DEAR ABBY: My ex-husband and I have remained friends and lovers for the past 37 years. We maintained a relationship that included shared vacations and socializing together. We even talked of living in a retirement home together one day.

Three months ago, he stopped communicating with me. A month later, he sent me a greeting card telling me to "remember our good times always."

My heart has not mended. I cry continuously. I have not contacted him, but I know I deserve more than this because of the nature of our relationship. Abby, how do I handle these emotions, my future, and the social and family events that will be coming up? -- GRIEVING IN DAYTON, OHIO

DEAR GRIEVING: Under the circumstances, your feelings -- and your tears -- are normal. You are grieving for your lost husband. This is a process you should have gone through 37 years ago, when the marriage ended. But because you continued behaving as husband and wife, the strings remained tied.

It would be healthier for you if you had some closure. By that I mean if he had explained why he was ceasing communication. After all this time you deserve some answers -- even if they're painful to hear.

You may need professional counseling to handle your emotions. As to the social and family events that are scheduled, ask a friend to accompany you. Your future will take care of itself.

DEAR ABBY: I am in my 40s, single, and have bought a house. There is no man in my future. My parents helped me by giving me the down payment. They expect me to pay them back plus interest.

My parents paid for both my sisters' weddings and also helped with the expense for my brother's wedding. Since they didn't have to pay for a wedding for me, I think the down payment should be considered "wedding money," and I should not be required to pay it back. What is your opinion? -- JILTED DOWN SOUTH

DEAR JILTED: What bothers me about your letter is the sense of entitlement it conveys. I assume that at the time your parents loaned you the money, you agreed to the terms. If that's the case, then you should abide by them. You are fortunate your parents were willing (and able) to help you. Residential loans are not easy to get right now.

DEAR ABBY: I always find the letters you print about "pennies from heaven" intriguing. I lost a dear friend to a serious illness a few years ago. I was at work the day after her death, and we were having a severe, unseasonable thunderstorm. I had to wait until it was over to get to my car.

As I approached my car, I noticed a shiny penny -- not on the ground, but on the back of my windshield! The hairs on the back of my neck stood up. I immediately thought of my friend Lisa. She must have known that I had been berating myself for not having been there for her while she was at her sickest point. In my heart, I feel that the penny was Lisa's way of telling me she forgave me for not being a better friend. -- WISH I HAD A SECOND CHANCE

DEAR WISH: Regret is the cancer of life. Rather than looking backward, resolve to do better in the future. We find forgiveness where we look for it -- and if finding the penny was a comfort to you, then it has served its purpose.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: When I was in my teens, my mom had a publication of yours that included poems and special columns from the Dear Abby archives. I loved to pick it up from time to time and look at it. Among my favorites of the many varied items inside was the prayer for a family pet. It helped me greatly when our dog, "Blondie," reached the end of her life.

There were also a couple of pieces about the harm done by gossip, which I found especially relevant to my life as a teenager.

I am now a mom, and my daughter is 12. I don't know what became of my family's copy of that booklet, but I would love to have another one to share with my daughter. I think she'd get a kick out of many of the poems and essays -- and frankly, I would also enjoy revisiting some of them myself, this time from an adult perspective. Is that publication still available? -- JENNA IN GAMBRILLS, MD.

DEAR JENNA: Yes, the booklet is still available.

Over the years, readers have requested that I rerun articles that have special meaning for them. Readers told me that some of my columns had been clipped and saved until they were yellowed with age and falling apart.

Then they suggested that the special letters, poems and essays be assembled as a booklet. It is titled "Keepers" because so many Dear Abby readers have kept them to reread.

You can order a copy by sending a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to Dear Abby -- Keepers, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price.

Many people have told me that "Keepers" makes a welcome gift for newlyweds, new parents, animal lovers, or anyone who is recovering from an illness because it's a quick and easy read, and filled with wisdom and humor on a wide variety of topics.

