DEAR ABBY: While I was visiting, my best friend's live-in companion stole some money out of my purse. I told my friend, and she confronted him in my presence. He lied about it and denied it. Because I had stopped at the store on the way over there, I knew exactly how much cash was in my purse and where it was located. The circumstances left no room for doubt. I was heartbroken, as was she.

I decided not to stay for dinner and left in tears. My friend and I have spoken on the phone since. She said she knows by the way he is acting that he probably did it, but she does not wish to bring it up to him.

She has requested that I find a way to forgive him and resume visiting them. I have already forgiven him for many things he has done to her, including cheating. I feel this is just too much. When a child is caught stealing, the child owns up to it and is made to apologize. Am I wrong? -- APPALLED IN CLINTON, MICH.

DEAR APPALLED: You are correct as far as children are concerned. But this man is not a child, and your friend is not his mother, so don't hold your breath waiting for an apology. They have an unhealthy relationship, and I don't blame you for feeling as you do.

I recommend that from now on, you see your friend apart from her companion. However, if you decide to relent, lock your purse in the trunk of your car before entering their home.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Mike" for three years. We have just become engaged. The problem? Every so often Mike's mother invites him to dinner -- and when she does, she excludes my two children and me. I know this may seem petty, but it hurts my feelings and makes me feel left out of his family.

Mike has a married sister with children, and she's never invited without her family. This is hurtful for two reasons: (1) I am from a different part of the country, and my family is more than 1,000 miles away; (2) my mother recently passed away.

I have discussed how alone I feel without my family with Mike and his mother on several occasions. Mike has dinner with me and my children every night. We are trying to create a family atmosphere, because he will be their stepfather soon. (It's a feat to include another person in my grocery budget, but I feel I should because we're becoming a family unit.)

Am I off my rocker or being selfish? I don't want to seem petty. -- EXCLUDED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR EXCLUDED: I don't think you are being petty or selfish, but I do think you're being overly clingy. For a mother to invite her son to dinner alone occasionally is not a rejection of you. She may have things she wants to discuss with him privately. After you and Mike are married that may -- or may not -- change.

I don't know what kind of relationship you have with Mike's mother, but if she hasn't taken you into her heart after three years, it may be time to accept the fact that she is incapable of being the mother figure you would like her to be. Therefore, I encourage you to look elsewhere for that kind of female-bonded relationship.

Also, if Mike has been eating dinner at your house for any length of time "because you are becoming a family unit," rather than allowing you to struggle with your grocery budget, he should have been contributing to it. Please suggest it.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm married to a wonderful man with a big family secret. His brother "John" used to be his sister "Joanne." This does not bother me in the least because I met John as a man, and I consider him a man 100 percent.

However, now that I am expecting, I have started putting photo albums and scrapbooks together. I want our future children to see pictures of my husband during his childhood -- right along with mine -- but his "sister" is in almost all of them.

I have no problems being open and honest with our children, but because my brother-in-law doesn't know that I "know," I want to be sensitive to his feelings and don't want to share these albums with friends and family without having an answer to the question, "Who is that little girl in the picture?"

This is something that no one in the family discusses, and I feel I'd be overstepping if I were to call another family member for advice. My husband doesn't know what to do, and I do not wish to strain a wonderful relationship with John, his wife and their adopted children by telling them that I know. How should I handle this? -- ANONYMOUS IN ARIZONA

DEAR ANONYMOUS: Please understand, if you don't already, that a transgendered person is someone who has been born in a body of the wrong sex. In other words, your brother-in-law was always a boy, but trapped in a female body.

My advice is to continue assembling the albums, and if anyone asks about the "little girl" in the pictures, to relax and tell the person, "That's Uncle John when he was young. He may have looked like a girl then, but it really was Uncle John." Then turn the page and change the subject.

DEAR ABBY: I am a single mom with three children. I recently found out that I am pregnant once again. My boyfriend -- I'll call him "Garth" -- had told me he'd had a vasectomy five or six years ago.

