DEAR ABBY: I am not sure how to handle my boyfriend's hair loss. "Jasper" is 34 and I'm 23. We have been dating for two years and have a wonderful relationship. We are completely open to each other, and because of that, I feel backed into a corner regarding this subject.

Hair loss is such a tricky topic. Women aren't supposed to care, but in reality we do -- unless you're one of those rare women who enjoy bald heads. (I'm not one of them.) Although Jasper's hair loss is barely noticeable now, without some sort of plan it will probably take over in a few years.

Jasper is self-conscious about his thinning hair. I can tell he's worried, but he doesn't want to do anything about it. I care more about Jasper's feelings than his hair, so I haven't let him know how much it bothers me, although he asks me often.

His type of hair loss is treatable. I find him very attractive now, but I don't know how I will feel when he's bald, and I'm sort of cringing inside about it. I feel like a daily ritual would not be too much to ask of someone.

I'm fed up with hearing, "If you love him, let him be" because my attraction to him is an important part of our lives. What should I do? -- TIRED OF SITTING ON MY HANDS

DEAR TIRED: Most women are not so fixated on "what's on top" that they fail to value what's underneath. While some hair loss is treatable with a "daily ritual," some is not. The kind that isn't can be successfully treated with a hair transplant -- if the candidate is eligible, and if it is done by a talented, qualified surgeon.

Whether Jasper is willing to endure the discomfort or the inconvenience is anyone's guess. In fact, he might prefer to find a woman who is less hung up on hair than you. Frankly, I'm betting he wouldn't have to look too "fur."

DEAR ABBY: Please help me. I am a 24-year-old daughter who works with my father in a small company. We weren't close until I reached college age. Since I have been working with him, we have grown much closer.

I love my parents dearly. However, Dad has an addictive personality. He has smoked, drunk and gambled in the past, but overcame these issues. Dad had an alcohol relapse a few years ago. Mama found him drunk. She hid it from my sister and me, but later told me in confidence. She said if he ever did it again, she might leave him.

Our business is having a rough time, and I found a stash of alcohol in Dad's office. I know it can be no one else's. I don't want to ruin his marriage, nor do I want to lie by omission to Mama. Should I confront him, or let it play out and pretend I didn't know?

I'd be devastated if they divorced. My sister is still in school. This is difficult since he's my dad AND my boss. Any direction would be greatly appreciated. -- DAUGHTER WHO KNOWS TOO MUCH

DEAR DAUGHTER: Tell your father you found his stash and urge him to get back into his program immediately. Give him a deadline to do it AND to tell your mother. If he doesn't, then you must. She has a right to know, and if you remain silent, you will only enable your father to continue drinking.

For your own emotional health, please do not allow yourself to be in the middle. I have mentioned Al-Anon so often I'm beginning to feel like an echo chamber. So allow me to mention another group that may be helpful. It's Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization, a 12-step program for individuals with whom I guarantee you'll find much in common. Its Web site is www.adultchildren.org.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I would like to respond to "Kelly in Austin" (March 24), who wondered if there were more than two men who excel at romance.

Abby, my husband has given me a total of four pieces of jewelry throughout our 13-year relationship. However, he has given me many intangibles that mean far more.

I have a best friend I can talk to and trust. I have a lover who cares for me and my needs. I have a husband who believes in and abides by the vows we took on our wedding day. I have a provider who works hard to assure my financial stability, not just for today, but also for the future.

My children have a father who loves them and makes sure they know it through his words and actions. And I have a partner for life who does "romantic" things like changing diapers, rocking babies, washing dishes and holding my hand.

In generations past, men were expected to be strong, gentle and responsible. I thank God that my husband has chosen to be that kind of man. -- BELOVED

DEAR BELOVED: You are a lucky woman who married a real gem. A life partner with attributes like your husband's is a jewel more precious than any stone that nature could create. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married 15 years, and my heart still skips a beat when I see him. We have a little piece of paper with I LOVE YOU written on it, and we take turns hiding it somewhere for each other to find. It shows up in my wallet, in the book I'm reading, in the laundry. It never fails to brighten my day, and it costs us not one cent.

