DEAR ABBY: My 17-year-old niece, "Nicki," was recently diagnosed with an STD. When her mother, my sister-in-law "Cynthia," found out she was horrified. She had ignored several family members -- including me -- who had tried to warn her that Nicki was sexually active and not taking proper precautions.

Now Nicki's 14-year-old sister, "Danni," has come to me because she was afraid she was pregnant. I took her to get a pregnancy test done. Thank God, it was negative.

I think Danni should be tested for STDs, and both she and Nicki should be on birth control.

I can't get this through to my sister-in-law. Cynthia thinks I "don't understand" because I have sons, and "all I have to do is give them condoms."

Yes, but I have also talked to them about sex, sexually transmitted diseases, pregnancy and prevention, as well as the importance of acting responsibly.

I just want my nieces to be safe. Cynthia is living in a state of denial. How can I protect my nieces? -- CONCERNED AUNT IN NEW YORK

DEAR AUNT: Danni obviously trusts you, or she would not have come to you when she thought she was in serious trouble. It's a shame the girls don't have a closer relationship with their mother, and that she has chosen to hide her head in the sand rather than confront the obvious. Because she seems unable to talk to her daughters about sex and the responsibilities that go with it, you should.

If you feel uncomfortable talking to them about this, I have a booklet that can help you. It's called "What Every Teen Should Know," and it has been used by doctors and educators to get the message across in easy-to-understand language. It also contains sections on drugs, alcohol and date rape.

My teen booklet can be ordered by sending a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price.

Your nieces must understand that having unprotected sex is not only dangerous, but could also prevent them from having children at a time in their lives when they're prepared to provide for them. It's obvious that you care about those girls. So schedule the discussion ASAP, and impress upon them that the decisions they're making now will affect their entire futures and how important it is for them to avoid the pitfalls.

DEAR ABBY: Is it rude or inconsiderate for a person to knit, crochet or piece a quilt while attending a meeting or other gathering? -- CURIOUS IN THE SUNBELT

DEAR CURIOUS: Although I may get some argument about this, I do think it's rude. When someone is attending a meeting or a social gathering, it is considered good manners to give the speaker or other attendees your full attention. And while I expect to hear from readers who say they can "multi-task," to do so sends the wrong message.

DEAR ABBY: I love your column. Unfortunately, it appears on the same page as the comics and Sudoku puzzle in our newspaper. Every morning my boyfriend drinks a cup of coffee and then disappears into the bathroom for a good 15 minutes -- even longer on weekends -- with your section of the paper. Half the time I never get it back, and if I do it's never in fresh, crisp condition.

Any advice on how I can convince the male side of our household to extend a little more courtesy toward those of us who like to read Dear Abby before his morning "duty"? I don't even care if he leaves the seat up. -- DESPERATE IN DURANGO, COLO.

DEAR DESPERATE: It's time to do some detective work. If it's Sudoku your boyfriend is after, cut it out and tape it to the toilet seat so it's ready and waiting for him. That way you can have your dose of Dear Abby untouched.

However, if MY column is his guilty secret behind that closed door, your only alternative is to grab the section first, beat him in there and lock the door. In a case like this, victory belongs to the fleetest.

DEAR ABBY: My best friend of 12 years, "Kimberly," has been engaged to "Oliver" for about six months, living with him for four. She recently confided to me that she does not want to be married and regrets ever moving in with him. We both cried as she told me everything that has been going on. She apologized for not telling me sooner how unhappy she was.

The next day, Kimberly claimed she regretted saying anything because it made Oliver sound so horrible. She said she had failed to tell me the good things he does to balance out the bad. I remained noncommittal and told her I am always here to listen. I told her my rule is, "Are the good times worth the bad?" She said they weren't, and she still doesn't want to get married. But she also insists she won't back out or say anything.

What should I do? Now that I know everything, it is impossible for me to see my best friend, who I love, enter a marriage she herself says she doesn't want. Should I keep my mouth shut, or fight on her behalf, since she refuses to speak up? -- ADVOCATE FOR HAPPINESS IN SEATTLE

DEAR ADVOCATE: Neither one. Tell you friend that, feeling ambivalent as she does, she and Oliver should seek premarital counseling from the person who will officiate at their wedding. If this marriage is not to be, it will become evident to all three of them at that time.

DEAR ABBY: I dread getting my hair cut and colored at salons because I detest small talk. I can't get to the salon until after work, and by then I'm all small-talked-out. Is it rude to bring a book and read while someone is doing your hair? -- NOT A CHATTY CATHY, IRVINE, CALIF.

DEAR NOT CHATTY: It is not rude to bring along something to read while your hair is being colored. However, reading while you are getting your hair cut might be counterproductive.

In order to get the "line" right, your hairdresser would probably prefer that you sit with your head up, looking straight into the mirror rather than down. My hairdresser, Asya, is a perfectionist who insists upon it.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I recently lost my loyal companion of 12 years, my dog Buddy. His death has been difficult for me, although with each passing day the hurt eases a little.

My 3-year-old niece, "Tamara," adored Buddy. Her first words during any conversation usually were, "Where's Buddy?" or, "How is Buddy?" Tamara lives in another state, so she was able to see him only during visits to my home. I asked my sister to explain that Buddy had died and gone to heaven, hoping Tamara would understand why Buddy is no longer here with me. Sadly, she didn't do as I asked. The last time we talked Tamara said, "Maybe he'll be back from heaven when we come see you."

They're coming next month, and when they do I know I'll have to deal with Buddy's loss all over again. What's the best way to handle this with the least amount of hurt for all concerned? When her fish died, they flushed it down the toilet, and Tamara still thinks it will come swimming back one day. -- "AUNT LALA" IN RHODE ISLAND

DEAR AUNT LALA: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your beloved Buddy. The way to handle this is, when your niece arrives and asks where Buddy is, tell her again that he died. And when she asks when he's coming back, tell her that when creatures die, they do not come back. It's the truth, and it may stop her from continually checking the toilet.

DEAR ABBY: Can you give me a lighthearted, polite response when someone says, "Shame on you!" for not doing something he thinks everyone should be doing -- like watching "Star Wars" movies and inconsequential things like that?

My husband has a colleague who says this constantly. We find it rude, but don't want to match his rudeness with our own. -- STUMPED IN ST. CLOUD, MINN.

DEAR STUMPED: You husband's colleague is not being rude. He's being asinine -- and for you and your husband to buy into it is a waste of your time and emotion.

The next time he says, "Shame on you" for something so trivial, just laugh and agree with him. "Yes, ha-ha. It's shameful." Then change the subject. No one has the right to dictate how you should spend your time, so take it with a grain of salt.

DEAR ABBY: I read an article in our local paper a while ago that said good employees who leave a company usually do so because of their boss.

With that in mind, I would like to bring closure to my recent resignation with the following open letter to my former boss:

"Thanks for asking me to stay on, but I respectfully decline. I will be self-employed from now on. However, if in the future I ever feel the need to be publicly humiliated, blind-sided, ostracized and called a spy, be distrusted and disciplined by superiors for no good reason, fight for wages that are rightfully mine, stabbed in the back by fellow employees, used as a pawn in executive rivalries, or (especially) chewed out when you're having a bad day, I'll get back to you!" -- MOVING ON IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR MOVING ON: I'm printing your letter. I hope that seeing it in print will be cathartic. I wish you good luck in your new career, where someday you may be a boss yourself. And if you are, I'm sure you will create a healthier office environment than the one you left.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)