DEAR ABBY: I am a ninth-grade honors student in a highly rated public school. I have never cheated on any assignment, nor have I ever helped anyone else to cheat. However, I know several of my classmates cheat on quizzes and homework assignments because I have seen them.

Abby, many of these students have better grade point averages (GPAs) than I do. In my school, the competition to become valedictorian is cutthroat. The valedictorian typically graduates with a 4.5 GPA.

It's frustrating to see the honor code at this school, as well as the hard work of honest students who are trying to make it to the top, undermined by the cheaters. Yet I'm hesitant to turn them in to the teachers if I see it happen again. What would be the appropriate thing to do? -- VALEDICTORIAN CONTENDER, PLANO, TEXAS

DEAR CONTENDER: The thing to do is let the teachers and the principal know what's going on. If you are reluctant to do this for yourself, then do it for all the other honest students who are diligently trying to earn excellent grades and improve their chances of acceptance at the better colleges and universities.

Over the last 10 or 15 years, many people's standards of ethics have taken a nosedive. By "ethics," I mean doing what is right because it is the right thing to do. We hear about it daily when stories appear in the media about court-appointed conservators who cheat the frail elderly they were hired to protect, banks selling clients inappropriate retirement funds, mortgage brokers encumbering first-time homeowners with loans they can't keep up with, the theft and abuse of personal information, drug companies sponsoring "research" that influences the approval of questionable products, and educators who lie about their credentials.

Drivers speed and ignore stop signals if they think no one will see them, and residents of high-crime neighborhoods cling to a code of silence when innocent children and young adults are gunned down simply for being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

We are ALL responsible for creating the world we live in. And little will change in the face of ethical lapses and criminal behavior until more of us are willing to take a stand and do something about them when we see it happen.

Readers, your thoughts on this would be welcome.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I purchased a home 2 1/2 years ago. Today we received an e-mail from the previous owners telling us they are coming here on vacation and would like to visit us and see the house again.

We don't want to visit with the previous owners. When we bought their house we never expected to see them again. My husband and I are very private people. How do we tell them we do not want to see them again or have them in our home? -- INVADED IN HAWAII

DEAR INVADED: You are under no obligation to have any contact with the previous owners. E-mail the couple and tell them that a visit at that time is "not convenient" and a house tour is not an option.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 54-year-old divorced woman who raised three kids on my own for 15 years. I would now like to make a major change in my life and move to a small town in a Southern state. My kids are grown except for my youngest, who will graduate from high school this summer and probably attend college.

My parents, who don't even live in this town, are opposed to the idea. They say I am "abandoning my children," and my siblings are asking how I can move so far away from my elderly parents, which makes me feel guilty.

Am I wrong for wanting a new life of my own? My loved ones can always come to visit me. Do I owe it to my parents to stay here?

I can no longer afford to live where I am here in San Diego, but if I move to a less expensive community, I suppose I could afford a small home. -- RESTLESS

DEAR RESTLESS: Having raised your children to the point that they are independent, you are entitled to live wherever you wish. However, before making any hard-and-fast decisions, please answer some honest questions:

What will you do if your parents become too ill or frail to travel? Once your children marry and your grandchildren start arriving, how involved do you want to be in their lives?

If you will have enough money to travel for visits when you wish, then go with a clear conscience. If not, consider moving to a smaller, less expensive community not so far away from the family.

P.S. A final question: If something should happen to you, would you want your family to be closer?

DEAR ABBY: I have had this friend, "Dina," for about five years. It took me a while to notice, but now I realize she calls me only when she needs something -- a shoulder to cry on, a favor or, more recently, someone to brag to about her "good fortune."

Dina's "fiance" (I'll call him "Ethan") has finally divorced his wife to be with her. He has physically and emotionally abused Dina in the past, and continues to use drugs. I have loaned her money and helped her out in more ways than I can count.

Ethan recently got a big settlement, so Dina had $10,000 worth of plastic surgery done and took a trip to the Caribbean. But she has never once offered to repay me what she owes. She has also never been to my new house, not even for the housewarming. She says I live "too far," although it's only 20 minutes from her place.

Dina's wedding is scheduled soon. I don't want to attend because I think Ethan is an abuser -- and besides, it's "too far." She keeps calling, and I just let the machine pick up. I don't want to invest any more in this friendship, but I don't know what to do. Advice, please. -- MS. L. IN SEATTLE

DEAR MS. L: Tell Dina that it's time to repay the money you loaned her. After that, I predict your problem will be solved.

DEAR READERS: Along with the millions of Americans who are celebrating this Memorial Day, I would like to add my prayer of thanks to the men and women of our armed services who laid down their lives in service to our country. May they rest in peace.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Robby," and I are having an argument about my teenage diary. About seven years ago, I discovered that Robby had been keeping a lot of photos and letters from his exes in boxes. I wanted him to throw them out and have continued to press the subject. His excuse has been that he "doesn't have time."

Last week when I brought it up, Robby went into our bedroom, took out my old diary and said it was the same thing as the box of letters. He insisted I should throw it out because it contains entries about exes and sexual experiences. I don't think it's the same thing. Robby took it anyway.

I am heartsick that I no longer have my diary. I don't know how to make Robby understand that the book is a part of me. I don't keep it to read about my exes. I keep it for the information about family members, friends and the thoughts I recorded as a teenager. Abby, I kept that diary from my freshman year of high school until the first weeks I started dating Robby.

What can I do? -- SENTIMENTAL IN SAN ANTONIO

DEAR SENTIMENTAL: The first thing to do is recognize that your husband has a valid point. Next, offer to declare a truce on the subject of mementos of times gone by. Then ask him to return your diary.

P.S. If Robby has already disposed of it, then his photos and letters should go, too. However, I have a hunch he is still holding onto it and is trying to teach you a lesson in fairness.

DEAR ABBY: What do you do when someone is just plain rude? I'm talking about someone who cuts in front of you in line, or someone who says something nasty about you, not knowing that his voice carried to you? -- ADVOCATE FOR KINDNESS

DEAR KINDNESS ADVOCATE: When someone cuts in front of you in line, you have two choices: passively accept the situation, or speak up and tell the person firmly, but politely, that you were there first, and the line starts in the rear.

If someone says something nasty about you within earshot, you have two choices: ignore the boor, or say, "I heard that!" I recommend the former.

DEAR ABBY: Two weeks ago, while we were sitting in church, my partner, "Roy," began chatting with someone seated next to him. At one point, the person reached out and patted the top of Roy's thigh. Later, Roy and I discussed whether this gesture could be considered flirting -- or was it like a pat on the back.

A few days ago, I was shocked to see my own mother do the same thing to a married male friend. Is this an appropriate gesture, or does it depend on the level of friendship or location on the thigh? -- TAKEN ABACK IN BIRMINGHAM, ALA.

DEAR TAKEN ABACK: Some people are "touchers" and mean nothing more by it than establishing contact when they reach out. Others are lechers. Much depends upon who is doing the touching, and who is doing the interpreting.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)