DEAR ABBY: My husband is 56. His daughter, "Loreen," from his first marriage is 35. At times when he gives her a hug (as she's leaving from a visit) he will slap her on the butt. This makes me uncomfortable because it seems inappropriate at her age. I have told him how this makes me feel; he says it's something he has always done with both of his children. (He also has a son.)

I guess I could see it as a playful gesture when they were kids, but at this point I don't think so. It reminds me of the kind of intimacy demonstrated between a husband and wife, not a father and daughter. Am I being too uptight? -- UNCOMFORTABLE IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: You have confused someone getting a "love pat" with someone being hit ON. Yes, I think in this case you are being too uptight, unless there is something else you have observed that you haven't told me.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 16 and have a 13-year-old sister I'll call "Becky," who is mentally retarded. My mother recently tried to force me to promise that I'll always take care of Becky when she and Dad die or can no longer take care of her.

I think it's unfair to saddle me with a lifetime obligation like this. I have had to make many sacrifices because of Becky. I have to share a room with her and sleep with her in a double bed because she's afraid to sleep alone -- even though we have a spare bedroom. I have never had a sleepover because Becky gets too upset with someone else sleeping in our room. I could go on and on.

I think I should be free of Becky as an adult. There are other alternatives for challenged individuals. Mother says it's my obligation because she's family. I don't believe it should be my lifetime obligation just because we're born to the same parents. What do you think? -- NO THANKS! SACRAMENTO, CALIF.

DEAR NO THANKS!: You appear to be very angry, and with some justification. You have already had too much responsibility thrust upon you. Your sister should have been taught to sleep by herself years ago, because eventually that's what she will have to do.

Your family obligation to your sister isn't necessarily the kind your mother is trying to coerce you into. If and when your parents become too incapacitated to care for Becky, a group living situation might be healthier for all concerned. Your sister may not have a life of her own until she makes that transition. Consider how lonely it must be for her to have no socialization beyond your parents.

While you do not have to keep your sister with you, you do have a moral obligation to see that she's well cared for. In that sense, your mother is right. But you certainly have a right to pursue your own life, career and family without anyone laying a guilt trip on you. And you do not have to sacrifice your happiness, or sleep with your sister, for the rest of your life and/or hers.

DEAR READERS: Today marks the lunar New Year. It's the Year of the Rat. Those born in the Year of the Rat are imaginative, charming and generous to those they love. Gung Hay Fat Choy!

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR READERS: Today's column is a continuation of yesterday's, with more of your thought-provoking answers to my question, "What do you think is society's greatest problem?" Read on:

DEAR ABBY: You won't print this, but in my opinion organized religion has a lot to do with why the world is so badly messed up.

Although most religions espouse values of kindness, generosity and good works, in practical application, it seems that religion is used more often to divide "them" from "us," and to give people yet another way to discriminate against one another. It isn't limited to wars between different religions; one need only look back a few years to see different sects of Christians killing and terrorizing each other in Northern Ireland. And look at the state of religious warfare today. Muslims are murdering and terrorizing other Muslims in Iraq just for belonging to a different sect of Islam.

If people were more concerned with doing the right things in THIS world, rather than preoccupying themselves with what is going to happen in the NEXT one, our world would be a better place. -- KIM IN COLUMBUS, OHIO

DEAR KIM: Your letter has merit, and that's why I printed it.

DEAR ABBY: I have been in this world a little more than 14 years, and to me, the main problem in our world today is lack of forgiveness. We hold onto our anger and hate, thinking it makes us who we are, but really it destroys us.

Abby, I am not naive. I know not all people are good, but I believe people's actions depend on their circumstances and past, and we cannot judge them solely on what they do. If we could forgive people's bad decisions and move on, the world would be a better place. -- KATIE IN JAMESVILLE, N.Y.

