DEAR ABBY: Valentine's Day is once again upon us. As a single woman, I have recognized that even on this day one can feel completely left out of things. So, last year I started a new tradition with my single women friends.

On Valentine's Day we meet for dinner. We call it "Singles Appreciation Day." Last year we had a great time together, and this year should be even more fun.

Singlehood is not something to cry about. It's something to celebrate and enjoy, just as we would the state of marriage when we find the right person. People need to learn to appreciate the value of each phase of life as we enter it. For now, I am happily appreciating the stage of being single. -- SANDY IN NORTH HIGHLANDS, CALIF.

DEAR SANDY: I'm sure I'm not the only person who admires your positive and intelligent attitude about the journey we all make through life. Today, more and more people are choosing to remain single into their late 20s and 30s -- and Valentine's Day seems to have become less a holiday and more of a marketing campaign that makes the unattached feel adrift, alone and often depressed.

A wise person told me years ago that we are as happy as we make up our minds to be -- and I hope more singles will learn from your example.

DEAR ABBY: Last year on Valentine's Day I had many errands to run, so I started at my favorite coffee shop at 7 a.m.

At a table in front of me was an elderly couple who were already eating. I enjoy people-watching, and it was easy to observe them. The man was having trouble opening his little package of jelly. I almost went over to help him. Why didn't I? Because he was there with a lady. Sister, wife, friend? I couldn't see her left hand. If I had offered help, it might have embarrassed him. This was a buffet breakfast.

As I ate, I watched him make several slow trips for food. He put milk and sugar in her dry cereal. He cut her food and twice wiped her mouth with her napkin. He put sugar and cream in her coffee and stirred it.

When they finally finished, he helped her from her chair, helped her with her coat, straightened out her folding walker, held her arm as they left and helped her into an older model car.

That vignette made my day. Were they sweethearts? I don't know, but there certainly was a lot of love there. Not a word was spoken, but I'm sure the message was received. We could use more of that kind of "conversation" every day, not just on Valentine's Day. -- S. FROM TENNESSEE

DEAR S. FROM TENNESSEE: The demonstration of love and commitment that you witnessed transcends any message that could be given verbally, or anything that could be written on a card. You saw a demonstration of the kind of commitment that is promised when people say to each other "in sickness and in health," but few people think through when they make that vow.

Your letter touched my heart, and I thank you for sending it so I could share it with my readers on this day that celebrates love.

DEAR ABBY: My 94-year-old mother, who lives in a nursing home, has had so much fun making valentines for all her grandkids -- ages 17 to 46.

She sent a picture taken of herself in a bubble bath and wrote, "I hope your day is as happy as I am here in this picture. Proverbs 15:15, 'For the despondent every day brings troubles; for the happy heart, life is a continual feast!' Happy Valentine's Day!"

I am so proud of her attitude. -- KATHY IN KENNEWICK, WASH.

DEAR KATHY: And well you should be. Your mother sets an example we should all be fortunate enough to follow.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: When I recently moved to Ohio, I left behind a group of dear friends. One of them, "Cheryl," and I talk on the phone almost every night.

Everyone in this group got along beautifully. We had great times and have fabulous memories of growing up together. Ten years ago, while I was away at college, the group had a falling out having to do with Cheryl. It was silly and childish -- it was over a "boy." It was soon forgotten and apologies were offered. But Cheryl held a grudge and refused to speak to any of the others.

Abby, more than a decade has passed. We're all married now, with kids and jobs. I love Cheryl dearly, but she refuses to reconcile. She's extremely sensitive, and the mere mention of the subject starts her whining about the "mistreatment" she endured.

So even though I'm far away, once again, I must listen to her constant complaint that she has no friends except me. She's upset that I moved away. I'm tired of splitting my time between her and the rest of my friends when I return for a visit.

How can I convince Cheryl that there is a group of girls who miss her terribly and just need her to grow up enough to forgive and forget? -- TORN IN DAYTON, OHIO

DEAR TORN: Young girls can be very cruel. It would be interesting to know the details of what this group of "friends" did to Cheryl when they turned on her, because whatever they did left her unable to trust any of them again. If they really "miss her terribly," then they should be the ones telling her so -- not you.

