DEAR ABBY: I am 14 years old and the daughter of a successful businessman. Daddy recently announced that we have been invited to the bat mitzvah of the daughter of one of his co-workers. I don't want to go.

When I was in seventh grade, I went to her brother's bar mitzvah. While the actual ceremony was interesting and enlightening (I'm Catholic), the party afterward was really uncomfortable. I'm not shy, but it is hard to socialize with people I have never met before on such a large scale.

I am afraid I'll be intimidated by all the other kids there who know each other. How can I enjoy myself this time around? I'd appreciate any advice you have. -- QUIET AND INTIMIDATED IN CLEVELAND

DEAR QUIET AND INTIMIDATED: You are older and more socially skilled now than when you were a seventh-grader. You don't have to "sparkle," because the attention will be centered on the bat mitzvah girl.

Why not use being Catholic and not knowing anyone to your advantage? Pick out the cutest boy in the room, walk over and explain that this is all new for you. Remember the circle dance in which everyone participated at the last party? It's called the "hora." Tell him you don't know how and ask him to show you and lead you when the music starts. You may make a friend.

DEAR ABBY: When I had my first child, my sister "Ursula" bought me a cradle swing that retails for about $180. I have used it for both my children and have kept it in excellent condition. My youngest is nearing the recommended weight limit for the swing, so I'm considering selling it, as I do with all the items my children outgrow. I should get about $75 for it.

I'm a stay-at-home mom and my husband works two jobs. We live on a tight budget. I'd like to use the money I get for the swing for birthday and Christmas gifts for the kids.

Ursula's husband's niece, "Bree," is having a baby boy in two months. I'm not close to Bree and see her only every other year. I plan on giving her lots of the baby clothes, toys and equipment I have. I could have sold them, but chose to give them to Bree. I don't plan on giving her the swing.

Ursula is now reminding me that she and her husband gave me the swing and they would like me to pass it along to Bree. Am I obligated to give what was a gift to me and my children to Bree's child? There were no stipulations when I received it. How do I handle this? -- PUZZLED IN PLANO, TEXAS

DEAR PUZZLED: For Ursula to dictate to you how you dispose of the gift takes a lot of nerve, and no rule of etiquette obligates you to give the swing to Bree. However, unless you want that swing to become a bone of contention and a source of resentment, give it to Bree with a smile. The good feelings it will generate are worth more than $75 -- and the penalty isn't worth it. Trust me.

DEAR ABBY: This may be a dumb question, but I don't have the answer. If my elderly roommate dies (of old age) during the night, who do I call the next morning -- his doctor at a big, impersonal HMO, the county coroner or the cremation society of which he is a prepaid member? He has no living relatives. -- ANXIOUS ROOMIE IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR ANXIOUS: Your question is not "dumb." In the event that someone dies at home, the police should be notified so they can be sure the person passed away of natural causes.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I wrote you about a year ago regarding my difficulty in finding a single, educated, relationship-minded man. You advised me to lower my high standards and date outside my preconceived notions of who Mr. Right was - - someone younger or without a college degree.

I dated several men who matched the description. At best, things were uninteresting. Taking your suggestion to "get off my high horse," I have been involved for six months with a man slightly younger than I, with a high school education and children. He's a good man, a good father, and treats me like a queen. However, we're completely incompatible. Intellectually, we're miles apart.

Much as I care for him, I am breaking up with him. I have returned to school to work on my MBA and would rather be single the rest of my life than live a lie for the sake of love. The one thing I have learned from this experience is a newfound fulfillment in being single. -- STILL LOOKING IN NEW ORLEANS

DEAR STILL LOOKING: I wish you luck in your search. Over the years I have met people from all walks of life and developed affection as well as respect for their street smarts. I hoped it would work for you. Sorry my advice didn't turn out the way it was intended, but I'm glad you got something positive out of it anyway.

I'm often asked if I hear back from those whose letters I publish. Curious? Read on:

DEAR ABBY: You printed my letter July 6. I signed myself "Adrift in Anderson, S.C." I want you to know things have since improved. My husband and I finally talked, and we decided to work things out. I found a better job and we put our house up for sale. He's doing something different now, too. Money is no longer tight and the pressure is off.