DEAR ABBY: It's the "me first" mind-set that is illustrated by the guy who cuts you off in traffic, the young woman who rushes past the elderly woman with a cane entering a public restroom to grab the larger handicap stall when all the others are empty, the young mother who continues shopping with a screaming toddler having a tantrum -- oblivious and not even trying to control it.

It's the co-worker who rises to the top by telling lies or taking credit for the work of others, or the person who cheats you in a business deal.

The bottom line? We have made evil politically correct and faith unmentionable. -- MARTHA IN CRESCENT CITY, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: I think the problem is ignorance -- ignorance of the fact that we are faced with choices every day and can act on them for better or worse. We are ignorant of our own empowerment when it comes to the environment, how we treat others, our society's history that at times leads us down the same path toward war and the destruction of others. It's ignorance of the plight of our neighbors, our community, our country and around the world. There is woeful ignorance of our government, that it services the people, that its prime mission is the safety and well-being of the people, and our own civil rights.

Merlin of King Arthur's round table said, "The curse of man is that he forgets." If only we won't forget that we are loving beings, capable of great love beyond measure, if only we would not ignore so much, but remember just a little. -- MAURICE IN ALBUQUERQUE, N.M.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR READERS: In late October, I printed a letter from "Tab in Swansea, Ill.," who asked what I perceive to be the main problem in society today. I responded that, as my column reflects, there is more than one. Then I asked what you, my readers, think is society's greatest problem -- and the roof fell in! Your response was enormous, and I wish I could share all of it, but space does not permit. Today and tomorrow I'll print a sample:

DEAR ABBY: The main problem in our society today is lack of personal responsibility -- from the deadbeat dad to the CEOs of major companies manipulating financial statements for personal benefit. Our society will prosper only if we all take responsibility for our actions. -- MARK IN WEST ALLIS, WIS.

DEAR ABBY: It's greed! The unwillingness to consider how our behavior affects others. We have become so obsessed with material things and a "what's in it for me" mentality that we have forgotten to live by the Golden Rule. -- JUDY IN WICHITA, KAN.

DEAR ABBY: Society's greatest problem is intolerance. It breeds all the other problems. We're intolerant of other people's views, religions, looks, sexual orientation, languages, mode of dress, career choice, whether to parent -- or not. We're in the business of NOT minding our own business. -- MARILYN IN THE GARDEN STATE

DEAR ABBY: It's apathy ... but, who cares? -- MALCOLM IN MIAMI

DEAR ABBY: It's the breakdown of the nuclear family and lack of good parenting. I didn't even know divorce existed when I was growing up. I now work in a high school and see dozens of kids in trouble each day because they don't have proper role models at home. We see girls pregnant beginning at age 14, and the parents just shrug it off. Rude, violent kids were the exception when I was young. Kids today are not loved and watched over. If parents were like they used to be, this would be a safer, saner place. -- MARY IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR ABBY: Technology has outstripped our growth as human beings. People's basic nature hasn't changed much in the last few thousand years -- what we want, need, fear and hate are pretty much the same as they have always been. But in the last 100 years or so, we have gained global abilities. We've created the technology to destroy our planet but have not developed the corresponding maturity -- either as individuals or societies -- to handle the abilities we've developed. -- NAOMI IN BERGENFIELD, N.J.

DEAR ABBY: It's the personal isolation of people today. Business people will not answer their telephones and speak directly with customers. Individuals won't answer their phones at home, but do respond to e-mail and text messages. A generation has been schooled to keep a cell phone glued to their ears at all times instead of communicating face-to-face.

If Darwin was right, future generations will no longer require a tongue because we will no longer converse. Instead, we'll grow extra fingers with which to type and text. -- RON C., SOULSBYVILLE, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: The answer to your question is fairly simple. There's no respect, no discipline, no courtesy and no consideration for others. Is my opinion politically correct? No. Am I right on the money? Yes! Thank you, Dr. Spock. (PC is not my strong suit.) -- GARY IN ROCKWALL, TEXAS

DEAR READERS: Hang on ... there's more tomorrow.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)