DEAR ABBY: I had to laugh when I saw the letter from "Not Sure If I Do" (May 8), who hesitated to attend a potluck wedding at which guests would be expected to pitch in and do dishes.

That sounds a lot like a Quaker wedding. In my meeting house there would be no minister, no music -- perhaps some wildflowers picked from a nearby field. The couple would recite vows they had written. The only cost would be the courthouse fee and whatever the couple spent (if anything) on wedding attire.

In today's economy, how's that for saving money? "Not Sure" should let her hair down and get with the program. That wedding sounds like a hoot. -- PENNSYLVANIA QUAKER GIRL

DEAR QUAKER GIRL: I agree that in today's economy a potluck wedding may be the most practical choice for some couples. Many readers wrote to say that potluck weddings are not unusual today, and in some areas have become the norm. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: How refreshing! That wedding couple has the good sense not to spend a fortune putting on a lavish reception, and instead are inviting only friends they feel close to and requesting assistance in the form of food and setting up, etc. I'd rather be the friend of a couple like that than a guest at a lavish reception for casual acquaintances. -- HAPPY FOR THE COUPLE IN COLORADO

DEAR ABBY: Apparently "Not Sure" is looking to be entertained rather than wanting to contribute to make this a special day. Perhaps it's a money issue, or maybe it's just wanting to share the values that led them to choose this type of wedding. Wish them well and go, or stay home -- but don't judge them. -- ANNETTA IN EUGENE, ORE.

DEAR ABBY: It is traditional in Mexican families for the couple to go to friends and family and ask if they can pay for something in the wedding. It might be food, the hall, ring pillow, favors, etc.

These people are called "compadres" and "comadres." They also participate in the wedding and are mentioned in the wedding invitations -- including what they contributed. They also help to serve the food.

The persons providing the support do not need to also provide a gift, since they have already contributed to the wedding. -- ROSE K. IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ABBY: I agree that the person who wrote that letter should not attend if she doesn't wish to participate, but I think you should have made it clear that not everyone has a catered wedding. Abby, you were correct that the person should send her regrets if she was offended by the invitation, but if she does, she will miss out on a very intimate and enjoyable occasion. -- B.E.C. IN ROCHESTER, N.Y.

DEAR ABBY: I think the real question is, are the bride and groom just cheap, which seems to be the implication in "Not Sure's" letter, or simply do not have the money for an elaborate wedding, and still want to include family and friends in the only way they can afford? -- CYNTHIA IN SAN DIEGO

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My 17-year-old niece, "Nicki," was recently diagnosed with an STD. When her mother, my sister-in-law "Cynthia," found out she was horrified. She had ignored several family members -- including me -- who had tried to warn her that Nicki was sexually active and not taking proper precautions.

Now Nicki's 14-year-old sister, "Danni," has come to me because she was afraid she was pregnant. I took her to get a pregnancy test done. Thank God, it was negative.

I think Danni should be tested for STDs, and both she and Nicki should be on birth control.

I can't get this through to my sister-in-law. Cynthia thinks I "don't understand" because I have sons, and "all I have to do is give them condoms."

Yes, but I have also talked to them about sex, sexually transmitted diseases, pregnancy and prevention, as well as the importance of acting responsibly.

I just want my nieces to be safe. Cynthia is living in a state of denial. How can I protect my nieces? -- CONCERNED AUNT IN NEW YORK

DEAR AUNT: Danni obviously trusts you, or she would not have come to you when she thought she was in serious trouble. It's a shame the girls don't have a closer relationship with their mother, and that she has chosen to hide her head in the sand rather than confront the obvious. Because she seems unable to talk to her daughters about sex and the responsibilities that go with it, you should.

If you feel uncomfortable talking to them about this, I have a booklet that can help you. It's called "What Every Teen Should Know," and it has been used by doctors and educators to get the message across in easy-to-understand language. It also contains sections on drugs, alcohol and date rape.

My teen booklet can be ordered by sending a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price.

Your nieces must understand that having unprotected sex is not only dangerous, but could also prevent them from having children at a time in their lives when they're prepared to provide for them. It's obvious that you care about those girls. So schedule the discussion ASAP, and impress upon them that the decisions they're making now will affect their entire futures and how important it is for them to avoid the pitfalls.

DEAR ABBY: Is it rude or inconsiderate for a person to knit, crochet or piece a quilt while attending a meeting or other gathering? -- CURIOUS IN THE SUNBELT

DEAR CURIOUS: Although I may get some argument about this, I do think it's rude. When someone is attending a meeting or a social gathering, it is considered good manners to give the speaker or other attendees your full attention. And while I expect to hear from readers who say they can "multi-task," to do so sends the wrong message.

DEAR ABBY: I love your column. Unfortunately, it appears on the same page as the comics and Sudoku puzzle in our newspaper. Every morning my boyfriend drinks a cup of coffee and then disappears into the bathroom for a good 15 minutes -- even longer on weekends -- with your section of the paper. Half the time I never get it back, and if I do it's never in fresh, crisp condition.

Any advice on how I can convince the male side of our household to extend a little more courtesy toward those of us who like to read Dear Abby before his morning "duty"? I don't even care if he leaves the seat up. -- DESPERATE IN DURANGO, COLO.

DEAR DESPERATE: It's time to do some detective work. If it's Sudoku your boyfriend is after, cut it out and tape it to the toilet seat so it's ready and waiting for him. That way you can have your dose of Dear Abby untouched.

However, if MY column is his guilty secret behind that closed door, your only alternative is to grab the section first, beat him in there and lock the door. In a case like this, victory belongs to the fleetest.

DEAR ABBY: My best friend of 12 years, "Kimberly," has been engaged to "Oliver" for about six months, living with him for four. She recently confided to me that she does not want to be married and regrets ever moving in with him. We both cried as she told me everything that has been going on. She apologized for not telling me sooner how unhappy she was.

The next day, Kimberly claimed she regretted saying anything because it made Oliver sound so horrible. She said she had failed to tell me the good things he does to balance out the bad. I remained noncommittal and told her I am always here to listen. I told her my rule is, "Are the good times worth the bad?" She said they weren't, and she still doesn't want to get married. But she also insists she won't back out or say anything.

What should I do? Now that I know everything, it is impossible for me to see my best friend, who I love, enter a marriage she herself says she doesn't want. Should I keep my mouth shut, or fight on her behalf, since she refuses to speak up? -- ADVOCATE FOR HAPPINESS IN SEATTLE

DEAR ADVOCATE: Neither one. Tell you friend that, feeling ambivalent as she does, she and Oliver should seek premarital counseling from the person who will officiate at their wedding. If this marriage is not to be, it will become evident to all three of them at that time.

DEAR ABBY: I dread getting my hair cut and colored at salons because I detest small talk. I can't get to the salon until after work, and by then I'm all small-talked-out. Is it rude to bring a book and read while someone is doing your hair? -- NOT A CHATTY CATHY, IRVINE, CALIF.

DEAR NOT CHATTY: It is not rude to bring along something to read while your hair is being colored. However, reading while you are getting your hair cut might be counterproductive.

In order to get the "line" right, your hairdresser would probably prefer that you sit with your head up, looking straight into the mirror rather than down. My hairdresser, Asya, is a perfectionist who insists upon it.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)