DEAR ABBY: I'm hosting what's called a Naked Ladies Party. It's where all the women come over with all the clothing, accessories, jewelry, etc. they no longer want. We strip down to our skivvies, try on each other's stuff, then vote on who should get to keep it. (Basically, we just swap items to get new ones.)

I have a very good friend I'd like to invite, but she is significantly larger than the rest of us and wouldn't fit into any of our clothes. She acts like she's not sensitive about it, but I don't want to embarrass her by inviting her.

She and I work together and some of the women from work are invited, so she will find out about it. I feel like no matter what I do, I'm going to hurt her feelings or put her in an embarrassing situation. What should I do? -- IN A PICKLE IN LAKEWOOD, OHIO

DEAR IN A PICKLE: Talk to your friend about the party and let her know exactly what it's about. While she may not be comfortable stripping down to her skivvies and the clothing wouldn't be appropriate, she might be interested in the accessories and the female bonding. Let her decide.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter's 21-year-old boyfriend, "James," tries to make her jealous by complimenting me or making inappropriate comments about me to her. I have only recently been made aware of what he's doing because he has never directed his comments to me -- only to my daughter.

"Monica" is a beautiful young woman. I am a 53-year-old mom, attractive for my age but nothing special. It is apparent James is playing some kind of mind game with her, and it has begun to have a negative impact on her relationship with me. I think my daughter needs to move on to a more mature guy. What do you suggest? -- JUST A MOM IN GRAPEVINE, TEXAS

DEAR JUST A MOM: Either your daughter's boyfriend has formed a gigantic crush on you, or she's dating the most insensitive guy on the planet. Whatever is motivating him, the outlook is not good for her, and I hope she'll accept that the relationship is going nowhere positive and give that heel the boot.

DEAR ABBY: I was taught that a performance receives a standing ovation when it is truly spectacular. When you are especially moved or inspired, you show your appreciation by standing. Abby, every show I go to now receives a standing ovation. I don't always join in. I feel it should mean something, not just be expected at the end of every show.

I'm tired of getting the "evil eye" from people standing around me because I didn't feel an ovation was warranted. Don't get me wrong, I'm still generous with my applause and take into consideration all the aspects of the show. (For example, I wouldn't expect a play featuring 5-year-olds to be held to the same standard as a Broadway show.)

Am I wrong? Should I stand with everyone else, and am I confused about the meaning of standing ovations? Or should I remain seated? -- RELUCTANT IN MADISON, WIS.

DEAR RELUCTANT: If you don't feel a performance merits a standing ovation, stay in your seat. Do not let the reaction of other audience members intimidate you. It's possible they may be related to someone in the show, or even be the producers.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: "Missing the Old Days in Arizona City" (May 8), the mother of a small child, wondered how parents can feel safe raising kids in a world that is "crazy and scary." I, too, worry about the state of the world today, but find comfort in my children and in the fact that I am trying to raise them to be among the "good guys."

When I was a brand-new mom, I was in an elevator with two teenage boys. When the door opened, one of the boys stated to get off first. The other boy put his arm in front of his friend and motioned for me to go ahead. I was moved by his simple gesture of thoughtfulness and good manners. I thanked him and asked him to also thank his mother for me, for doing such a wonderful job raising such a polite young man. I promised myself that day that I would raise my children (I now have three) to be like him.

Please tell "Missing the Old Days" there is good everywhere. She just needs to look for it and to always acknowledge polite gestures so her children and others can see that there is still civility in this "scary place" we call home. -- MARGIE IN RENO, NEV.

DEAR MARGIE: I like the way you think. As more people respond to each other with kindness, we create a more positive world in which to live, one good deed at a time. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am so tired of people talking about how civilization is falling apart. Human history is filled with senseless acts of violence that I am sure predate the written word. I think that because the media today are able to bring us violence from across the globe, it appears to be more prevalent.

