DEAR ABBY: I couldn't help but be touched by the letter from Steve W. in Phoenix (Jan. 12), the retired Vietnam vet who wanted to give his wife of 40 years the "full-blown wedding she deserved."

My husband and I are retired and recently celebrated our 30th with a "renewal of vows" ceremony. It doesn't have to break the bank.

We planned a year in advance and saved money just for that occasion. I wore a secondhand wedding gown. My daughter and I shopped for decorations (instead of flowers) at the dollar store. It was beautiful.

Since I am retired military, I was able to use the chapel and the club on base, which was quite reasonable. But there are all kinds of other relatively inexpensive options for a reception -- local fire hall, church basement or, in the summer, a public park.

My grown children are musicians, and they "gifted" us with their music at the chapel. We hired a DJ -- which didn't cost much -- and friends took photos and videos for us.

Abby, our first wedding was nice, but it was mostly for others. Our second wedding was for me and my husband -- and it was everything we hoped it would be. -- BOBBIE IN NORRISTOWN, PA.

DEAR BOBBIE: Congratulations on your 30th anniversary, and thank you for sharing your experience with me and my readers. Read on for several excellent comments and suggestions from others:

DEAR ABBY: You don't have to spend a lot of money for a renewal of vows. If you belong to a church, it will usually donate use of its social hall or sanctuary. The church surely will have some talented members who can help with decorations. Food shouldn't be a problem -- you can do punch/coffee/cake for less than $50. The entire event could be handled for under $300.

To Steve W.'s "children": Think of your parents. You don't know how long you'll have them. Chip in (yes, use some of YOUR money) and make this a memorable occasion for them. -- BECKI IN GARDEN GROVE, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: We asked our new priest if he would give us a special blessing on our 45th. To our surprise, we were called up to the altar after Mass, and he renewed our vows in front of the entire congregation.

Since then, the priest has done this for other couples. Some dress up and wear corsages. Pews are reserved for family and friends. What a beautiful tradition he has started. The congregation is happy to be included in this wonderful event. There is no cost involved. Afterward couples can have a small reception in their homes. -- BOB AND KAREN IN EAST MOLINE, ILL.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have survived a lot in our marriage, and are each other's best friend and soul mate. When we decided to renew our vows, we found a good deal on a three-day trip to Las Vegas last April, and had the ceremony at an Elvis chapel there. Please tell Steve that if his wife liked Elvis, having an impersonator officiate the ceremony, then sing and escort your "bride" is an awesome way to do it. Our four kids still laugh and dance to our DVD copy almost a year later.

Airlines and hotels always have deals for going to Vegas, and since you are married already, no license or minister is necessary. Silly as it sounds, it's a great time your wife will never forget. -- LORIANN IN WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR ABBY: For their 50th anniversary, my siblings and I decided to give our parents the big wedding they never had. Their sacrifice, love and spiritual guidance have shown us how to live wonderful lives. We gave them the party we could afford. The happiness on their faces that day will warm our hearts forever. Dad still asks, "How much did it cost?" to which I kiddingly respond, "That's none of your business!" -- HAPPY IN TEXAS

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I have seen several dogs and cats left outside in below-zero weather this winter. Yes, animals have fur to help them keep warm, but that doesn't mean they don't get cold (even in dog houses). People get cold staying outside for an extended amount of time, even when bundled up, so imagine how the animals feel. These innocent animals can suffer from frostbite and hypothermia just like humans.

Won't you please remind your readers that pets should be brought inside on cold days and nights? -- ANIMAL LOVER IN NORFOLK, N.Y.

DEAR ANIMAL LOVER: While some breeds of dogs fare better in cold weather than others, all of them need interaction with their guardians. The animals you observed may have been left in the cold out of ignorance on the part of the humans with whom they co-exist.

I don't care how furry some of our furry friends appear to be. Check with your veterinarian to see when your breed should be brought indoors.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a divorced single mother with a 13-year-old daughter I'll call "Gia." We live next door to an attractive 62-year-old widow I'll call "Doris," who has become like a grandmother to Gia and a dear friend to me.

Last night I went to my daughter's room and found her standing on a stool in her closet looking out a small window into Doris' bedroom. When I asked Gia what she was doing, she didn't answer, so I climbed up on the stool to see for myself. Abby, Doris was in bed with her son, "Jeff," having sex. I could hardly believe my eyes!

