DEAR ABBY: I'm having a problem with the older sister of my daughter's best friend. I'll refer to the girl as "Cassie." Cassie is 16 or 17, and she's attracted to my significant other of 19 years, "Adam," who is 42.

Adam and I are friendly with Cassie's parents. We socialize with them at school sporting events, as well as at-home get-togethers.

Over the past year, Cassie has started coming up to me and asking, "Where's Adam?" Then she will run and jump into his arms, wrapping her legs around his waist as she says "Hi." Adam said she sometimes smacks him on the behind. She also stands directly in front of him and says things like, "Doesn't my butt look good?"

We have discussed this as a family, and have indicated to our daughter that we would never tolerate the same actions on her part. She agrees and expresses disgust. I have also pointed out to Adam that this would not sit well with him if, in two years, his daughter began exhibiting the same behavior with a friend's father -- or anyone else, for that matter.

How do we handle this without our friends becoming insulted? We suspect they think Cassie's behavior is "cute." -- DISGUSTED IN DECATUR, ILL.

DEAR DISGUSTED: Cassie's behavior is extremely inappropriate. You have described a young woman who has never learned boundaries. Could she have emotional problems?

If it happens again, Adam should tell her in plain English that she's too big and too heavy, and he doesn't like it. If she touches him inappropriately, he should tell her to stop because it is "disrespectful." As the adult, it's up to him to apply the brakes.

As to her questions about her posterior, it boggles my mind that Adam would actually respond to them, so he should continue to ignore them. It may also be necessary to stop socializing with the parents.

P.S. One way to approach the parents might be for Adam to call Cassie's father and ask what kind of insurance they have, in case his back goes out the next time their daughter jumps on him!

DEAR ABBY: My husband's stepmother loves to buy me clothes, but the clothes are -- shall I say tactfully -- not my taste. She also buys my husband and me underwear, which makes me extremely uncomfortable.

Usually I gracefully accept her gifts, then donate them to charity. I feel guilty that she spends time shopping and buying items that she thinks I would like. But honestly, I find them unattractive and inappropriate. Recently, she insulted me by buying me clothes that were several sizes too large. I'm sure she selected them out of ignorance, not malice, but the implication that she thinks I'm much larger than I am makes me angry.

Should I say something to her about the incorrect sizes? And how can I steer her away from buying these unsuitable gifts? -- ILL-FITTING IN HIGHLAND VILLAGE, TEXAS

DEAR ILL-FITTING: Has it occurred to you that your well-meaning but misguided mother-in-law may love you like the daughter she always wanted, and that's why she's buying you clothes? Or, she may have too much time on her hands and spends her time shopping.

To refuse her gifts would be rude, but a better solution might be to suggest that you go shopping together. That way, at least you'd have something you might enjoy.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 14-year-old girl. Lately I have been dealing with overwhelming feelings of sadness and depression. Just recently I found out that my sister's ex had physically abused her and her daughter. When my sister told me, she made me swear I wouldn't tell our parents. Not only do our parents not know, but she refuses to take it to court or to report it. When I confronted her, she told me she would rather put it behind her and forget about it.

I don't understand how she can let this man get away with what he did.

I don't know who to turn to. If I tell my parents, my sister will never trust me again. But if I don't tell, he might come back and hurt them. Please tell me what to do. -- TERRIFIED FOR MY SISTER

DEAR TERRIFIED: Your sister, like many victims of domestic violence, may blame herself for what happened to her and feel too embarrassed to report it. It is also not uncommon for men who beat up their partners to also abuse their children.

For her daughter's sake, the crime(s) should have been reported when they occurred and there was solid proof. However, because she didn't do that, I can only hope that she will keep the child away from her father -- who obviously hasn't enough impulse control to safely act as a responsible parent.

Some secrets are meant to be kept, but this isn't one of them. There is no reason you should carry this burden alone. Tell your parents and don't feel guilty about it. I have been advised that depression is anger turned inward. You are sad because you feel helpless to do anything about your sister's circumstances. Once your parents know what happened, they can help your sister ensure her safety and that of her daughter.

