DEAR ABBY: I have a serious problem. Several months ago, my 15-year-old granddaughter, "Brittany," brought a girlfriend to my home explaining that "Megan's" mother was on drugs and Megan had no place to live. The mother was living between her car and an occasional motel room.

I felt sorry for the girl and allowed her, with her mother's permission, to stay with us. Megan's mother ultimately abandoned her. Megan wound up in police custody through no action of her own. I was called to retrieve her from the police station.

I was then asked to take the girl into my home, as there is a shortage of foster homes in our area and I had a foster license from years ago. Megan moved in, and I provided her with the essentials -- some clothing, a bedspread of her choosing, a yearbook from school, etc.

Suddenly, Brittany has decided that she "hates" Megan, and she is now begging me to get her out of my home. I agreed to foster this girl, and there is nowhere else for her to go.

Brittany is now avoiding us. She is no longer speaking to Megan and has stated that she'll let us have our "new granddaughter" -- she hates her. She's overly rude to Megan at family functions, excludes her from regular social occasions, and barely speaks to me or her grandfather anymore.

I'm not stupid. I know Brittany is jealous, although I have assured her that no one can ever take her place. She insists that I "get rid of" Megan -- and she doesn't care where she goes. My daughter just says, "Well, what did you expect?" and gives me no backup or support.

I don't want to put Megan into the "system," as she would go to a group home from here. However, I am very torn at obviously hurting my granddaughter. I don't know what to do. Please help me. -- PULLED IN TWO IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR PULLED IN TWO: Stay the course. Brittany may be 15, but she's acting like a 7-year-old. She wanted you to help her friend on HER terms -- but not too much. The rivalry she's exhibiting is uncalled for, and the fact that your daughter is not joining you in giving Brittany an attitude adjustment is puzzling and disappointing.

If your granddaughter wants to sulk, there's nothing you can do about it. Right now, there are more important things to consider than your granddaughter's spoiled behavior -- specifically, the welfare of a young girl who is in trouble through no fault of her own. Please continue to support her rather than allowing yourself to be manipulated by a child who clearly has no idea of what life is really about.

DEAR ABBY: I am a male in my 50s, fit, and wear an ankle-length (either dark or light blue) robe around the house when I'm not ready to get dressed. Neither is ratty, worn or in disrepair.

We live in a quiet, middle-class neighborhood. Abby, I sometimes go out and pick up the newspaper from the front lawn wearing my robe. My wife thinks this is inappropriate. Is it? -- COMFORTABLY LOUNGING IN FORT WORTH

DEAR COMFORTABLY LOUNGING: Not from my perspective. If this is all your wife can find to complain about, she's a lucky woman.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Every year I receive baked goods from a friend who lives across the country. They are petrified by the time they arrive. About the same time, I get food baskets containing highly processed food and waxy chocolate candies (heart attack inducers, I call them) by mail-order from several family members. I have never eaten this kind of food. I throw it all right in the trash.

It bothers me to be wasteful, but I don't want the stuff, and it's not suitable to give to a shelter. I have asked repeatedly that any gifts to me be donations to charities of their choice. It doesn't matter what I say; I keep getting stuff I don't want.

Any ideas how I can get my message across without being perceived as rude or ungrateful? -- PIQUED IN PALM DESERT

DEAR PIQUED: You have already gotten your message across. Your friend and family members have chosen to ignore it. Your name is probably part of a long list that is routinely submitted to these mail-order companies every year -- and removing it may take more effort than these people are willing to exert.

Even though you have never eaten "this kind of food," plenty of others do. Rather than letting it go to waste, offer it to friends, neighbors and co-workers. Don't just throw it away.

DEAR ABBY: I would like your advice on how to develop a "thick skin." I volunteer at a retail store for a local nonprofit organization. A nasty customer recently came in and yelled at me and insulted me in front of other customers. I was so upset I left the store in tears. The incident happened several days ago, and I am still upset.

I know this person does not know me, and with luck I'll never see him again, yet I can't seem to let it go. This isn't the first time I have felt this way, as I tend to take things very personally.

