sister, "Madison." She's 6 -- almost 7. Mom told me that Madison talked to her dad and told him that my grandfather touched her. Two weeks after Madison told him, he finally told my mom. Mom talked to Madison about it, but she denied saying it.

Mom asked me if I would talk to my little sister and see what her response was. When I asked her if Grandpa had touched her, she put her head down and quietly said, "No." She does that when she's lying.

I waited an hour or so and asked about it again. She still said no, so I asked if she would like me to talk to Grandpa for her. She said yes. Then I asked, "So he did touch you?" She quickly said no and changed the subject.

Mom and I don't want to cause trouble with my grandparents, and we don't have enough proof that he did touch her. Please help. We're in desperate need of it. -- PROTECTIVE SISTER IN WASHINGTON

DEAR PROTECTIVE SISTER: Sometimes people who molest little children lead them to believe that it was their fault, or tell them that if they tell their mother, the molester will harm the mother. It is time to involve a trained, nonthreatening professional in this discussion.

I recommend that your mother ask Madison's pediatrician for a referral to a child psychologist who specializes in abuse. Through discussion, art projects and "play" sessions, he or she can evaluate the situation and determine what did or did not happen.

In the meantime, Madison should not be alone with her grandfather unless she is closely supervised.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 24-year-old recent college graduate. I have a great job and live in a country club community. My problem is, my boyfriend and I eloped, and I have yet to tell my ultra-traditional parents. They have never met him, as they live up north and I am in Florida.

Do you have any advice on how to tell them that I am married? -- SERIOUSLY SCARED IN FLORIDA

DEAR SERIOUSLY SCARED: The longer you hold off telling your parents, the more angry and disappointed they will be. I suggest that as soon as you and your husband can possibly manage it, you pay your parents a visit so you can tell them the good news. Put it this way: "Mom, Dad, I have a once-in-a-lifetime gift for you. Meet your son-in-law! I know you'll grow to love him as much as I do." Then duck.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance's parents told us they would help us pay for our wedding and sent him a check.

I am the one designated to plan this affair, but my fiance refuses to give me access to the money and says his parents gave the money to "him" for our wedding. He would rather I make the purchases and then ask him for a reimbursement. The check was made out to him. Should I feel any right to have access to the money? -- CONFUSED OR CONTROLLED

DEAR CONFUSED OR CONTROLLED: Be thankful this issue came up when it did. In the future, will any money your fiance's parents give you (both) also be controlled by him? You should definitely have access to the money without having to go hat in hand to him.

Many marriages have ended over issues of money and control, and my advice to you, before you get any closer to the altar, is to sign up for premarital counseling with your fiance to be absolutely sure you're on the same page before marrying him.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I still feel immensely hurt because of a failed relationship from almost 30 years ago. My high school sweetheart of almost four years broke off our engagement when we were in our early 20s. Our lives were going in different directions -- I was going to college and she was partying.

Over the years I never really got over the hurt, even though I have been married for 20 years and have a loving family. I finished college and have a great career.

Recently the wound was reopened when she reconnected through our high school Web site. She told me about her life, which has had its ups and downs. She now lives five states away. She's happily married but "just wanted to see what I'm doing and how my life ended up." I never returned the e-mail as it hurts too much.

How do I get over this, or doesn't the pain ever truly go away? -- ACHING IN NEW YORK

DEAR ACHING: First, thank your higher power that you have a successful career, a happy marriage and a loving family. Your pain will dissipate when you stop nursing your old hurts and count your blessings.

Quit dwelling on a disappointment from 30 years ago and begin living in the moment. Brooding is wasted effort. It only diminishes the present, and you have already wasted enough time looking over your shoulder.

If my commonsense cure doesn't do the trick, ask your doctor for a referral to a licensed psychotherapist for counseling because it appears you're mesmerized by the ghost of Christmas past.