The main thing is, we talked to each other and realized we need to focus on what made us want to be together in the first place. I decided to follow your advice and did exactly what you suggested. And I understand what you mean about not being able to "unring the bell."

Thank you for caring and for printing my letter. Hopefully there won't be any other people texting for divorces they don't want! Sign me ... ANCHORED AGAIN IN S.C.

DEAR ANCHORED: Thank you for the update. I'm pleased to know your situation has improved. Texting may be convenient, but nothing replaces eye contact.

DEAR ABBY: I'm "Sad Dad in Arizona," whose letter appeared May 2 with feedback from your readers on July 2. My wife has a terminal illness and our 15-year-old son didn't want to attend her funeral when the time came. I'd like to thank you and everyone who took the time to write and offer advice.

I'd like to update you on my situation. My mother died recently and my son did attend her funeral. He was apprehensive at first, but handled it much better than he thought he would and he was glad he went.

My wife and I have been going to the Mayo Clinic, and they have given us some hope. While there's no cure for her, there is a medication that may extend her life at least a few more years. On a side note, she finally located her birth father, who lives in another state. She went to visit him and her newfound family before she starts her treatment, which will make her too sick to travel. The visit went well.

A lot can change in a few months. -- FORMERLY SAD DAD

DEAR FORMERLY SAD: I'll say! Your last sentence says it all. I'm sure my readers will be as pleased as I am to know your wife is doing better for now.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a single woman who dates and is not in a serious relationship right now. I'm enjoying my life, having fun, but have met someone along the way who is becoming important. I'm getting the same vibes from him.

Before meeting "Mr. New," I booked a Caribbean vacation with someone I have dated off and one for a few years. Now I'm worried. What if things progress with Mr. New? How will I tell him, and how will he feel about my going on vacation with "Mr. Standby"? I don't think lying is the answer, but I could say I was going with a girlfriend. But what if we become something more and he finds out I lied to him?

The trip is coming up soon and I don't know when -- or if -- I should tell Mr. New. Who knows? We could be over by then, although I hope not. Any advice would be appreciated. -- SINGLE GIRL IN PINE HILL, N.J.

DEAR SINGLE GIRL: I'm surprised you would still be enthusiastic about "tripping" with Mr. Standby while you're falling for Mr. New. Do not lie. The truth has a way of coming out, and if you do, it will wreck your credibility and the romance as well.

I advise you to level with Standby and let him know you met someone. He needs to find another travel companion ASAP. There will probably be a penalty for assigning your pre-purchased ticket to someone else. If there is, offer to pay it. It's the price of being honorable.

P.S. If Mr. New does not turn out to be Mr. Right, you can always take another trip with Mr. Standby next year if he is still willing to date you. (However, if he reads Dear Abby and recognizes that you consider him only "Mr. Standby," he may not be.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are expecting our first child and selected names some time ago. If it's a boy, we'll name him Ethan; if it's a girl, we'll call her Ardith.

My father sent us a nasty e-mail telling us he's praying we have a boy because he couldn't imagine "saddling a child with a name like Ardith." This from a man who named his son "Seymour Herbert" and stuck with a last name that is an insult in two languages. (My brother and I grew so sick of being reminded of it that we changed our last name.) It wasn't even our original family name, but a badly Americanized name-gone-wrong that was laid on our grandfather when he came to this country.

My husband and I found my father's remarks extremely hurtful and wrote him to explain why we chose the name Ardith, but Dad persists in saying how much he hates our choice.

We know the name is old-fashioned and unusual. But considering what some celebrities name their children these days, Ardith doesn't seem weird to us. If she dislikes her name, we'll help her change it later, but I doubt that will happen. Meanwhile, how do we deal with my father when he keeps bugging us? -- EXPECTING ANY DAY NOW IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR EXPECTING: By standing your ground and refusing to be intimidated. The privilege of choosing a child's name belongs to his or her parents. If Grandpa doesn't like it, suggest that he call your daughter "Darling," or "Honey." Both are endearments and would be his "special" name for her.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)