DEAR ABBY: I am 15 years old. I have a friend I'll call "Betsy" whose father has hit her or tried to hit her twice. She is depressed and unhappy -- clearly suffering. Aside from this abuse, I know her family is having other issues.

My family knows about the situation but has made it clear to me they don't want to get involved in another family's business. I am so worried about breaking up the family and hurting them further. However, I don't want Betsy to be hurt anymore. How can I help? -- HELPING HAND IN VERMONT

DEAR HELPING HAND: You are a caring friend, and I wish you had been more forthcoming about what "other issues" were going on in Betsy's household. I don't know what kind of pressure her father may be under, but he should not be striking her.

If it continues, rather than calling the police yourself, you should inform a teacher or counselor at your school, or your clergyperson. They are mandated by law to report it when a minor is being placed in danger or harmed, and the police are more likely to give credence to such a report if they hear it from an adult.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter, "Valerie," just signed herself into a detox center for the first time. My problem is, I found out her drug supplier is my sister, "Lois." Lois gets her drugs from a pain clinic and sells them to various people. Apparently she was selling them to Valerie, too.

We all live with my mother. I have told my mother I want Lois out, or I will be leaving. Mom says Lois is her daughter, too, and she won't desert her. Am I wrong? -- DESPERATE IN DELAWARE

DEAR DESPERATE: You are not wrong. Your mother's loyalties are seriously misplaced. As a parent, it is your job to protect your child from harm.

Instead of tolerating your sister's activities and allowing her to continue her drug dealing, your mother should have put a stop to it long ago. Does she not realize that when the police find out -- and they eventually will -- she could suffer serious consequences?

You should definitely move -- not only for your own safety, but also because when your daughter is discharged from rehab, she will have to forgo being in the presence of drugs and dealing. And when you leave, warn your mother that she could be considered an accessory to crime.

DEAR ABBY: I am 25 years old and still a virgin. I work as a stripper. Outside of work I am just a normal girl, studying for my bachelor's degree in nursing.

I am friendly, attractive and outgoing, but no man has ever tried to approach or even talk to me when I'm not dancing naked. Is there something wrong with me? -- "TASSLES" IN FORT LAUDERDALE

DEAR "TASSLES": I am sure there is nothing "wrong" with you. The men who approach you when you're dancing are not interested in the kind of relationship you are looking for. Be patient, use this time to study, and be thankful you aren't being distracted right now. With a degree in nursing you will have a bright future ahead. I'm sure you'll meet a terrific life partner when the time is right.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Two years ago, I was diagnosed with a severe allergy to cold. I cannot touch, eat, breathe or be exposed to cold temperatures without serious risk to my life in the form of anaphylactic shock. Over the course of the last two years, I have learned how to manage this allergy and avoid most triggers, with the exception of the elements during winter months. I applied for and was issued a handicapped permit by the state that allows me to park as close as possible to buildings so I am exposed for the shortest time possible.

With the exception of this severe allergy, I am a young, healthy, 25-year-old female. I have no physical disability. When I park in a handicapped space and get out of my car, I get accusing looks, glares, comments muttered under people's breaths, and one man even shook his head at me -- like, "How dare you?"

I never know how to respond. It makes me feel embarrassed, angry and guilty. I avoid parking in handicapped spaces unless it is absolutely unavoidable due to extreme wind, cold, snow, ice, etc.

Can you advise me how to handle these situations? And please remind people that just because a person doesn't have an obvious physical deformity it doesn't mean he or she isn't eligible for handicapped parking. -- SCAPEGOATED IN SYRACUSE, N.Y.

DEAR SCAPEGOATED: Many people suffer from hidden disabilities that are not obvious to the casual observer. My advice is to ignore the people who give you dirty looks and go on with your business.

If, however, you are challenged about parking in a handicapped zone, inform the person that you have a permit to do so which is on file with the Department of Motor Vehicles -- and if that person wants to check, he or she should write down your license number and question the authorities. You are under no obligation to discuss your disability with a stranger, and I'd advise against it.

DEAR ABBY: I have a problem with my parents. Even though I don't have a boyfriend, they think I'm on with some boy. They are not ready to trust me. They feel I might run away with that boy someday.

It might be a surprise to you that I do not wear any sort of Western clothes because they don't like it. They are not even ready to give me the freedom to choose my career. What should I do so that they will trust me? Please help me. -- SAD GIRL IN KUWAIT

DEAR SAD GIRL: If you are wise, you will earn your parents' trust the easy way -- by volunteering information. Could the reason they don't trust you be that you don't tell them anything, so they assume you have something to hide? Or could it be that what you told them wasn't exactly true?

In building trust, actions speak louder than words. It isn't what you say but what you do that matters. Whom do YOU trust? Those who have shown you by their actions that they can be trusted. So, show your parents that they can trust you, and I am sure they will eventually do so.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm 34 years old and have two wonderful kids ages 12 and 8. I am a single mother, employed part time. I live with my parents and need some advice.

I recently met someone. He is a 35-year-old firefighter who coaches football and has a child of his own. The night we met it was nice. We engaged in physical activity. He said he was interested in me, and I told him likewise.

He called me the next two days -- and that was it! I have called him several times since the last time he called me, and everything seemed fine with him. However, we have not really had a long conversation. He said he wanted to get to know me better, so I don't understand why he doesn't call me anymore.

I e-mailed him that if he wanted me to stop calling, then I would appreciate it if he would just let me know. But he hasn't told me anything. I don't know if he's just really busy with work or what, but I really like this man and enjoyed his company, and wonder if he enjoyed mine too. Please help me understand what the problem is. -- LOST IN GUAM

DEAR LOST: The problem is you engaged in "physical activity" with him too soon. Now the mystery is gone, the excitement of the chase is gone, and he is gone. While it might be nice of him to say goodbye, silence sends a message that speaks volumes. It's saying he is no longer interested.

DEAR ABBY: Over the years I have enjoyed seeing the letters in your column about the kind, helpful things people do -- the good deeds that brighten someone's day. I would like to offer one from my own family.

When my son was 5, he was a very active little boy. I was forever "losing" him in stores. I would usually find him hiding in clothing racks, etc.

One day I couldn't find him. After a frantic search, I finally found him in the women's restroom helping an elderly woman in a wheelchair with the doors. I began to scold him when she said, "Please don't do that. He was the only one who offered to help me." It was then that I realized what a caring little boy he was -- and still is today as a grown man. -- NANCY IN SANTA CLARA, CALIF.

DEAR NANCY: Your little boy was, indeed, kind and empathetic. However, the incident you have described happened many years ago. Today, I am sad to say, parents must impress on their young children the possible danger of wandering away with an adult they don't know.

DEAR ABBY: I have a problem I have never seen in your column. My jealous husband created a fictional online character and contacted me through a Christian support e-group. I began corresponding with this person via e-mail. This was a character designed to match all my preferences.

When he offered to meet in person, I refused, but he continued to increase the intimacy of the messages until I eventually expressed dissatisfaction in my marriage. That is when my husband revealed that HE was my fantasy friend.

Now neither of us is sure we can trust each other -- after 18 years of marriage. Should I forgive and forget? -- BETRAYED IN CLEVELAND

DEAR BETRAYED: Yes, and so should he. From where I sit, this could be a golden opportunity to improve your marriage through marriage counseling. Maybe if your husband tries harder to be the man he knows you want him to be, he will have less to worry about in the future. (And you will have less to be dissatisfied about.)

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

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