DEAR ABBY: In April, my husband and I lost our daughter, Sophia, to complications from several birth defects. We received support from everyone we know, including some nice gifts, money for expenses, as well as cards and meals.

We have so many people to thank. We truly appreciate everything we have received, and when I see people in person I thank them. But I can't seem to bring myself to write thank-you cards.

Would someone expect a thank-you card for a gift to a parent who has just lost a child? I'm dreading the idea of going through the process of writing them. It brings back so many difficult memories. Does that make me ungrateful? I don't want to seem ungrateful, but the stress of having to write the thank-you cards is making me sick. -- GRIEVING MOTHER IN MISSOURI

DEAR GRIEVING MOTHER: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the loss of your baby girl. Please know that under the circumstances, all of your feelings are normal. However, the caring and generosity of those who reached out to you should be acknowledged.

Because you can't bring yourself to do this task yourself, enlist the help of close friends and family to help. The message doesn't have to be long and fancy. Keep it simple: "Thank you for reaching out to our family during this difficult time. Your kindness and generosity are much appreciated," should suffice. You should sign the cards. This will get the job done and free you from any sense of guilt or obligation you have for not having tackled the task sooner.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I were together for two years when suddenly his father passed away. Prior to his father's death, we had a good relationship.

It has been a month since the funeral, and now we are no longer together. He has pushed me away, saying he "needs space." He says he wants us to be together "eventually," but it's best that we end things now. He says it has nothing to do with me, he loves me and I was a good girlfriend -- it's just something he's going through.

I am distraught! He was my first love, and I can't believe he would just end our relationship so abruptly. He has discarded me like a piece of trash! If you truly love somebody, how can you just leave them without cause?

I'm trying to pick up the pieces of my broken heart, but I'm unclear on how to proceed. Some of my friends say I should fight for what I love. But my mom and my aunt say I should just leave him alone as he requested. Please help me, Abby. I don't know what to do. -- DAZED AND CONFUSED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR DAZED AND CONFUSED: Please accept my sympathy for what has been a painful experience -- particularly since you didn't see it coming. Not knowing your ex-boyfriend, I can't be sure whether he was completely on the level with you -- but this I do know: When a man -- or a woman -- tells someone he or she "needs space," that is what the person should be given. "Fighting for what you love" will only drive your ex-boyfriend further away.

You should not only leave him alone as requested, but also leave yourself open to meeting new people. Your mother and your aunt are wise and experienced women. They won't steer you wrong, so please let them help you through this.

DEAR ABBY: My parents, who are in their early 80s, live a four-hour drive from me. I received a typewritten invitation to come up and spend Father's Day with them, as well as celebrate my mother's birthday. My sisters and brother also received an invitation.

The problem is my mother stipulated that before coming to their house to share a meal, we must all join in going to church together. Abby, I am 50 years old and have different beliefs from my parents, but they are always pushing the church. I respect the fact that they're religious, but my mother knows I don't believe in organized religion. My sisters feel the same as I do -- that we're too old to be told what to do. I politely declined.

Of course, Mother is mad, but so am I. What bothers me is that I may never be able to spend Father's Day with Dad again if Mother continues to give me ultimatums, and at their age, there may not be too many Father's Days left. Abby, it isn't a matter of going to church once to satisfy my mother. She'll push the issue again and again. -- TICKED OFF IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR TICKED OFF: It appears your mother's religiosity has been so heavy-handed that it has turned every one of her daughters off. How unfortunate for all concerned.

I don't know if this is a battle of wills, or whether your mother actually expects some miraculous religious conversion will result from your being forced to sit through a service.

Allow me to offer an alternative. From now on for Father's Day and Mom's birthday, why don't you and your siblings take your parents out to celebrate the occasion rather than "coming to the house to share a meal"? Tell them you'll pick them up after church, and that way you can sleep an extra hour before making that four-hour drive.

However, if Mom doesn't budge, you may have to bite the bullet and sit through a service. Consider this: After they're gone, you'll have fewer regrets.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)