DEAR ABBY: My women friends and I are having a disagreement about whether we should put our children in the car first, or load our groceries first. One friend says that she starts her car to cool it off, buckles her children in and then loads her groceries. Another friend insists that you should put your kids in last, so if your car gets hijacked your children won't be in the car.

However, I had my baby sitting in the front of the cart while I unloaded my groceries when another car backed up so fast that she came within an inch of hitting my baby in the cart. I let out a blood-curdling scream, and she stopped her car just in time.

Wouldn't it be easier to buckle my older child and baby in the car before unloading my groceries? -– PAM IN HOUSTON

DEAR PAM: The rule of thumb should be to load your most precious cargo first. Once the children are secured, the groceries can be placed inside. The odds of your car being hijacked are far less than, say, the grocery cart with the child in it rolling away while your hands are occupied with a grocery bag, or, as you have already experienced, an inattentive driver hitting it.

DEAR ABBY: My granddaughter took me to a large shopping center to buy some things I needed. While she finished her shopping, I waited in the food court, watching the crowd.

All of a sudden, a woman who had just walked by turned back, put her arms around me, gave me a squeeze and said, "You are blessed. You have saved my day." Confused, I asked, "What did I do?"

"You smiled at me," she answered, and walked away.

Abby, I'll be 99 in a few months. I have smiled all my life, but never dreamed it could make such a difference in someone's life -– especially my own.

I promised myself then and there to smile a lot more, and I hope those who read this will resolve to do the same. It takes only 13 muscles to smile, and it's worth the effort. Look at yourself in the mirror and smile. See the difference? -– KATHRYN OF A MILLION SMILES, MANSFIELD, OHIO

DEAR KATHRYN: A smile is contagious. It's an acknowledgment of another person's worth, and usually an indication that the smiler feels good about him- or herself. And who's to say –- it might even have something to do with your longevity. Here's hoping you'll be sharing that glow for many years to come.

DEAR ABBY: Now that election time is nearing, I would like to address a question that invariably comes up this time of year. That is, people asking me who I voted for. I think this is a personal subject. I am registered with a party and support it at election time. Who I vote for is my business.

My answer is, "I voted for the person I want to win." Sometimes this is not good enough for some people, and they insist I tell who I voted for. I just repeat my answer and go on. Any advice on this? -– REGISTERED VOTER IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR REGISTERED VOTER: I agree that it's nobody's business for whom you voted. What I find interesting is, if I answer the question and my candidate isn't the one my questioner prefers, I then hear a recitation of the other candidate's campaign slogans.

You are handling the situation correctly.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I work in a doctor's office where some of our elderly patients are dropped off by a transportation company. These patients often have no one with them or meeting them in the office.

If the person is coherent, it's not a problem. But when the patient isn't, then he or she is unable to fill out the forms or give us insurance information. Sometimes the people may not even know why they are in our office. Of course, this means they are unable to discuss their problem with the doctor. We assist these patients as much as we can, helping them fill out the forms, etc., but this is a busy office, and it causes other patients to be delayed as well as the doctor.

We don't blame the transportation services, but we are asking that someone accompany the patient and be prepared to fill out our forms even if the patient has been there before because the information must be updated every year.

If the patient has a designated power of attorney, then that's who should accompany the patient and be sure to bring the power of attorney papers along.

It's heartbreaking to see this scenario. We can't provide proper care if the patient can't communicate the problem to us and the doctor. I hope nursing homes and loved ones will read this and do what's best for the patient. -- AN OFFICE THAT CARES IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR OFFICE THAT CARES: You have raised an important issue, and thank you for pointing it out. It would be a good idea for doctors to require that patients who are unable to speak for themselves have an escort.

Ideally, the patient's family should see that their family member has someone in attendance. Some assisted-living facilities do send an escort or an aide. However, if that is not possible, then a case management program should be set up by a social worker, either through the nursing home or the hospital.

DEAR ABBY: I'm struggling with a question of family loyalty. I grew up in a broken home with no father and was subjected to various kinds of abuse. I'm now 21 and have had a serious boyfriend, "Will," for several years. Will's family has always welcomed me with open arms, and I enjoy being with them. They are easy to love, unlike my own family.

Of course I love my mom and sibling. We have been through a lot together. The problem is, I prefer spending holidays and trips home with Will's family rather than my own. His family get-togethers are filled with laughter, games and stimulating conversation. When my family gets together, there is nothing but negative talk about people, jobs, the future –- basically everything. There are often screaming matches and swearing, with me listening with tears in my eyes.

I endured the environment during my entire childhood, and I don't want to go back to it. Am I being disloyal in choosing my boyfriend's family over my own the majority of the time? –- DIVIDED IN MILWAUKEE

DEAR DIVIDED: Considering the circumstances, I don't think you are being disloyal. However, rather that writing your family off entirely, allot a certain amount of time to see them. When the negativity starts, explain that it makes you very uncomfortable when they act that way, and that you're going to Will's house. It will send a pointed message that may be overdue.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband is not very good when it comes to taking care of his car. He never changes the oil -- he just keeps adding new oil to the existing.

I have my own vehicle, and I'm always on him to change his oil. I have given him coupons, nagged, begged -- you name it. Because of his neglect, his engine burned out and had to be replaced at a cost of $5,000. It was money our family could hardly afford.

Should I take his car in to get regular oil changes, further enhancing his lack of maturity and responsibility? Or should I continue to allow him to take care of his car himself and possibly cost us more money in future repairs? -- MOTOR MAMA IN MOBILE

DEAR MOTOR MAMA: In very few marriages are the responsibilities divided exactly down the middle. I'm not implying that you become a beast of burden. However, if there is any doubt in your mind that this experience could be repeated, I recommend that you do your irresponsible spouse a favor and take the car in for servicing. It could save you a bundle.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 26-year-old man. All my life I was taught that the way to a woman's heart is to treat her like a queen. I have tried, and the result has been a marriage that ended in divorce and a string of failed relationships "because I am too good to be true."

Are there so few good guys left that women actually believe that? What do women really want? When I am just myself, I am told I'm "just like everyone else -- 'fake' until the real relationship begins!" Please help me understand why these women are so quick to pick the bad guy and run from us good guys. Am I doing something wrong? -- MIXED UP IN MISSOURI

DEAR MIXED UP: Where are you meeting these dolls? It's obvious to me that you need to widen your circle of acquaintances and fish in a different dating pool. A woman who would say something like what you have quoted in your letter appears to be so bitter and damaged by her past relationships that she no longer has the ability to trust and get involved in a healthy one.

You're not doing anything wrong, so please don't give up. You will find "Miss Right," but not in the places you've been looking.

DEAR ABBY: Please help my wife and me settle a dispute we have been having for the past few years. We have been married to each other twice. The first time was for six years. We divorced for three years, but eventually realized we were better off with each other and have now been happily remarried for 22 years.

When we celebrate our anniversary, we cannot agree on the number of years to celebrate. In the case of our current anniversary, do we say we're celebrating 28 years (the total number of years we've been married) or just from the last wedding date, which would be 22 years? -- STILL CONFUSED AFTER ALL THESE YEARS

DEAR STILL CONFUSED: The answer to your question depends upon whether you're a pragmatist, a romantic or a realist. If you're a pragmatist, the answer is 22 years. If you're a romantic it's 28 years. And if you're a realist you'll smile, say, "Yes, Dear," and let your wife decide.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)