DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married five years. My husband's stepdad died two years ago. After the funeral we offered to have his mother come live with us until she got back on her feet.

Well, it has been two years, and she's still here. She doesn't help out with the expenses, although she is able to, and has made no plans to move. We have raised the subject, but she says that she's in the midst of writing a book and wants to see if it will sell before she decides what to do. She's constantly in the house and goes nowhere on her own. My husband and I are her only form of entertainment.

On top of that, we're expecting our first child. I wanted my husband and I and our baby to bond as a family before anyone else was in the picture, but that's not going to happen now. Am I selfish to want to be alone with my husband and baby?

How can we make her see that she has overstayed her welcome? Fear of being alone is what's stopping her from leaving. But she can't expect to live here indefinitely. This has put a strain on our marriage. My husband agrees with me, but we see no way out of this situation. We want his mom to be OK, so we don't have the heart to kick her out. But isn't it time for her to stand on her own?

Our marriage is being destroyed because of this, and we're desperate for guidance. -- HOPELESS DOWN SOUTH

DEAR HOPELESS: If you and your husband want your lives back, the two of you are going to have to stage an "intervention" with his mother. Script it ahead of time if necessary. Although the conversation may not be pleasant, nothing will change unless you have it.

Your mother-in-law may need psychological and spiritual guidance to work her way through the period of mourning that she has postponed by moving in with you. If she's ever to have a life of her own, she must move out and cultivate relationships instead of relying so heavily on you.

Begin by investigating retirement communities in your area, and set a firm deadline for her to move. You have been more than generous, so please do not feel guilty about it.

DEAR ABBY: I am 18 and a high school graduate. I decided to attend an online university and have come to realize that this was a huge mistake. Now I am under extreme pressure from my family to correct the mistake by either getting into a different school or getting a job.

The problem is, I do not wish to attend a university in the U.S.A. I would like to study abroad. Whenever I mention this to my family, they laugh in my face.

My family crushed every dream I've had for as long as I can remember, and I'm asking for advice on how to avoid it this time and find the strength within myself to go against what they want. -- BROKEN DREAMER, SPRINGFIELD, TENN.

DEAR BROKEN DREAMER: Your next step should be to visit your nearest public library and ask the librarian to help you research scholastic scholarships at universities that offer study programs abroad. Perhaps when your family sees how serious you are about it, they will then take you more seriously. Assuming that you have the grades to qualify, you may not need your family's financial help to pursue your dream.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Our youngest son, "Devin," is 15. He has been seeing a girl I'll call "Allison" for five months. Allison's parents allow them to hang out at their house with parental supervision. Devin has come home twice with hickeys, and once with permanent marker on his chest and abdomen saying "Allison's boob" and "Allison's property."

I have spoken to Allison's father more than once about their extreme intimacy at this age. (She's 14.) He assures me that they are supervised.

I feel my son is too young for this relationship, but I am unsure that forcing it to end would be the best option. We invite Allison over as often as our work schedules allow. They are allowed to listen to music in his room, but the door is always open, and we're "hovering" most of the time. We also engage in family games with her and our son.

How can we get this relationship out of the bedroom and into the light? -- FURIOUS IN VENTURA, CALIF.

DEAR FURIOUS: You have described two healthy, normal young people with too much time on their hands and one set of parents with their heads in the sand.

The time has come to involve your son in after-school sports, an extracurricular class or a part-time job. Any of these will allow Devin less time in Allison's bedroom.

If that's not feasible, then I urge you to ensure that your son is fully informed about birth control and sexually transmitted diseases and has access to condoms. The same goes for Allison. Better to be safe than sorry.

DEAR ABBY: A few years ago, I was pregnant with my son. When I was eight months along, my cousin gave me a baby walker that I had listed on my registry. She then left on a trip out of the country.

A week later, my baby boy was stillborn. I was devastated. When my cousin returned from her trip, she actually asked me to return her gift. She said that since the baby was dead, she didn't think I "needed it" anymore.

Perhaps that was true, but I was outraged at her actions. Do I have any right to be so mad? -- MOURNING IN OHIO

DEAR MOURNING: Your cousin's request was outrageously insensitive, and her timing was awful. Under the circumstances, your reaction was natural and justified. Please accept my deepest sympathy for your loss.

DEAR ABBY: Although I have lived in Denver for a number of years, I still have a very thick, very Southern accent. I am often asked, "Where did you come from?" My answer is usually, "From my mother!"

Am I overly sensitive, or are people being rude? If you have a more appropriate answer, please share it with me. -- DRAWLING IN DENVER

DEAR DRAWLING: When people hear an accent -- regional or foreign -- they are inclined to be curious. Although it is technically rude to ask a stranger a personal question about his or her background, I don't think it's meant to be insulting. Because you don't care to elaborate on your background, your answer is fine.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been seeing "Dawn" for a year and a half. Early in our relationship she cheated on me. I love Dawn more than I have loved anyone before, but I can't bring myself to completely trust her.

She wants to move in with me now. My heart and my brain are telling me two different things. What do I do? -- AMBIVALENT IN YAPHANK, N.Y.

DEAR AMBIVALENT: Listen to the organ that thinks.

DEAR ABBY: I work at a university, in an office that caters to student needs. Therefore, there is constant traffic consisting of students, faculty and staff.

I share space with a 22-year-old administrative assistant, and our office is flooded with music throughout the day. I realize that some people "need" noise, but I am not one of them. It's challenging to meet and advise students in this semi-private environment while music is blaring, and even daily tasks and phone calls are an issue. On occasion, the selections are inappropriate for the office.

She is a nice girl, but how do I approach her and/or my supervisor without sounding like a tattletale or a complainer? -- HAD IT WITH THE SOUND TRACK

DEAR HAD IT: If you haven't already done so, talk with the young woman and explain that while some people love music while they work, others are distracted by it and find it difficult to function, and you fall into that category. If she's unwilling to cooperate after that, then perhaps your supervisor can help her see the light.

DEAR ABBY: My 6-year-old nephew, "Andy," is destructive. He lies constantly and frequently steals small items.

I offered to assist my sister, "Mary," by baby-sitting Andy when she began working again after her divorce became final. Day-care is extremely expensive, and I doubted she could afford it. This was over a year ago, and the problems started right away.

After the most recent occurrence, I finally went ballistic even though the items Andy stole cost only 33 cents. I have had it! When Andy is confronted, he always says someone else did it (I have children of my own), that someone gave it to him (which has never been the case), "it was an accident" or "it was already like that" (half the time either my husband or I had seen him break the item). Andy has never admitted what he has done or said he was sorry.

I finally informed Mary that I'm no longer available to watch her son due to his outrageous behavior, and I never want him in my house again. I haven't spoken to my sister in months. I see no future for Andy except prison. Is there a program for someone like him to prevent that in the future? -- AT A LOSS IN MISSOURI

DEAR AT A LOSS: Your nephew is a very angry little boy. Not only has Andy lost his father, but his mother has gone from being a full-time mommy into the workforce while he was left in a household where he is no longer the center of attention. In addition, he may also have some emotional problems or learning disabilities.

Giving your sister the silent treatment isn't the answer. Her son should be evaluated by a mental health professional, and the place to start is by asking the boy's pediatrician for a referral. Please urge her to do it ASAP.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)