Because her neediness and self-pity have become more than you care to handle, before you are turned off completely, you should let Cheryl know that you no longer want to discuss "ancient history." And because you appear to be her only friend -- and a long-distance one at that -- you'd be doing her a favor to suggest that she get counseling to help her move beyond the past.

DEAR ABBY: I have met a man, "Alvin," who is the love of my life. He is divorced; I have never been married. Alvin has a 16-year-old daughter whom he adores, and she does not approve of our relationship. We want to be married, but he says it has to be OK with his daughter.

If Alvin really loved me, would he let her stand in the way of our happiness? -- WAITING FOR APPROVAL, CHARLOTTE, N.C.

DEAR WAITING: He might -- if he felt guilty enough about the breakup of his marriage to her mother. My question to you is, do you love Alvin enough to postpone any wedding plans until his daughter approves, or is out on her own -- whichever comes sooner?

DEAR ABBY: I have something I would like to know just for the sake of curiosity.

When my mother became pregnant with me, she was married -- but not to the man who impregnated her. Does this make me a bastard? I am not going to be devastated if the answer is yes -- I just want to know for the knowing. -- AM I OR AM I NOT, COSHOCTON, OHIO

DEAR ARE YOU OR ARE YOU NOT: The answer to your question is no. Because you were born within the bonds of wedlock, you are as legitimate as the next person.

P.S.: The term "bastard" went out of style at least two decades ago. A better term would be "love child."

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Hurt in Ohio" (Dec. 8), the 13-year-old girl who is being bullied, was deeply affecting. I have been a middle-school teacher for 10 years. I have seen what bullying can do to kids.

I'm proud that "Hurt" told her parents, but because that hasn't helped her, please tell her to find an adult at school whom she trusts and tell that adult what is happening. If she hasn't gotten a response within 24 hours, she should go to another adult, and another and another until someone listens.

And please, Abby, remind parents that ignoring the problem does not make it go away; it only makes it worse. Middle-school kids are especially vulnerable to bullying, and it must be stopped. -- MIDDLE-SCHOOL TEACHER IN INDIANA

DEAR MIDDLE-SCHOOL TEACHER: I advised "Hurt" to have her parents accompany her to discuss the situation with her counselor and the principal. However, it has been pointed out to me that being the victim of bullying sometimes happens to multiple generations in families in which the parents are extremely passive and tolerated it, and are unable to teach their children to be assertive.

Fortunately, more help is available for victims of bullying -- and my readers, in addition to sharing their personal experiences, generously offered resources to combat it. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Please tell your readers that our federal government is concerned about bullying, because bullying increases school absenteeism and drop-out rates and can cause significant, long-lasting difficulties for victims.

As part of its anti-bullying campaign, the Health Resource Services Administration has an informative and user-friendly Web site: www.stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov. This site has sections for parents, school professionals and students.

Bullying is a national problem. We must work together to end this preventable injury. -- PEDIATRIC CHAPLAIN, ARLINGTON, TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: Allow me to suggest to "Hurt in Ohio," or anyone who is concerned about bullying in our schools, a Web site called www.safeschools.com. -- ANN IN FARMINGTON, N.M.

DEAR ABBY: "Hurt," who wrote about being bullied, as well as her parents, should explore the materials on the Southern Poverty Law Center's Tolerance Web site, www.tolerance.org, and direct the staff at her school there as well. A search on "bullying booklet" will provide hundreds of references for use. The materials are free to educators and are in use in thousands of schools. Every school and every person being bullied would benefit from SPLC's products. After all, bullying and ostracism have figured in school shootings and in many student suicides.

There is also excellent anti-bias material that has been used with great success in schools with problems similar to the recent one in Jena, La., heading off sad incidents like theirs. -- S.T.M., VERO BEACH, FLA.

DEAR ABBY: "Hurt in Ohio" mentioned that her friends won't stand up for her because they "like" the jocks who are tormenting her. Well, someone should inform her that those kids are not her "friends." On the contrary, they are enablers. Bullies love an audience, and silence indicates approval.

The answer is to teach students that not only schools, but they themselves should have zero tolerance for abusers. -- HENRY IN LITHICUM, MD.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)