DEAR ABBY: My husband is not very good when it comes to taking care of his car. He never changes the oil -- he just keeps adding new oil to the existing.

I have my own vehicle, and I'm always on him to change his oil. I have given him coupons, nagged, begged -- you name it. Because of his neglect, his engine burned out and had to be replaced at a cost of $5,000. It was money our family could hardly afford.

Should I take his car in to get regular oil changes, further enhancing his lack of maturity and responsibility? Or should I continue to allow him to take care of his car himself and possibly cost us more money in future repairs? -- MOTOR MAMA IN MOBILE

DEAR MOTOR MAMA: In very few marriages are the responsibilities divided exactly down the middle. I'm not implying that you become a beast of burden. However, if there is any doubt in your mind that this experience could be repeated, I recommend that you do your irresponsible spouse a favor and take the car in for servicing. It could save you a bundle.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 26-year-old man. All my life I was taught that the way to a woman's heart is to treat her like a queen. I have tried, and the result has been a marriage that ended in divorce and a string of failed relationships "because I am too good to be true."

Are there so few good guys left that women actually believe that? What do women really want? When I am just myself, I am told I'm "just like everyone else -- 'fake' until the real relationship begins!" Please help me understand why these women are so quick to pick the bad guy and run from us good guys. Am I doing something wrong? -- MIXED UP IN MISSOURI

DEAR MIXED UP: Where are you meeting these dolls? It's obvious to me that you need to widen your circle of acquaintances and fish in a different dating pool. A woman who would say something like what you have quoted in your letter appears to be so bitter and damaged by her past relationships that she no longer has the ability to trust and get involved in a healthy one.

You're not doing anything wrong, so please don't give up. You will find "Miss Right," but not in the places you've been looking.

DEAR ABBY: Please help my wife and me settle a dispute we have been having for the past few years. We have been married to each other twice. The first time was for six years. We divorced for three years, but eventually realized we were better off with each other and have now been happily remarried for 22 years.

When we celebrate our anniversary, we cannot agree on the number of years to celebrate. In the case of our current anniversary, do we say we're celebrating 28 years (the total number of years we've been married) or just from the last wedding date, which would be 22 years? -- STILL CONFUSED AFTER ALL THESE YEARS

DEAR STILL CONFUSED: The answer to your question depends upon whether you're a pragmatist, a romantic or a realist. If you're a pragmatist, the answer is 22 years. If you're a romantic it's 28 years. And if you're a realist you'll smile, say, "Yes, Dear," and let your wife decide.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Is it me, or do others agree that it's tacky to announce to anyone within earshot how much money someone has spent on an item? I have a friend who brags constantly about the amount she spends on clothing and other things. I also suspect that she inflates the actual figures most of the time. How would you respond to a statement such as, "This new shirt I bought cost me $200"? -- NOT A SPENDTHRIFT IN BALTIMORE

DEAR NOT A SPENDTHRIFT: It depends upon how I wanted her to feel. If I wanted to make her feel guilty, I'd say, "Gee, that's the amount I just donated to the food bank." If I wanted her to feel envious, I'd tell her, "Really? I just put that amount in high-yield CDs." And if I wanted to make her miserable, I'd say, "It just went on sale at 70 percent off."

Or I could tell her the shirt is beautiful -- but that wouldn't be as much fun.

DEAR ABBY: For the life of me, I cannot understand why being a single person seems to make some people uncomfortable. Occasionally, I really do want to do something by myself. If I say, "One for dinner," why would someone ask, "Are you by yourself?" If I purchase one ticket for a show, why would someone try to find "someone nice" for me to sit next to?

I am not a rude person, but this happens often. I am astonished at the number of times I am made to feel that I must provide some sort of explanation. Does this happen to single men as well as to women? All I want is to be treated with respect and not be made to feel as though I don't belong. Is there something I can say in these situations, or must I simply tolerate it? -- SINGLE DINER IN HOUSTON

DEAR SINGLE DINER: The people who say these things and make these offers are well-meaning, and yes, it does happen to single men, too. The way to handle it is to smile sweetly and reply, "Thank you, but that won't be necessary."

DEAR ABBY: I'm 39 and a college graduate with plenty of common sense. I'm not stupid, yet throughout my life I have had trouble differentiating between left and right, east and west. Any explanation? -- LOST IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR LOST: There is a name for your problem. It's "directional dyslexia," and intelligence level has nothing to do with it. Fortunately for you, cell phones can be outfitted with GPS devices to help you find your way.

And as to your difficulty differentiating between left and right, hold both hands in front of you with palms out and thumbs touching. Notice how the angle of your left hand forms an "L"? I hope this solves your problem.

DEAR ABBY: Please help me. Several years ago, my granddaughter -- age 17 -- beat me up. It was awful. She beat me all over and broke my knee. I have forgiven her, but somehow it eats at me. What should I do? I will never forget that beating, which happened because I wouldn't let her drive my car. -- GEORGIA GRANDMOTHER

DEAR GRANDMOTHER: May I be blunt? It's amazing that you were able to forgive your granddaughter for her unforgivable behavior. But forgiving does not mean that you should ever forget what happened to you. My advice is to keep your distance and never be alone with her because her impulse control is absent, and she could have killed you.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 50-year-old woman, soon to marry my longtime partner, "Julie," in San Francisco. We have the blessing of her family.

Although Julie and I have always gotten along well with my elderly mom, we have not yet told her that we are a couple because we are not sure she understands and accepts gay relationships.

Our friends feel Mom deserves the benefit of the doubt and should be included in this important event in her daughter's life. If she can't adapt, so be it -– but at least she'd know. Besides, my friends say she'll find out anyway, sooner or later, and be hurt and angry to have been excluded. What should we do, Abby? –- BEWILDERED IN THE BAY AREA

DEAR BEWILDERED: Listen to your friends because they are right. If you and Julie have been partners for a "long time," the chances are great that your mother already knows the score. Give her the good news and the chance to stand up and be counted. You may be pleasantly surprised, and if you're not, at least you'll know where you stand. It's the honest thing to do, and we're decades removed from the era when someone's sexual orientation was a guilty secret.

DEAR ABBY: I just got off the phone with a friend who makes me envious. "Sally" is a nice person with a great attitude. She married an intelligent, confident man who has become successful and has always been crazy about her. She lives in a beautiful home and has never had to work. She has a close and loving family who travels all over the world together, celebrating every occasion.

When she finishes telling me about her wonderful life, she then asks about mine. But, Abby, I just can't bring myself to tell her about my boring job, my unsuccessful husband, my parents who fight constantly and my average children. So I lie and say that everything is "fine," and after I hang up I feel like a miserable failure.

Sally is one of my dearest friends, and I would hate to end the friendship, but every conversation with her makes me feel worse. What should I do? -– ENVIOUS OF SALLY

DEAR ENVIOUS: First of all, stop measuring yourself and your life against your friend, who may or may not be telling you EVERYTHING that's going on in her life. The fact that Sally's house is bigger, her husband makes more money than yours does and they travel often does not make her more "successful" than you.

What you need is an attitude adjustment. Grab a piece of paper, sit down and start listing the blessings in your life, starting with your health and that of your family. Your husband is working and so are you. Many people aren't so fortunate.

Your children may not be straight-A students or star athletes, but are they productive? Reasonably well-adjusted? Happy? OK, so your parents fight. If they're still together after battling all these years, could it be the way they communicate?

What I'm trying to help you see is that although your life is different from your friend's, you are successful, too. And the next time Sally asks you about your life, you should level with her and let her really get to know you.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)