DEAR ABBY: I'm a 30-year-old man, married a little over three years, and I'm in serious financial trouble. I was laid off from my well-paying job almost two years ago, and I have been struggling to keep my head above water ever since.

I found a job six months later, but had to take a substantial pay cut. In order to make up the difference, I got a part-time job in the evenings, which means I work roughly 15 hours a day. The problem is, my wife gets very upset that I'm not home when the dogs act crazy, the toilet backs up, etc. I try to be sensitive to her needs, but she doesn't even try to understand mine.

When I get home it's usually 9:30, and I am dog tired. If my wife is still awake, she'll dump on me about all the problems she had that night with the house and/or the pets. Then I get blamed because I wasn't home to help.

I have tried to stress that the second job is necessary, and that's when the fireworks begin. She says I need to find a better first job that pays more, but I don't have time to search for one. When I do have free time, I'm catching up on all the stuff I couldn't do during the week.

I have suggested that we tighten our belts (disconnect the cable TV, cancel the Internet, start shopping at discount retail centers), but all she gives me are excuses. She says that since she's home all alone in the evenings, we "need" the cable TV. We also "need" the Internet so she can find materials for her classroom lesson plans (something she hardly does). And she refuses to shop at the discount stores.

I'm at my wit's end and ready to leave the marriage. She can't or won't realize that I'm doing all I can to keep our cars, home, etc. Talking doesn't help. It only leads to more arguments. I seriously need some advice. -- WORN-OUT WORKER IN HOUSTON

DEAR WORN OUT: You and your wife are in two different worlds right now. You are living in a virtual war zone, and she is living in a state of denial. If your marriage is going to survive this rough patch, she needs to do some growing up -- and fast -- before you crack under the stress.

Cable TV and the Internet are luxuries she can forgo in the near term, shopping at discount retail centers is something the majority of the population does right now, and she should dump her frustrations on her girlfriends rather than on you. And if your wife can't make those changes, if only to decrease your stress level for a while, then perhaps it would be better if you took a break from each other until she grows up.

DEAR ABBY: Please help me. My husband refuses to lock the doors at night. I lock them, and he goes and unlocks all of them and threatens he will take off all the locks. I don't sleep at night anymore. -- DONNA IN MENTOR, OHIO

DEAR DONNA: The first question that comes to mind is, is your husband in his right mind? If he isn't losing it, then could he be playing cruel mind games with you?

I am assuming that Mentor, Ohio, has a police department. If I am right, it must be there for a reason. I recommend that you ask the police about the threat level in your community, then enlist their help in making your husband face reality. You deserve to feel safe in your own bed.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I started reading your column when I was 8. (I am now 38.) From time to time you print stories about how couples met, and I would like to share mine.

I have severe asthma, and in January 2001, I was out sick from work for three days. While I was home, I started talking to John over the Internet. At the time, he lived in Massachusetts, and I lived in Washington state.

After an hour or so, he convinced me to seek medical help. I was taken to the hospital and don't remember much after I got there. Three days later, I woke up with a tube down my throat. My doctor told me if I hadn't come in when I did, I would have died, and my children would have been left motherless!

I was released a few days later, and when I returned home, I found e-mails from John leaving me his work number, home number and pager number. I called him and told him he had saved my life from 3,000 miles away.

In June 2001, I flew back East and we drove back to Washington state together. We were married in July 2002 and renewed our wedding vows last Valentine's Day. We have a 3-year-old son, and not a day goes by that I am not thankful for my husband, who was an emergency medical technician. He says he was "just doing his job." He is now an EMT-Intermediate, and I am now taking a basic EMT class myself.

I tell John every day that I fall more and more in love with him. We always talk over our disagreements and never go to bed angry at each other.

Please print this so others may see that the Internet is not a bad place to meet and fall in love. -- ALIVE AND IN LOVE IN WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR ALIVE AND IN LOVE: The day you met John was your lucky day in more ways than one. I'm pleased to print your testimonial -- with one stipulation.