He brings me coffee in the morning and a cup of tea at night. He'll surprise me with a candy bar or a cookie when I'm feeling down. Expensive jewelry isn't what makes a romance -- it's my darling taking a moment to let me know he's thinking of me. -- TINA IN CHINCOTEAGUE, VA.

DEAR ABBY: When my fiance and I first got together, he told me that he didn't celebrate Valentine's Day. He claimed that he "did his thing" all year -- and it's true. He leaves cards in my book bag scented with his cologne and sings to me on my voicemail at work on dreary Monday mornings. He writes me poems and buys me spontaneous gifts. No jewelry commercials can compete with a gift from the heart. -- SWEPT OFF MY FEET IN MEMPHIS

DEAR ABBY: I have been happily married for more than 10 years, and it hasn't been because of diamonds, flowers or trips to bed-and-breakfasts. We're happy because we laugh together, because we like each other, and because he was considerate enough to buy me a hands-free cell phone device to use while driving back and forth between our home and my father's. It's because he knows what scent of candle to buy me from a kid's fundraiser and because he thought I needed a new lunch box for work and got me one.

This is real life. Diamond commercials on the television are not. -- RITA IN DUBOIS, PA.

DEAR ABBY: My parents have been married 45 years, and the most romantic gesture I ever saw took place about 10 years ago. One day, while she was digging in the garden, I saw my dad standing there, hovering over her with a can of wasp spray, ready to blast any potential threat into eternity if it got near Mom. Now that's better than a diamond any day. -- SAM IN PALATINE, ILL.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Is 33 too young for a man to have a midlife crisis? I honestly believe that is what's happening to my husband. We have been married almost 13 years and have three children. Suddenly he wants out. Don't get me wrong, although our marriage has been rocky, I truly believed that we loved each other.

He says he has been unhappy for years, and I'm the only one who didn't see it. He now has a girlfriend and talks about having his body pierced, etc. I spend each day praying he'll return to his senses and come back.

Does the hurt ever go away? One day I'm happy-go-lucky, and the next I spend crying. Am I crazy? Is it possible to love and hate someone all at once? I need a dose of wisdom from someone besides my family and friends. Please help me. I'm trying to hold it together for the children, but it gets harder with each passing day. -- IN TURMOIL IN TENNESSEE

DEAR IN TURMOIL: You and your husband married young. If a midlife crisis can be defined as panic that life has passed a person by and doing something irrational, then that may be what has happened to your husband.

However, from where I sit, it appears that your husband has taken up with a wild-and-free woman, which has caused temporary amnesia. He has "forgotten" to be a responsible father of three and a husband. This is less a mental breakdown than a moral failure.

Considering the way you have been blindsided, I'd say your mood swings are normal. This may seem like small consolation, but with time, your hurt and anger will subside to the point that they are not all-consuming.

Right now, you need the support of friends and family. You also need to begin thinking seriously about how to create a life for yourself should Mr. Pincushion make his absence permanent. If he does eventually come to his senses, it will make you more attractive. If he doesn't, it will make you stronger, more self-reliant, and help to distract you from the pain you're experiencing. You have my sympathy, but please believe me when I tell you that, painful as this may be, it does not have to be the end of the world.

DEAR ABBY: My stepsister, who I have to share my room with when she stays with us, snooped in my drawers when I wasn't there and found my birth control pills. Now she's blackmailing me. She says she will tell my mother if I don't give her money.

Mother would go crazy if she found out I was using the pill. I know she wouldn't let me see my boyfriend anymore, and I couldn't handle that. I never thought I would feel like killing somebody, but that's the way I feel right now. Please tell me what to do. I don't want to give in to blackmail. -- VICTIMIZED IN WYOMING

DEAR VICTIMIZED: Murder isn't an option, and neither is giving in to blackmail. If you give a blackmailer money, the demands will only escalate -- which leaves you with one other choice: Tell your mother before she does.

While the pill may protect you against pregnancy, it does not protect against sexually transmitted diseases. And because you are now sexually active, you need to be seen by a gynecologist to be sure you don't have one.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)