DEAR ABBY: Why do I keep meeting married men? I need a single or widowed man. If they're not married, they are too old! I am a wonderful widow. However, I am attracted to married men. Any remedies for me? Help! -- THE WIDOW QUEEN IN N.Y.C.

DEAR WIDOW QUEEN: It might help if you stop identifying yourself as royalty. You didn't mention your age, but if you are over 50, part of the problem may be that most men in your demographic are already coupled up, which narrows your field of available candidates. It is also possible that, for whatever reason, you are still not emotionally ready to give yourself completely to anyone, which is why you find unavailable men more attractive.

Some ways to widen your circle would be to join a singles group, become politically active, and/or venture onto the Internet and join some of the popular match-making sites where you can meet men who are eligible and looking for partners. Of course, that will mean learning current Internet dating etiquette and remembering what it was like when people used to meet in nightclubs. (As I recall, you couldn't necessarily believe everything you were told then, either.) I personally know several couples who met on the Internet and are happily married. Good luck, and good hunting.

DEAR ABBY: In 2002, my brother "John" was arrested for sex crimes against his stepdaughters. He's in prison until 2010 at the most. I have refused contact and have disowned him. John is now my parents' son. The only thing I feel toward him is hate.

I am a survivor of molestation myself. My parents can't understand my feelings. Mom is mad at the whole family because no one will take him in so he can be paroled. They live in Florida, and according to the prison review board, their address was denied by the state of Florida.

I have tried to make my mother realize that my feelings are mine. I don't tell her not to love John, so she shouldn't try to make me love him. He touched me inappropriately when we were young, but she wouldn't believe me. I know I am right -- or at least, I hope I am -- and I respect your opinion enough that I need to hear you say "yea" or "nay." Thank you. -- PRESSURED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR PRESSURED: Do not allow your mother to lay blame or guilt at your feet. It doesn't belong there. You are under no obligation to shelter the person who molested you as a child.

If your parents had believed you when you told them then, they might have gotten help for your brother while he was still young enough to receive it, and he wouldn't have acted out against his stepdaughters. Because they didn't he is where he is today, and it's where he belongs. You need me to tell you "yea"? Well, here it is: YEA!

DEAR ABBY: What do you say to someone who responds to an invitation with an endless recital of allergies, food and animal dislikes, physical problems, numerous needy relatives and their great lack of money? -- SORE EAR ANYWHERE

DEAR SORE EAR: You say, "I'm sorry you can't join us for the event. You'll be missed."

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I have an excellent friend, "Janis." She's nice, funny, and also very pretty.

One day Janis was asked if she wanted to have sex with the hottest boy in our middle school. Because she's my best friend, I would have thought she'd say no. Then I found out she had sex in the back of his parents' van. Abby, I can't believe Janis did that. She's only 12!

That was about three months ago. Now she thinks she's pregnant. Her parents haven't even found out about this yet. Janis is telling me not to tell. I don't know what to do. Please help. -- WORRIED IN GEORGIA

DEAR WORRIED: Some secrets are meant to be kept, but this isn't one of them. Whether your friend is pregnant or not, she needs to be seen by a doctor because she has become sexually active. It's time to tell your mother what you know, because Janis needs to inform her parents -- and it might be better if she has an adult who is not emotionally involved with her when she does.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter, who is going into the sixth grade, frequently invites her best friend, "Taylor," over for sleepovers. The problem is, Taylor is very forgetful. She misplaces things each time she visits, no matter how many times we remind her to keep track of her things.

During the last sleepover, Taylor lost an expensive video game. We all tore the house apart looking for it without success. Needless to say, Taylor's mother was not happy with us. Are we in some way obligated to replace her lost items, or does the responsibility fall on Taylor? -- "MONICA'S" MOM

DEAR MOM: The responsibility falls on the person who brought the item to your home. Taylor's mother's unhappiness is misplaced.

