DEAR ABBY: My fiancee, "Cassie," and I are being married in the spring, and as you can imagine, the planning is hectic. My question is, how can I honor the memory of Cassie's mother? She passed away from cancer seven years ago. I never got to meet her, but it is obvious that she is deeply missed and that she played an enormous role in Cassie's life.

Is there an acceptable way to honor her during the ceremony and reception that wouldn't be in poor taste? Thanks in advance for your insight. -- GROOM-TO-BE, LEXINGTON, KY.

DEAR GROOM-TO-BE: What a thoughtful man you are. This is a question that should be discussed in advance with the clergyperson who will officiate at the ceremony.

One way might be to light a candle in Cassie's mother's memory and keep it lighted during the ceremony and reception. Perhaps a special blessing could be said and the significance of the candle pointed out when it is lighted "in honor of those beloved family members who are with us in spirit today, and always in our hearts."

DEAR ABBY: I haven't had a boyfriend for a while now, and I'm not sure why. Everyone says I'm cool, funny and outgoing. I play video games, sports, and do things that boys think girls would never do (like paintballing in the woods or bungee jumping over and over again).

All my guy friends think I'm awesome, and I do get compliments on my looks as well. I'm not a tomboy, I wear nice clothes and some makeup, but for some reason, whenever I get a crush on a guy, he says it would be "weird" because I'm a "really good friend."

What am I doing wrong? I love who I am and so do boys. So why don't they think I could be "girlfriend material"? -- BOYFRIENDLESS IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR BOYFRIENDLESS: It may be that "guys" see you as one of them. And because of it, they don't consider you in a romantic way. Therefore, it's time to emphasize your feminine side and present yourself in a different light. This may mean temporarily downplaying your involvement in boys' sports and paintball games, and amping up your "girlishness." Give it a try and see what happens.

DEAR ABBY: I am a very fair-skinned, natural blonde. The only way I can get a suntan is by getting burned first. I am attractive, and I have accepted the fact that in order to be healthy I must remain pale. However, people often make comments about my skin tone, and it's starting to hurt my feelings. Several people have called me "albino."

I know I should ignore them, but it's making me self-conscious. Tanning salons seem unhealthy, and self-tanners look unnatural. What can I say to these people that makes it clear they're out of line? -- FAIREST OF THEM ALL IN D.C.

DEAR FAIREST: Tanning salons ARE unhealthy, and you're wise to avoid them. You are also wise to forgo sunbathing because it is the foremost cause of premature aging of the skin -- not to mention the danger of skin cancer.

When someone remarks about your complexion, you are within your rights to tell that person you don't appreciate that kind of personal comment and to knock it off. And if the person persists, you are also within your rights to avoid him or her -- and that's what I advise you to do.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a retired pediatric dentist who frequently treated children other dentists couldn't manage or preferred not to.

One rule in my office was that no child would ever leave without being complimented, regardless of how he or she had behaved during the appointment -- even if it meant saying, "You're the best spitter we've had all day!" Of course, we were absolutely sincere in our compliments.

One day a woman called to make an emergency appointment for her 5-year-old grandson, Pete. I learned that the little boy's 17-year-old mother had run away when he was an infant. His father (the grandparents' son) was in prison serving a 30-year-to-life sentence. That left this elderly couple to raise the child. My staff told her to bring him in immediately.

When they arrived, Pete was understandably nervous and fussy when my assistant brought him back into the operatory, but he soon quieted down. I gave him a hug and began treatment to relieve his infection and pain. When I finished, I complimented him and asked that his grandmother come in so I could explain what I had done. As we chatted, Pete was happily picking out a little toy from the drawer. We scheduled a follow-up appointment for one week later.

The following week, 20 minutes before his appointment, the door burst open and little Pete came running in looking for an operatory chair to sit in. I escorted him back to reception and told him we'd call him in a few minutes.

The second appointment went equally well. He was smiling and happy. I spoke with his grandmother again as he once more chose a little gift.

Then she said: "I still can't believe it. Every morning this week Pete jumped out of bed and asked if this was the day he'd come back to see you! I'd have to tell him 'No, not for another five days, then four days, three, etc.' This morning he was so excited when I told him this was the day he was coming in." Then she continued, "Do you know why he was so eager to come back?"

"No," I replied, "please tell me."

"Because," she answered, "you told him he was a good boy."

Abby, here was a 5-year-old child who had never been told he was a good boy! I still tear up when I think about it. -- (DR.) R.C. SMITHWICK, LOS ALTOS HILLS, CALIF.

DEAR DR. SMITHWICK: Thank you for sharing the reminder about how important it is for children to receive positive reinforcement. (Adults need it, too.) If you think something nice about someone, it takes so little effort to open your mouth and SAY it. I guarantee it'll make that person's day -- whether the person is 5 or 55.

DEAR ABBY: I have a quick question about bike etiquette. Who has the right-of-way on a sidewalk/bikepath when walking? I'm tired of bike riders flying up behind me, dinging a bell and expecting me to jump out of their way. I would think the slower-moving entity has the right-of-way and cyclists must either wait until they can pass or get off and walk. -- ON FOOT IN ORLANDO

DEAR ON FOOT: I don't know what the official rules of the road for bicyclists are in your community. However, in most places I have been, pedestrians are not supposed to walk in bike lanes -- and cyclists should not ride on sidewalks. That said, the minute I heard a biker ring his bell, my sense of survival would warn me to move to the right so the person could pass. Failure to yield could cause great bodily harm.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My mother died when I was 27. It was a very difficult time in my life -- everything seemed to fall apart. I lost my job, and then my utilities were turned off. I had to take cold showers for six months.

A neighbor who knew about my situation came to my house and made me an offer. If I would take care of her children, she would make sure I had food to eat. I was surprised that someone would trust me -- a young man -- with her children.

I took her up on the offer, and before long I began taking care of other people's children, too.

I have since moved 300 miles from Boise, Idaho. For more than 23 years I have made every effort to reach out to all the kind-hearted people who helped me when I was down and out. I hope they will read this:

My mother taught me that it is better to give than to receive. Without your great assistance, I don't know what I would have done. I am very involved in my community and volunteer at the local food bank, and I help out whenever I can. I would like to thank all of you for allowing me to care for your children and for letting me be a part of your families. God bless you. You not only saved me, but also taught me by your example. -- DAVE H., GRANGEVILLE, IDAHO

DEAR DAVE H.: I can't think of a letter that would be more suitable to print on this day of Thanksgiving than the one you have written. It spotlights how important it is to be sensitive to the needs of others, and how life-changing a single gesture of kindness can be.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I recently had an argument during which he accused me of folding a bath towel incorrectly. One of us says that you should fold it in half and then in thirds. The other insists that it should be folded in half, then in half, then in half again.

How exactly should a bath towel be folded, and are there different methods to folding different-sized towels? -- CAMILLE IN TEXAS

DEAR CAMILLE: Yes, there are different techniques -- depending how and where the towels will be hung or stored -- and they are usually based on how one's mother folded her towels. Because your boyfriend has an issue about how you fold yours, HE should be the one folding the towels. Problem solved!

And now, Dear Readers, I will continue the tradition of repeating the Thanksgiving prayer that was penned years ago by my dear mother, Pauline Phillips. My Thanksgiving would not be complete without it:

Oh, Heavenly Father,

We thank thee for food and remember the hungry.

We thank thee for health and remember the sick.

We thank thee for friends and remember the friendless.

We thank thee for freedom and remember the enslaved.

May these remembrances stir us to service,

That thy gifts to us may be used for others. Amen.

Have a safe and happy Thankgiving, everyone!

Love, ABBY

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)