My problem is, I feel like Garth trapped me into this pregnancy and lied about being "fixed." My brother-in-law has asked him several times to come up with proof that he had a vasectomy, but Garth refuses. He says he "doesn't need to prove it."

Garth says he wants to marry me. However, I have strong reservations when it comes to starting a life as man and wife with someone I can't trust. I can't help but believe he did this on purpose. Is there any way for me to find out if he is telling me the truth? Garth has been wanting to be with me since high school, 20 years ago. -- TRAPPED IN COLORADO

DEAR TRAPPED: Not all vasectomies are successful. If Garth is telling you the truth, he should have no objection to taking you to visit the doctor who performed the vasectomy and letting you see the medical record that proves it. If he refuses, well, then you will have to decide whether to carry the baby to term, to place it for adoption, or whether you want to raise the baby and be tied because of it to Garth for the rest of your life. Notice I used the word "tied" -- and not the word "married." The choice is yours.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: It happened again! Someone put pesticide in a water bottle. A 6-year-old child got ahold of it and drank about 2 ounces. He is now on a ventilator in a pediatric intensive care unit. Having made it that far, he'll probably be OK. Why do people keep doing this?

I can't tell you how many sad stories I've seen that start with using a sports bottle, a soft drink can or a milk bottle for temporary pesticide storage. I would like very much never to see another, but my chances are not good. It is my job to track health impacts from pesticide exposure in the state where I live -- where state law requires doctors to report such events to local health officers.

Please remind your readers to keep pesticides -- and other toxic products -- in their original, carefully labeled containers. Under no circumstances should people use food or drink containers for poisons, even momentarily. Please remind readers, too, not to use more pesticide than the instructions direct. The recommended amounts are effective, and using more just asks for trouble. Thank you, Abby. -- CONCERNED HEALTH WORKER IN THE USA

DEAR CONCERNED: Thank you for the important reminder. The most innocent among us are the most likely victims of irresponsibility in handling toxic substances. A word to the wise!

DEAR ABBY: I have been working as a clerk for about nine months. I love my job and have made good friends here. I enjoy working with people, and my schedule is flexible enough that I can earn my college degree.

My boss, "Tom," is a young, handsome and charming man, and I am attracted to him. We have shared each other's personal stories, and he treats me differently than he does the other female employees. He not only engages in intimate conversations about sex, but he's also touchy and very personal. Recently he told me he had cheated on his girlfriend.

I told another employee, not to pass moral judgment, but to ask what she thought he meant by telling me this. Well, it got back to Tom. He told me he was disappointed in me and he can't trust me. He said I have jeopardized his relationship with his girlfriend. I told a close adult friend. She says he acted inappropriately and he's angry with me because he feels guilty. I'm not sure what to do. I have already apologized, but our relationship is strained.

I haven't been in the working world very long. Is this level of personal sharing inappropriate? Tom says he's my friend, but I have never been to his home, gone to a movie with him or anything like that. I love my job, and I don't know if I should write him a note and apologize formally or let bygones be bygones. Please help me. -- EMPLOYEE ON THE EDGE

DEAR ON THE EDGE: Tom is not your friend; he is your boss. You have done nothing for which to apologize. Tom stepped over the line when he started treating you differently than the other employees, putting his hands on you, and engaging you in conversation of a personal -- and sexual -- nature. Tom may be handsome and charming, but he is also an unprofessional rat. Do not write him a letter of apology. Frankly, he owes you one.

DEAR ABBY: Hola! from Mexico. We have just moved to a new neighborhood where some of our friends live. I would like to invite them for dinner, but I don't know if I should wait for them to do it first. -- LUISA IN VERACRUZ, MEXICO

DEAR LUISA: If you wait to be invited, it could be a long wait. Better to be proactive. Invite your friends over. They may be more likely to reciprocate your hospitality than to entertain you on their own initiative.

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