I am always impressed by people who can shrug off rude or confrontational remarks. Is it possible to learn to be less sensitive? --- TOO WIMPY IN TEXAS

DEAR "TOO WIMPY": Yes, it is. The first step is to stop calling yourself names. The second is to accept that sometimes unpleasant incidents occur because (1) the other person is having a bad day, or (2) the other person has no class and feels entitled to dump on anyone he or she feels is in a subservient position.

This has nothing to do with you, your efficiency, or your value as a human being. It is only about "them" and their inadequacy. Once you understand that, you'll be less vulnerable.

DEAR ABBY: I lost my wife a little over two years ago and have met a beautiful lady who lost her husband around the same time. We've been dating a lot lately, and we don't see anyone else. We love each other.

How should I introduce her to people? Should I say, "This is my girlfriend"? or should I say, "This is my ladyfriend"? I am in my 60s. -- JOE IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR JOE: I have a third alternative. Say, "This is my special friend." People will quickly catch on to the fact that you are sweet on each other. People who are in love usually radiate that fact.

DEAR READERS: I have joined some of Hollywood's biggest names in the fight against breast cancer by signing and decorating one of Munchkin's limited-edition pink ducks to be auctioned on eBay.

"Don't Duck a Breast Exam" is the theme of this year's Project Pink Breast Cancer Awareness Campaign. One hundred percent of the net proceeds will be donated to Susan G. Komen for the Cure for each pink duck sold through Nov. 30.

If you want to see and bid on "D'Abby Duck," my personally decorated rubber duckie, visit � HYPERLINK "http://www.munchkin.com/projectpink" ��www.munchkin.com/projectpink� through Nov. 5 and take a "quack" at it! Together we can make a difference. -- LOVE, ABBY

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I would like to comment on the letter from "Polite Visitor in Missouri" (Aug. 25), the minister who asked about the etiquette involved in pastoral visiting. I have been a Lutheran pastor for 33 years. This topic should have been covered while the writer was in seminary, but perhaps "Polite" missed class that day.

A coffee hour/social hour is an impossible time to get to know people. "Polite" needs to understand that these visits are not social calls; they are part of his or her job, just like being a doctor, financial adviser, etc.

Allow me to offer a suggestion for "Polite": Invite members of the congregation to sign up if they're open to a visit. The visit does not have to be at their home. Meeting people for lunch at their workplace puts a time limit on it and allows the pastor to become aware of other aspects of their lives. -- JOHN BACKE, DENVER

DEAR JOHN: Thank you for the suggestion. My readers did not hesitate to offer chapter and verse on this subject, as you will see. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Although I don't completely disagree with the response you gave to the minister in Missouri, I want to tell you there are some nuances around being a pastor that factor into this decision.

Being a pastor is different from being a co-worker, friend or boss. When we arrive as a pastor of a church, we are almost immediately thought of as part of the family. We are called in times of crisis and celebration, and we come into people's homes when others aren't invited.

I recognize that not everyone will be comfortable inviting me into their home, but for those who would like to get to know me better (and allow me to get to know them), I prefer to visit with them one-on-one. That way, the first time I am called is not when they are in crisis, and there is a more relaxed atmosphere. For anyone else, I make myself available at my home or the church. -- GREGG SEALY, HOQUIAM, WASH.

DEAR ABBY: Our rabbi has started a sort of random "lucky winner" approach to meeting members of our temple. After the sermon, he will issue an invitation to "anyone born in the month of July" or "anyone wearing green today" -- or any number of other ways of selecting people at random. These people, who are bound to be different each week, are invited to join him following the service for a short meet, greet and chat. In this way, he can interact with small groups, and everyone gets to know each other. -- RIVKA L., ATLANTA

DEAR ABBY: My husband has been a pastor for several years. Moving to a new congregation is always difficult and getting acquainted can be daunting. His solution is to get a pictorial church directory, if one is available, and study the names and faces so he can match them correctly when he meets church members.

This has worked well in both small and large churches. Parishioners appreciate being recognized by name -- and sometimes invite both of us to dinner. -- K.A. REENTS, BLOOMINGTON, ILL.

DEAR ABBY: In the church where I belong, there are cards in the pews for people to fill out. The minister can then call on those who wish to meet, and nobody feels put upon. -- IDAHO ABBY FAN

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)