DEAR ABBY: "Nobody's Grandma" (June 12) is sad about her children's desire to remain childless. I would encourage her to seek out a family in her neighborhood, church or other shared connections who live far from family or have no grandparents.

I lived far from both sets of grandparents when I was young. An older couple who lived next door "adopted" us. They invited my siblings and me over to bake cookies and play cards, and filled the grandparent void in our young lives. In turn, we looked out for them and included them in our family events.

They were dear, special people to whom I remain indebted for their love and kindness. My children now play with the handcrafted toys from "Grandpa's" workshop, and I still make "Grandma's" wonderful angel food cake. -- AN ADOPTED GRANDCHILD IN WAYNESVILLE, OHIO

DEAR GRANDCHILD: Your experience with your adopted grandparents exemplifies my advice to "Nobody's Grandma." While many of my readers agreed with me, a few offered a different perspective. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: The offspring of "Nobody's Grandma" should be congratulated on their decision. Worldwide food shortages, poverty, pollution, global warming and religious bigotry against birth control have resulted in the greatest crisis facing the world today -- overpopulation. -- AN 83-YEAR-OLD "OPA"

DEAR ABBY: Have you heard of the Foster Grandparent Program? It's a federal program for people 60 years old and over. We work with children who need a little extra help in schools or in other areas where needed. The children I "foster" say I'm more like a grandma to them than some of their own grandmothers. I love and nurture them like my own -- and I have 26 grandchildren and 13 great-grandchildren. -- GRANDMA ANITA

DEAR ABBY: I sympathize with "Nobody's Grandma." I will probably never have grandchildren either because my only child has developmental disabilities. Sometimes I feel cheated, but I have learned it is better to appreciate what you have and to accept what you can't change. -- C.T. IN HAWAII

DEAR ABBY: Although my wife and I are blessed with nine biological grandkids, with No. 10 on the way, about a dozen or more children call us "Grandma" and "Grandpa." While our kids were growing up, we tended to informally collect other kids from less-than-happy homes who called us Mom and Dad. These young folks grew up and had children of their own who consider us their grandparents.

Look around your community. There are many children who desperately need grandparents to love and be loved by. Your life, as well as theirs, will be greatly enriched. -- EVERYBODY'S GRANDPA

DEAR ABBY: When I was born, "Aunt Sarah," a semi-retired colleague of Mom's, offered to baby-sit once a week to give my mom a chance to run errands. Aunt Sarah became an adopted grandmother to my brothers and me. She would play games with us, take us to fast-food restaurants, and to a playground afterward to burn off our burgers and fries. She always made sure we were well-dressed and even gave us money for college.

Aunt Sarah passed away a few months ago, but I'm fortunate to have had her in my life for 26 years. I hope "Nobody's Grandma" will take your suggestion to heart. She and her husband could have a great impact on the lives of some very lucky children. -- SARAH'S GRANDDAUGHTER

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY MUSLIM READERS: Ramadan is beginning -- may your fast be an easy one!

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: When my wife sees lingerie she likes in a store, she asks me to buy it for her birthday or our anniversary. The problem is, she'll wear the item only once and never wear it again. She has a fortune in lingerie in her dresser drawer just taking up space.

I hate wasting money. Do you have any advice for me? -- FREDERICK, BUT NOT IN HOLLYWOOD

DEAR FRED: I see your point and do have a few thoughts on the subject. First, you are a sweet and generous husband to give your wife the lingerie she's requesting.

Now: Allow me to share a feminine secret. When women spy a display of "fabulous" lingerie, we often fantasize that we'll look like Giselle Bundchen when we put it on. Sadly, when there's no one to airbrush the image, that often doesn't turn out to be the case.

Also, lingerie displayed in a shop window isn't always practical for everyday wear. It may not offer enough support, look lumpy under outerwear, or worse, turn out to be scratchy.

Before the next special occasion, suggest to your wife that you go shopping together. That way, perhaps you and she can select something wearable, practical and pretty -- and you won't feel so frustrated.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing this letter to make amends to a former co-worker. This incident happened years ago. I have no idea where this lady is, or I would say it directly, but I am hoping she will see it in your column.