DEAR ABBY: My wife is a pug nut. She has two ugly dogs, and she lets them sleep with us. The dogs snore and break wind all night, and she thinks it's cute. If I snore or break wind, she tells me it's annoying.

She dresses these dogs in expensive gowns and pearls. Now she expects me to drive them 1,200 miles to our vacation home, while she flies. She also wants to buy a third dog. What do I do? -- NO. 4 IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR NO. 4: People usually get the kind of treatment they're willing to tolerate. In most marriages, the spouse takes precedence over the pets -- regardless of how beloved those pets may be.

If I -- or my husband -- had been in your situation, the pugs would have been slumbering together in their own little bed since the beginning. However, because you have failed to draw the line, you have given your wife implied consent. Unless you're ready to stand on your hind legs and demand to be treated better than the four-legged members of your household, you'll have to move a little closer to the edge of the bed and have your vehicle checked before you embark on your 1,200-mile trip.

DEAR ABBY: Your reply to the letter from "Troubled in Colorado" (Jan. 10), regarding "Meg," a compulsive hoarder, missed one important point. Hoarding is treatable. I am a code compliance officer and encounter these situations frequently.

Hoarding is known by several other names -- Pack Rat Syndrome, collecting, etc. -- but it is considered to be a form of OCD, which is highly treatable once you convince the person to get treatment. Sufferers are usually aware they have a problem, but ashamed to let anyone know.

This problem crosses all social and economic boundaries. People with it are often highly intelligent, otherwise normal people. They just need help, and it is available. Many areas have support groups to help. -- JUDY JONES, MURIETTA, CALIF.

DEAR JUDY: Thank you for writing. Yes, as with many other problems, help is available -- if those who need it will only reach out. People with OCD can be helped through therapy, drugs, experts and organizations.

One such organization is the Obsessive Compulsive Foundation. It is best accessed through its Web site, � HYPERLINK "http://www.ocfoundation.org" ��www.ocfoundation.org�. Its phone number is (617) 973-5801. It offers referrals to local groups across the United States. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: "Troubled in Colorado" should call her county social services office. Most states have a senior adult services office that could help the woman in that letter take care of her needs. Hoarding is often a sign of self-neglect, and that's something these officers often deal with. They can refer her to providers who can help her clean her place.

If she has a mental health issue, the senior services worker would also help her find counseling or a doctor to deal with her challenge in discarding things. -- C.R. MAHONEY, AGENCY ON AGING, CLEVELAND

DEAR READERS: FYI, your local Area Agency on Aging can be reached at (800) 677-1116 or at � HYPERLINK "http://www.eldercare.gov" ��www.eldercare.gov�, and has expertise in handling such matters.

DEAR ABBY: I'm responding to "Troubled in Colorado," who was trying to decide what to do about the poor living conditions she found in her sick co-worker's house. I work in a hospital, and what I have seen under similar circumstances is that EMS will report living conditions like the one she described to the receiving ER, which will likely get a case manager involved, along with treating the patient's medical problems. The woman sounds like she has significant OCD that needs to be addressed. -- R.G. IN CRANSTON, R.I.

DEAR ABBY: As a professional organizer for more than 10 years, I have seen it all. "Meg," the woman in that letter, is a hoarder, which can be caused by depression. Any professional organizer should be able to help her get organized. But she also needs professional help to get to the bottom of her depression. The condition of her house is a symptom of her problem, and any professional organizer who deals with hoarders can help her. -- LESLIE J., NEW BRITAIN, CONN.

DEAR ABBY: My sisters found me in similar circumstances. The dirty living quarters, not reaching out for help -- these are all too common among people with major depressive disorder. The past year has been difficult, but with the help of my family, my therapist and the right medication, I'm doing well. You were right, Abby, when you said "Troubled" needs to let the hospital know, so "Meg" can get the help she needs. -- DOING BETTER IN MILWAUKEE

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)