You cannot live your life in fear of what might happen. You can only do your best to prevent bad things from happening to yourself and to others. Stand up and say "That's not right" when you see something "bad" happen. Only through our own actions can we change the world we live in. -- PHILLIP IN BATTLE CREEK

DEAR ABBY: I, too, get discouraged by the negativity portrayed by the media. But I've found that volunteering is a great way to find renewed faith in humanity. Even if it's just an hour or two a month at a shelter or a local organization, it is uplifting to come together with others who are also trying to do good. -- WILLING TO HELP IN GRANITE CITY, ILL.

DEAR ABBY: I agree with your advice. My husband and I have a 13-month-old son. Like any loving parent, I want to provide a better world for him and all other children. We make choices in our lifestyle that foster a safe and loving environment. We limit TV, treasure our family time, and protect him from exposure to anything we deem inappropriate for his age.

I want to show my son that even though bad things happen, each of us has the power to help others. Our children learn these important lessons through our example.

Rather than despair about news that often makes me want to cry, I have decided to take action. I want to do everything I possibly can to improve the world my child will inherit and teach him how to take care of it when it's his turn. -- A MOTHER AND TEACHER IN VIRGINIA BEACH, VA.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: For the past 25 years, my husband, "Don," has had his hair cut by a woman I'll call "Barber-Ella." She's slim, attractive and full of energy. Don has mentioned that she often pats him on the leg and kind of flirts with him.

We have been married 35 years, and I've never had a reason to mistrust him. Our life hasn't been a bed of roses. We have a 30-year-old disabled daughter who lives with us. I have rheumatoid arthritis, which causes me pain and saps my energy. The medication has made me gain weight in my belly and face, and I feel unattractive.

Barber-Ella seems to have a lot of influence on Don. She persuades him to buy certain products, and once talked him out of a medical procedure "because it went wrong for a friend." Recently he told me she has been telling him dirty jokes and using four-letter words in the telling. Don says, "She likes to see how red my ears get." Although she is married, I'm not convinced that's all she's up to.

I feel this woman's behavior is inappropriate. Does this have more to do with my own insecurities than with her? Why does she do this? Should I ask him to change stylists? Should I call her and ask when she'll be adding lap dances to her services?

I don't want to put Don on the defensive or make it seem like I don't trust him. Please give me your opinion because I'm losing perspective. -- REALLY UPSET IN ST. PAUL, MINN.

DEAR UPSET: Gladly, and here it is: Your husband has been Barber-Ella's client for 25 years. She probably flirts with him because she thinks he likes it. (Her other male clients may also find it flattering.) As to the jokes, she may tell them because she heard them from other clients, thinks they're funny and is trying to entertain him. If any of this posed a threat to you, your husband would not tell you about it.

I'm a strong believer in patterns of behavior. Unless your spouse is getting more haircuts than he needs and his time is unaccounted for, I don't think you have anything to worry about.

DEAR ABBY: I am the youngest of four girls. I share a room with my sister, "Noelle," who is the next-to-the-youngest. We fight a lot. Recently, during an argument, Noelle told me our oldest sister told her our parents only had me because Dad wanted to try "one more time" for a boy. She said Dad was disappointed that I was a girl and wished they hadn't had a fourth kid.

I don't know if this is true. My sister could have said it to be mean. It makes sense, though. I mean, what man wouldn't be hoping for a boy after three girls? It hurts me to think that I wasn't really wanted.

I love my dad, and I think he loves me, but I always did have the feeling that he was somehow disappointed in me and loved my older sisters more. I'm afraid to talk to him about it for fear of finding out that it's true. What should I do? -- HURT IN SACRAMENTO

DEAR HURT: If you're afraid to talk to your father, then you should tell your mother what Noelle said. It was nasty, calculated to hurt, and I'd be very surprised if there was any truth to it.

Let's look at it logically. If that were true, then it would apply to sister No. 2 and Noelle -- not just you. Not every man longs for a son. Some are very happy to be surrounded by women and the center of attention.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)