DEAR ABBY: I have a close friend, "Ethel," about whom I'm very worried. She sees a therapist, "Amy," once a week for depression and suicidal thoughts, and while I think it's a wonderful idea, I'm concerned because she has become "friends" with her therapist.

This has gone as far as gift-giving, attending the therapist's wedding, etc. I always thought it was a breach of professional boundaries for a therapist to become friends with his or her patient.

I am the one who gets the 4 a.m. phone calls when Ethel is feeling like the world is ending for her. She says my son and I are the only reason she doesn't do something to herself. When I ask Ethel why she doesn't discuss this with Amy, or call her at 4 a.m., Ethel says she doesn't want to burden her with her problems. She also refers to her appointments as "visiting" with Amy and says that they have lovely talks about Amy's family, etc.

I'm a single mother with a full-time job, taking classes at the university for my MBA. I try to make as much time as I can for Ethel, but I'm worn out and worried about those 4 a.m. phone calls. After seeing this therapist for five years, wouldn't you think Ethel would at least be a little bit better? If anything, I think she's worse.

I have suggested that Ethel find another therapist, but all she says is that Amy is her friend. What else can I do? -- SARA IN SALEM, ORE.

DEAR SARA: It's apparent that Amy is no longer acting in the role of therapist. And because she has become a friend, Ethel doesn't want to impose upon her with her problems.

The next time Ethel calls you at 4 a.m., tell her that she is calling the wrong person. The things she is telling you are the very things that her therapist needs to know about in order to help her. If Ethel refuses, then tell her that what she needs is a therapist with a fresh approach. If Amy is truly her friend, Amy will understand that and give her a referral while maintaining their personal relationship.

DEAR ABBY: My 4-year-old grandson, "Teddy," is the apple of my eye.

I recently learned that my son-in-law has been taking Teddy hunting for deer and sees no harm in it. At his age, my grandson should be at a petting zoo admiring God's creatures instead of viewing the killing of them.

I have a policy of not interfering with my children in their marriages or how they raise their children. However, if needed, I am always available for advice if asked. Although I have shared my opinion that Teddy is too young, it has fallen on deaf ears.

At age 4, my grandson is too immature to understand the killing. I don't believe that this exposure is good for his psychological development at his tender age. How do I approach my son-in-law about this, and at what age do you think it is appropriate to allow the boy to go hunting? -- CONCERNED GRANDPA IN GREENVILLE, S.C.

DEAR GRANDPA: It would be interesting to know how your daughter feels about her son going hunting with his dad. While I am not a fan of killing for sport, many people are avid hunters who consume the birds and animals they shoot.

While going on those expeditions at age 4 seems quite young, if your grandson isn't traumatized by the sight of the blood-and-gutting and enjoys the "bonding sessions" with his dad, and his mother has no objection, then I guess he'd old enough to go along -- providing he doesn't get in the way and endanger himself.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 14-year-old girl and an only child. My parents, "Ellie" and "Miles," are divorced. My dad, a recovering alcoholic, relapsed last year.

Abby, I am desperate. When Miles drinks even the slightest amount, he smashes plates and mirrors, pounds his fists into doors and grabs me roughly. I'm deeply afraid that when he is very intoxicated he may one day seriously injure me. Miles is also severely depressed, so I'm constantly on "suicide watch."

Even though I attend a local Alateen chapter and am in therapy, my schoolwork is suffering, my relationships are floundering, and I'm depressed, isolated and overwhelmed. Part of me doesn't want to see my father anymore, but the other part feels extremely guilty and like I should just deal with everything on my own. Which part is right? -- CONFLICTED IN WISCONSIN

DEAR CONFLICTED: The part that's telling you to avoid your father until you're sure he's back on the wagon and no longer intimidating or violent. That little voice you're hearing is your instinct for survival.

Also, you should not be on "suicide watch." At 14, you do not have the tools to save your father from his self-destructive impulses. Under no circumstances should you be alone with him until he's dry again.

After the treatment you have experienced and the stress to which you have been subjected, it is not unusual to feel depressed, isolated and overwhelmed. That's why it is so important that you continue talking frankly with your therapist and Alateen group, where other members have had similar experiences and can relate.