"Dear Former Co-Worker: Many years ago, your husband sexually molested your daughter. It was in the paper and on the news. You came to work every day looking distraught, and I did and said nothing. I didn't know what to say and didn't want to add to your pain, so I didn't speak up. I have always regretted it. I felt your sorrow and respected your courage. I want you to know that I cared about you and what you and your daughter were going through. I'm sorry I didn't have the courage to say a kind or sympathetic word.

"I still think of you and wish I hadn't held back. I know what a hard time this was for you on many levels. I sincerely apologize and hope you and your daughter are OK. I also hope you can forgive me for being a coward." -- YOUR FORMER CO-WORKER, LESLIE

DEAR LESLIE: I, too, hope your former co-worker sees your letter. However, whether she does or not, it sets an example for others who see someone in distress and don't know how to reach out. When someone is in pain, knowing that someone cares can be of great comfort.

DEAR ABBY: I grew up in a family of girls. Our parents always told us we could do anything a boy could do, and we did. However, when our brother was born, everything changed.

He is now 40 and has never been able to hold a job longer than a month. He has a college degree, a wife who works and three wonderful little girls. Our parents are in their 80s and continue to pay his bills! Mom even takes his clothes to the cleaners. How can we get our brother to stop taking advantage of our parents? -- BIG SISTER IN TEXAS

DEAR BIG SISTER: I think you have it backward. By turning your brother into an object of worship and failing to teach him responsibility and independence, your parents have done all they could to allow themselves to be taken advantage of.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My son is the recipient of a four-year college scholarship with full tuition. He selected and applied to this school. The problem is, he now wants to transfer to another college. This means he would finish his sophomore year and give up two years of the scholarship.

The reason he has given us is "a lot of his friends go there." I have been upset over this to the point of tears. We're a working-class family that struggles to cover the cost of his dorm and his meals. My son says I'm being difficult. How does a parent handle this? -- THINKING AHEAD IN GADSDEN, ALA.

DEAR THINKING AHEAD: If you haven't already done so, you and your husband should sit down, explain the financial realities of his changing schools, and ask him how he plans to pay for his education in the absence of his scholarship. If he is prepared to take student loans and work his way through, then as a young ADULT, that is what he will have to do. You can advise against it, but the choice will be his and so will the consequences. Be sure he's fully informed.

DEAR ABBY: I am 11 years old. My problem is my dad won't spend time with me. He always has friends over, or he's too tired. I have written letters to him to hang with me and how I feel. Now what should I do? -- LONELY GIRL IN MAINE

DEAR LONELY GIRL: Because you have already tried getting through to your father, ask your mother to talk to him about his priorities. Perhaps another adult can help him understand that spending time with you is more important than hanging with his buddies.

Believe me, you have my sympathy. When fathers were handed out, you got one who doesn't understand the responsibilities that go along with being a parent. It is very important that you recognize that this in no way is a reflection on YOU.

If, after your mother speaks to your dad, he still doesn't see the light, then rather than brood, try filling your time with other things such as Girl Scouting, sports, hobbies and church youth activities. In the end, the loss will be your father's because these are important years that he will never be able to get back or do over again.

DEAR ABBY: I work in a restaurant, and one of the biggest complaints I hear every summer is how cold it is inside. We keep the temperature set at a constant 72 degrees year-round. Could you please remind people that for the comfort and safety of those who are cooking and serving that it needs to be slightly cooler inside? Please bring a sweater for your comfort. Even 72 degrees is not cool enough when you're working in a restaurant. -- HOT IN NEW PARIS, OHIO

DEAR HOT: As someone who has frozen my behind off in more restaurants that I can count, your customers have my sympathy. Because this is a complaint you receive every summer, someone should suggest to your manager that the air-conditioning system be checked by a professional to ensure it is operating properly -- and that all areas of the restaurant are properly balanced.

Because this problem occurs so often in the summer, of course women should bring along something to cover their shoulders. Men are lucky. Most don't have this problem because nature blessed them with their own natural fur coats.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)