Meeting someone online is no different from meeting someone in any public place. I know several happy couples who met via the Internet, but I also know people who have tried it and struck out. When meeting on the Internet, it's important to take it slow, have your first in-person encounters in public places, and remember that there's always a chance that not everything you read online is the gospel truth.

I'm pleased your story has a happy ending. It should only be that way for everyone.

DEAR ABBY: I took my 4-year-old son to a park to play recently. He immediately ran over to the playground where another boy around 8 or 9 was playing. Suddenly my son ran back to me and said, "Mommy, that boy said he's going to kick my butt!"

A little startled, I got up, intending to say something to the boy, when I noticed that he had Down syndrome. Not only did I not know what to say to my son, I wasn't sure if I should speak to the boy or his mother, who was sitting on a nearby park bench. (She was unaware of what her son had said.)

How should I have handled this? -- MUDDLED MOMMY IN MIAMI

DEAR MUDDLED MOMMY: If your son had said what that boy did to a much smaller child, wouldn't you have wanted to be informed in a nonconfrontational way? You should have handled the situation by approaching the mother and saying, "I thought you should know that your son frightened my little boy by threatening to harm him." If she's an effective parent, it would be her cue to take her son in hand and explain to him that his behavior was inappropriate.

TO MY JEWISH READERS: Yom Kippur begins at sundown -- a time for reflection, prayer and repentance. May your fast be an easy one.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am almost 13. There has been a recent death in the family. My aunt and a very close family friend were both killed in a car crash.

Every time I hear a sad song or a song my aunt or the friend liked, I want to cry, but I can't. In school, when I hear something that reminds me of my aunt, I want to cry, but I don't want to humiliate myself.

My little sister is very new to the whole death situation. She doesn't know how to handle it, so she expresses it in anger. Can you help me? -- MISSING MY AUNT IN NEW YORK

DEAR MISSING YOUR AUNT: Please accept my deepest sympathy for your loss. Death is hard for anyone to cope with, but at the tender ages of you and your sister it can be particularly traumatic.

You could both benefit from grief counseling, because talking about your feelings is an effective and healthy way to deal with loss. Also, if you feel the need to cry, remember that tears are healing. If you are embarrassed to cry in front of schoolmates, excuse yourself and do it in private.

Sometimes people need help in finding their way through the grief process. Your parents, clergyperson or a counselor at school can help you get it. So please don't wait to ask.

DEAR ABBY: I did something I really regret. I was given a beautifully wrapped gift for my wedding. I was told what it was and, because I had already received one as a gift, I decided to give it to someone else who was being married. The problem is, I never opened the beautiful package.

Later I realized there could have been a card inside with my name on it. I have a feeling the recipient of the regifted item found something that let her know it was not meant for them. Should I confront the person and fess up?

It has been 12 years, and she is my husband's relative. Needless to say, I have not been invited to any more family bridal showers, baby showers, etc. I feel so guilty. Please warn people not to make the same mistake. -- CAUGHT REGIFTING IN DELAWARE

DEAR CAUGHT REGIFTING: I'm pleased to oblige. However, I see nothing wrong with regifting, as long as it isn't obvious, and obviously you should have checked the gift and rewrapped it before sending it to the bridal couple.

What I do see as problematic is the fact that you have been excluded from family gatherings for the last 12 years. By all means say something to this relative. Begin by telling her how much you enjoyed the gift you were given, which is why when you discovered you had a duplicate, you passed the gift along to her. Then listen to what she has to say.

DEAR ABBY: What is your opinion of a husband who plans a cruise with you and then invites most of his co-workers -- none of whom are taking their husbands? So, now I'm going on a cruise with 10 women and my husband. What do you think about that? -- DIANE IN BROWNS MILLS, N.J.

DEAR DIANE: A couple of thoughts come to mind. Your husband may be trying to write off the cruise as a business expense -- and when tax season is here, it will be interesting to see how the IRS reacts. It also appears your husband has some issues regarding intimacy because he seems to have gone to great lengths to prevent you from having much quiet time together.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)