DEAR ABBY: Marrying one's high school sweetheart is common in my family. My parents, both of my aunts and two cousins are happily married to the people they began dating exclusively when they were teenagers.

Now my older brother, "Aiden," has joined their ranks. He recently married a girl he had dated since eighth grade. They are only 23, but blissfully happy. I'm glad for my brother, but now my relatives are wondering why I haven't followed suit.

There is no going back to high school for me, so I find myself trapped in awkward blind dates as loving family members -- especially my mother -- desperately try to find someone for me.

How can I make them understand that I really don't want to go out with the neighbor boy who is three years younger than I am? Also, is there something wrong with me because I haven't found "the one," as my other family members have? -- OLD MAID OF THE FAMILY, MANSFIELD, TEXAS

DEAR OLD MAID: The surest way to make your family understand is to keep your sense of humor about their attempts at matchmaking and not to become defensive. There is nothing wrong with being single -- people are remaining single longer now than ever before. Some men -- and women -- remain single their entire lives, and happily so. So please don't allow yourself to be made to feel time is running out because you haven't rushed to the altar. It takes some people longer than others to find that perfect match, but in most cases, "there's a pot for every lid."

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: You were right to tell "Just Saying No" (Jan. 16) that his pot-smoking classmates could be headed for addiction or other problems. I worry that marijuana poses more risks to teens than they -- or their parents -- recognize. More kids need professional help kicking marijuana than for all other drugs combined. It is not a "harmless" drug.

School failure, which you mentioned, could be only the first of many problems daily pot smokers may experience. Researchers have a long way to go in understanding the complexity of brain function, but we know that illicit drug use changes the developing brain. Many young people smoke pot before their brain development is settled, and their chronic use of the drug can affect certain centers in the brain that control emotion and reason.

Research shows that regular use of marijuana may also lead to mental health problems. Youth who use marijuana weekly have double the risk of depression later in life, and are three times more likely than non-users to have suicidal thoughts. -- MARC GALANTER, M.D., DIRECTOR, DIVISION OF ALCOHOLISM AND DRUG ABUSE, NEW YORK UNIVERSITY MEDICAL CENTER

DEAR DR. GALANTER: Thank you for lending your expertise on this subject. I am sure many teens and their parents will find your letter enlightening.

If they wish, younger readers can read and consider the latest scientific facts about marijuana and other drugs by logging onto www.abovetheinfluence.com. Parents can visit www.theantidrug.com for tips on talking to their adolescents and teens about drugs and how to get them help if that conversation begins "too late."

DEAR ABBY: Every time my husband and I attend a viewing, no matter who the deceased person is, my husband insists that I get in line in front of him. This means I'm the one who must approach the grieving family.

Some of the funerals we have been to are for people my husband knew well, but I knew only casually. It makes me uncomfortable to be the first to approach the family. He insists that it's "proper etiquette" to have me in front of him. I would have no problem being first if it was for someone I was close to. I feel he should do the same. Is there a right way or a wrong way to line up? -- ROCKY RIVER, OHIO, MOURNER

DEAR R.R.O.M.: There is no right or wrong way for mourners to line up for a viewing. Your husband may feel uncomfortable addressing the grieving family because he doesn't know what to say, and that's why he's defaulting to the old "ladies first" practice. (Please inform him that it should be ladies first only if the lady would LIKE to go first, not if she objects!)

However, because you appear to be stuck in the role of "point person" for your family, simply tell the family members you are "sorry for their loss." This applies whether you know them well or not, and it's all they really need to hear.

DEAR ABBY: I am a senior in high school and in a long-distance relationship with a magician's apprentice who is a year younger than me. What should I expect from this relationship? -- LINDSAY IN SAN JOSE, CALIF.

DEAR LINDSAY: Because, as part of their business, magicians often spend a lot of time on the road, expect a vanishing act. (Now you see him -- now you don't.)

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)