Readers, for those of you who are unfamiliar with Al-Anon/Alateen, which have been mentioned before in my column, this organization offers an informative booklet online that can be downloaded, and also in softcover, free of charge. The title is "Al-Anon Faces Alcoholism 2008." To view it online (in English, Spanish or French), log on to www.Al-AnonFamilyGroups.net. To order a printed copy, e-mail wso@al-anon.org or write: Al-Anon Family Groups Inc., Attn: AFA 2008, 1600 Corporate Landing Parkway, Virginia Beach, VA 23454-5617.

DEAR ABBY: It has happened again! Every year I make my list of New Year's resolutions, and within two weeks I have broken my vow. My downfall is bingeing on sweets, so this year I resolved to swear off chocolate.

Last night I was feeling tired and depressed, and I "found" a large chocolate bar with almonds I had stashed at the back of one of the kitchen cupboards and ate the whole thing. I'm disgusted with myself.

Every year you print your list of New Year's resolutions. But now many people actually stick to them, and if so, now do they do it? Have you any tips? -- CHOCOHOLIC IN NORFOLK, VA.

DEAR CHOCOHOLIC: Please stop beating up on yourself. You're not the only person who has broken a New Year's resolution. The majority of people do it sooner or later.

I do have some suggestions for establishing healthier habit patterns, and I'm pleased to share them with you:

(1) Decide what you want to achieve, but be realistic in setting your goals.

(2) Get support from friends and family.

(3) If you're trying to eliminate a bad habit, then make a plan and substitute a good habit in its place.

(4) Understand that we can learn more from our mistakes than our successes. If you slip up, don't give up. Forgive yourself and then rededicate yourself.

(5) When you do well, don't take it for granted. Look in a mirror and praise yourself out loud. Affirmations provide strong reinforcement.

And last, but not least, remember that you're not a bad person for backsliding on a New Year's resolution. If people were perfect, there would be no need for a Dear Abby.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced for 4 1/2 years, after a 24-year marriage. For the last 3 1/2 years, I have been seeing a woman I'll call "Marilyn." My problem is I have proposed to Marilyn on two occasions, and she has said no both times -- yet she continues our relationship. I am 49 and she is 45.

Marilyn has never been married and never left home. She lives with her mother and 15-year-old daughter. We all get along great. I guess my question is, do I continue with the way things are, or should I try to meet someone else, take a chance and start all over again? -- WANTS A WIFE IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR WANTS A WIFE: You're asking the wrong person the wrong question. You should be asking yourself why you're continuing to pursue a woman who has rejected you twice. If you're happy as things are, I won't dissuade you. However, if it's a wife you're after, you should move on. As my grandfather used to say, if you're looking for trout, you won't find it fishing in a herring barrel.

DEAR ABBY: I love my fiance. We're supposed to be married soon. I can envision myself with him in the future, but I have never really been out on my own to experience life.

I think I may be bisexual. I have been attracted to a woman at work for about a month now, and I can't get her off my mind. I do want to be with my fiance -- just not right now. But if I tell him I want a break to explore who I am, I'm afraid I'll lose him forever. Please help. -- LONGING FOR SPACE

DEAR LONGING: You may love your fiance, but you are not ready to make a lifetime commitment to one person right now -- male or female. To do otherwise would be unfair to both of you.

The time has come to level with your fiance. It may -- or may not -- spell the end of the relationship, but it could also be the beginning of something more important: getting to know yourself.

Under no circumstances should you take a vow "to forsake all others" until you're absolutely sure you're able to follow through.

DEAR ABBY: I am 45 years old and in great shape. I have always taken care of myself by watching what I eat and exercising on a daily basis. I take pride in my physical and mental health, and take steps every day to achieve my goals.

People often tell me I don't need to worry about my weight, etc. Actually, I look the way I do because I DO worry about my weight!

So why do these comments bother me? And why do people make these comments? -- FULLY ALIVE AT 45

DEAR FULLY ALIVE: The remarks bother you because they negate the fact that you work hard to be the person you are. And people make them because they fail to appreciate that being mentally and physically in tip-top condition takes discipline and is an ongoing process.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)