The next time the young lady is invited over for a sleepover, suggest that she make a checklist of the items she's bringing, so she can refer to it when she's gathering her things to go home. It also might help her become better organized.

DEAR ABBY: My friend "Cheryl" and I have been friends for three years. We became best friends last year. I started being nice and going on a coffee run every Friday morning for her and another co-worker. The co-worker pays for her coffee every week. Cheryl doesn't, but expects it.

Last year it didn't bother me because we would go to happy hour after work, and Cheryl would pay since I had bought the coffee in the morning. Well, things have now changed, but she still wants coffee. She has never offered to pay.

I am unsure how to tell her she must pay or she won't get any more coffee. It has become very expensive, and I am on a tight budget now. We also are no longer best friends, but we're still friendly. I'm afraid of ruining the relationship just because of the coffee. What should I do? -- COFFEE CADDY IN MCKINNEY, TEXAS

DEAR COFFEE CADDY: Before you fetch Cheryl one more cup of coffee, have a frank chat with her and explain that your budget no longer allows you to treat her. If the relationship is ruined because you asked her to pay for her own coffee, then face it -- it wasn't much of a friendship to begin with.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been together almost three years (minus five months separated). Whenever the subject of marriage comes up, he says, "... whenever YOU want to ask." In other words, he's putting the responsibility on me! I am old-fashioned when it comes to proposals, Abby. I think the man should ask.

Do you think he's putting the responsibility on me because he knows I won't ask and he doesn't want to commit? I have one child from a previous relationship, and I would like more, but I vowed that I wouldn't have another one until I was married. I am only 28, but I don't want to be having kids 10 years from now.

Oh yeah, we are looking at houses to buy together. How can I tell if he will ever "pop the question" or if it's a lost cause? What should I do? -- TIFFANY IN TEXAS

DEAR TIFFANY: With a child from a previous relationship and house-hunting with your current boyfriend, you may not be as "old-fashioned" as you think.

You appear to be a very trusting young woman. At the risk of sounding like a party-pooper, I am urging you to think long and hard about pooling your money to buy real estate with anyone until you have an attorney to look out for your financial interests.

At the pace your romance is going, it's fair to assume that your boyfriend is in no hurry to rush to the altar. If you're waiting for him to get off the dime, it could be years before he gets around to it -- if ever. So lay it on the line, call his bluff, and hope his answer is yes, because that will be the test of whether he's marriage-minded at all.

DEAR ABBY: I just turned 20, and my mother won't let me go. She wouldn't allow me to get my driver's license and has gone so far as to "lose" all my important documents. She will not let me obtain new ones or even get an ID to get a job.

All I want to do is have a job and some freedom. I am not even allowed to leave the house without her permission. I have to stay home all day to wake her up to go to work, then wait until she gets home to cook her dinner and wait on her hand and foot -- without even a "thank you" or an "I love you." What can I do to make her let me go? -- FED-UP CINDERELLA IN GEORGIA

DEAR FED-UP CINDERELLA: The situation you have described is not a normal mother-daughter one; it is virtual slavery. You must get out.

The first thing you should do is discuss your mother's obsessive hold on you with your clergyman and find out if someone from the church can give you a place to transition to. If that's not possible, contact a domestic violence shelter in a larger city than the one you live in -- because in a sense, your mother's behavior is a form of domestic violence.

DEAR ABBY: I'm having trouble at home, and nobody will listen to me. My dad is asleep all the time, and my mom is too tired and won't stop playing on the computer. What should I do? -- FEELING ALL ALONE, DAYTONA BEACH, FLA.

DEAR FEELING ALL ALONE: Regardless of what is causing your parents' fatigue, you should be their first priority. Because you cannot talk to them, you must find another adult you can confide in. Ideally it would be another relative -- a grandparent or an aunt. If that's not possible, perhaps the mother of one of your friends would make the time to listen and intercede with your parents for you. Please know you have my sympathy, and that while you think you are all alone, many other young people share your problem.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)