DEAR ABBY: My husband's best friend of 40 years, "Nick," started dating a woman about a month ago. Nick has been down on his luck personally and financially for several years. He called and asked if he could bring "Hattie" to our home for dinner. We agreed, hoping it would be a good relationship for him.

Within 15 minutes of meeting her, Hattie told me she was bipolar and suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder. She has two small children, but when I asked where they were, she changed the subject. Nick doesn't have kids, and he's nearly 50.

When Hattie asked me for something to drink, I offered her tea or soda. She took the soda, then said she preferred beer and wine, and did I have any. I poured her a glass, then she asked for a second and proceeded to drink 2 1/2 bottles of wine. Later, she told me she had a "headache" and asked if I had anything for pain. I offered Tylenol. No, she wanted something with a "kick." Needless to say, they didn't stay long after that because she was looking for prescription medication, and we had none.

My husband told Nick that Hattie was not the type of woman he needed. Nick shrugged off my husband's advice of not seeing her anymore. Personally, I don't want that woman at my house again. If Nick calls and wants to bring Hattie around again, how should we say no? -- BEST FRIEND'S WIFE

DEAR WIFE: Don't say no. Suggest that the four of you go out for dinner and make it a short evening.

DEAR ABBY: When I was in high school I was involved in a car accident that took the lives of two of my friends. I was driving. A deer ran out in front of my car, I swerved to miss it and hit a tree. I was wearing a seatbelt, my friends were not.

The police ruled it an accident. My friends' parents believed me, but because of the comments and physical attacks from my classmates I dropped out of school at 17. I got my GED and moved on -- or so I thought -- until two weeks ago, when I received an invitation to my 20-year reunion.

A handwritten note was enclosed from a girl whom I had thought was my best friend back then. (She turned her back on me when the rumors started.) Her note read: "Come. PLEASE come. I want to see you. We all do."

I don't know what to do. First of all, I dropped out. Second, there will be people there that I do not ever want to see again. My husband and my parents are pressuring me to go. My husband says it will bring me "closure," and my parents say I will look guilty if I don't go. Please help me decide. -- REUNION WORRIES

DEAR REUNION WORRIES: Pick up the phone and call the woman who sent the note. You are not the same person you were 20 years ago, and neither are the classmates who treated you so cruelly. You are now an adult, and you will have your loving husband beside you.

As to "looking guilty" should you choose to stay home -- you weren't guilty when the accident happened and not attending won't make you seem guilty now. If you attend, do so because you have unfinished business. The choice, of course, is yours, but I think you have more to gain by going than you have to lose.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My 31-year-old son calls me only when he's in need of something -- like bailing him out of jail. He never calls just to say hello or ask how I am.

My problem is my guilt feelings. All I can think of is that he's my son and I need to help him. In the meantime I am losing sleep, don't eat right and ignore the rest of my family. How can I help my son and not ignore the rest of my family? -- DISAPPOINTED MOM IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR MOM: Your son will never learn the consequences of his actions unless you stop bailing him out and giving him money. You may think you need to "help" him, but what you are doing ISN'T helping him. It's allowing him to continue to live irresponsibly.

Talk to your spiritual adviser, talk to your husband, consult a psychologist if necessary. But change your focus, because you're directing your attention away from the people who really need you -- and that's the rest of your family. And I'll bet in return you'll get the kind of attention you need.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 13-year-old girl. My parents own a small business, and I have to work there every day. The only time I get to see my friends is at school or if they visit me. I know my parents are trying to protect me, but I think I'm old enough to take care of myself. They promise that if I do my chores I can go see my friends, but after I have finished, they change their minds.

I think they are trying to keep me from having a normal lifestyle. Please help me. -- CAGED BIRD IN SACRAMENTO

DEAR CAGED BIRD: Do your parents know and approve of your friends? Do they know their parents? Do they know where you will be going, how you will get there and back, and whether there will be supervision? Are they confident they can trust your word and that you will be back when you say you will be?

If the answer to these questions is "yes," then I agree, your parents are being overprotective. And further, it is wrong of them to make a promise to you and then break it. After all, trust works both ways.

DEAR ABBY: I have been placed in an uncomfortable situation at my new job. One of my co-workers, "Wade," has begun planning monthly potluck and brown bag lunches where he shares religious videos and asks everyone to pray with him. I saw this time as an opportunity to get to know my new co-workers, but I do not share his religious beliefs, and I'm offended by the message.

I don't want to seem rude to my fellow employees by declining invitations each month, but I don't want to have religion forced on me at social gatherings. What would be an appropriate thing to do in this situation? (By the way, I work at a religiously diverse state university.) -- CONFLICTED CO-WORKER

DEAR CONFLICTED: You mistook your co-worker's religious outreach project for a social gathering. Graciously and consistently decline the invitations. If you are pressed, say that you prefer to do other things on your lunch break. You may find others feel similarly once you draw the line.

P.S. If you are made to feel uncomfortable about your choice, report it to the university's human relations department.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been friends with "Ruth" for more than 40 years. She married, moved away, divorced and raised her family on her own. After 20 years, she moved back to town, and I was thrilled.

But now that we live a half-hour away from each other, Ruth has no interest in spending much time with me. My husband and I aren't ostentatious, but if he buys me a piece of jewelry for my birthday, she makes me feel spoiled and shallow for getting it.

Ruth has turned into a reverse snob who harshly judges anyone who has more than she does. If we go out to lunch (which is rare) and I wear a nice pair of slacks or a sweater, Ruth belittles me. She calls me self-absorbed because I fix my hair and wear makeup. What I see as taking care of myself, she considers vanity and showing off.

I hurt all the time over this. I just don't know what to do. Ruth talks on and on about people being strong and surviving hard times. Maybe I haven't suffered enough to be worthy in her eyes.

I don't know how to handle this, or if I even want to anymore. What should I do? -- TIRED OF IT IN ILLINOIS

DEAR TIRED OF IT: Your friend appears to have had a hard life. Accept that people sometimes grow apart as they mature. If you feel you must see her, dress simply, leave your jewelry at home and exclude the topic of grooming from your conversation.

People who are unhappy with themselves sometimes take it out on others. During your years apart, Ruth seems to have picked up a lot of baggage. Accept that you can't fix what's ailing her, refuse to allow her frustration to get to you, and if that doesn't work, see less of her.

DEAR ABBY: As a recent college graduate, what should I do when potential employers ask for "salary requirements" along with my cover letter and resume? I am entry-level, to put it optimistically, and in addition to having no idea of what an appropriate salary would be, I feel uncomfortable making such demands given my age and experience level. Can I ignore the request, or must I give them an answer? -- YOUNG JOB SEEKER IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR JOB SEEKER: Do not ignore the request. Employers ask about salary requirements in order to ascertain whether the needs of the applicant are within their ability to pay.

Do a little research and find out what the going rate is for entry-level positions in your area. You will find the information by visiting your public library and reviewing some of the trade publications in your field.

DEAR ABBY: I have been reading your column for many years. When I see a letter of interest, I read it aloud to a couple of co-workers during the lunch break.

A couple of months ago, one of my co-workers stated that your columns are "asked and answered" by you. In other words, he suggested that the letters are fabricated. Is there any way you could help me convince him that they aren't? -- TIM IN LONG BEACH

DEAR TIM: Probably not. However, I am not guilty as charged. The truth is, I could never make up anything as interesting -- and sometimes bizarre -- as the letters and e-mails that cross my desk every week. And that's the gospel truth.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)