Jeff is 36 and a mama's boy. He has his own home but visits his mother often. Gia said she has watched them many times since we moved here four years ago, and described some of the things she's seen.

I'm not sure how to handle this. Doris is very close to us, and Gia seems unaffected when we get together for dinner or the movies, etc.

Should I tell Doris and Jeff that I saw them? And what do I say to my daughter, who has been "educated" beyond her years? -- SEEN ENOUGH, CHAMPAIGN, ILL.

DEAR SEEN ENOUGH: You should definitely tell Doris that your daughter has been getting an eyeful from her closet window, and strongly suggest that Doris' curtains be closed when Jeff is "visiting." And if you haven't already talked to your daughter about sex -- and appropriate behavior -- it's time you played catch-up, so don't delay.

I would find it hard to continue a friendship with a woman in an incestuous relationship with her son. They're in serious need of counseling.

DEAR ABBY: I am an assistant librarian in New Mexico. My daughter recently told me she's going to convert to Buddhism. I'm perplexed by her choice. I want to support her because her aunt is also a Buddhist, but I wasn't raised Buddhist.

What advice can you give me? -- LONGTIME READER

DEAR LONGTIME READER: As an assistant librarian, you're surrounded by books. The time has come to pick up a couple and start reading about Buddhism and Buddhist philosophy. If you're near a computer, Google it. You'll find an abundance of information on the subject. I would also recommend that you attend a couple of meetings with your daughter. That way, you'll have a better understanding of what she -- and her aunt -- are attracted to.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am struggling with the question of whether or not to reveal a confidence made more than two years ago. My boyfriend at the time, "Jerry," revealed to me that he was gay. We remained friends, but I moved on and started dating someone else.

Jerry never confided his secret to anyone else and, eventually feeling overcome with depression, took his own life. Jerry told me more than once that he knew how his parents would feel if he told them he was gay. He saw the way they snickered when they saw a gay couple. They made it very clear to him that they didn't think it was normal. Jerry was sure, seeing the way his parents viewed gay people, that this was how he, too, would be viewed.

His parents are now blaming me for the fact that Jerry took his own life. They say it was because we broke up. Would it be selfish of me to tell them the truth -- that THEY are the real reason? Or should I continue to keep his secret? -- HIS BEST FRIEND, ROCHESTER, N.Y.

DEAR BEST FRIEND: You should reveal that your friend told you he was gay and was worried about how his parents would accept it. However, when you tell them, do not expect them to believe you. It will be far easier for them to continue pointing the finger at you than to accept that they had a role in their son's suicide.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I went to a restaurant tonight hoping to enjoy a relaxing evening of quiet conversation. Unfortunately, a man dominated all the conversations in the small restaurant by continually talking in a very loud voice.

The same thing happened several months ago, when our quiet dinner was interrupted by an elderly woman across the room who talked loudly the entire time we were there. She seemed to be hard of hearing, so we felt some sympathy for her. The man tonight, however, seemed to hear just fine.

Abby, if my children were talking that loudly in a public place, I'd admonish them to use their "indoor voices." How do we handle the situation when the loud speaker is an adult and a stranger? -- INDOOR VOICE, PLEASE

DEAR I.V.P.: Few restaurants today offer diners a place to enjoy "a relaxing evening of quiet conversation." The trend in recent years has been to create a "scene" with hustle and bustle and enough noise that the tables can be turned fairly quickly.

If someone was conversing so loudly that I could not enjoy a meal, I would ask the host to be seated elsewhere. And if that didn't solve the problem, I would find another restaurant that was more conducive to the kind of evening I had in mind and patronize that one.

DEAR ABBY: I make embroidered tablecloths as wedding gifts for my nieces and nephews. Some of their marriages have failed. Would it be tacky of me to request these gifts be returned to the family member for whom I made them? I put a lot of time and love into those tablecloths, and I'd like to see them stay in the family. -- TALENTED STITCHER

DEAR TALENTED STITCHER: You could try asking nicely. Often wedding gifts are divided according to which side of the family -- the bride's or the groom's -- gave the gift in the first place. However, when the divorce is a bitter one, the division of property sometimes must be decided by a judge. The time to get something like this settled would be before matters go that far, if possible.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)