DEAR ABBY: My father left my mother for a woman I'll call "Sheila" he met at work. I was only 7. My brother was 9 at the time; he committed suicide at the age of 20.

My father and Sheila eventually married and had four children who are now grown. Their oldest was born while my parents were still legally married.

My mother never wanted a divorce. She gave him one reluctantly when she knew all was lost, but she never got over it. Although Mom never said an unkind word about my father, she was never the same woman. Basically, she devoted her life to my brother and me, her home and her full-time job. She died last year after a brief illness, and my father didn't even attend the funeral.

Two weeks ago, I received a long letter from one of Dad and Sheila's kids. In it she told me that she had nothing to do with what happened, so couldn't we get to know one another? She extended an open invitation to lunch or dinner.

The thought of getting close to the offspring of the woman who broke up my parents' marriage and caused my mother so much pain is surreal. Abby, what do you think I should do? -- DISCONCERTED IN NEW YORK

DEAR DISCONCERTED: Thank you for asking. I think you should take your half-sister up on her offer and meet her. She's right -- she had nothing to do with the unhappy ending to your parents' marriage.

While I can understand your anger and bitterness, please try to keep an open mind and go with no expectations. This woman may -- or may not -- be the most sensitive of the bunch, and it will be interesting to find out why she reached out to you. As I see it, you have nothing to lose, and she may be able to give you a new perspective.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "George," and I have been living together about five years. We both have children from previous relationships. My daughter is 11; George's daughter, "Sophie," is 8. She doesn't live with us, but George has her every other weekend.

I'm sad to say that after all these years, I hardly know Sophie. Most of George's weekends with her are spent at his mother's lakefront cottage. This hurts my feelings.

I have told George numerous times that I would like to be more involved in his daughter's life. We plan on being married someday, which would make me Sophie's stepmother. George tells me that because he doesn't see Sophie that often, he would like it to be quality time. I involve him in everything in my life, and I would like him to do the same. What should I do? -- UNWANTED IN GRAND RAPIDS

DEAR UNWANTED: I suspect that your gentleman friend's reluctance to involve you in his daughter's life goes beyond the idea that it might negatively affect his "quality time" with her.

After all this time, he should have begun integrating you into Sophie's life, if he planned on marrying you any time in the foreseeable future. It is possible that his reluctance may have something to do with the wishes of her mother, who may have insisted when visitation began that the child be separated from you. Not knowing George or his ex it's difficult to project what might be going on. But you should definitely find out -- the sooner the better -- because you deserve some straight answers.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I was engaged for 18 months to "Jerry," a man I wanted to marry. We become engaged after dating for six months, but we had known each other three years before becoming romantically involved.

A few weeks ago, Jerry announced that he wants to end our engagement because he is going through a "selfish period" in his life and wants to be able to go out without feeling guilty.

I believe Jerry is seeing someone else, but he is adamant that this is only for him -- his chance to be independent. He said he wants me to give him a chance to possibly rekindle our relationship in a year. I don't know if I'm willing to do that. Any advice? -- BROKENHEARTED IN PHOENIX

DEAR BROKENHEARTED: Yes. It appears your former fiance is commitment-phobic. Whether Jerry is seeing someone or not is beside the point. He wants to be free to look around, and if he can't "do any better" in a year he may "possibly" come back -- or not. (Give him marks for honesty!)

My advice is to consider this romance a thing of the past. Use the next 12 months to do some serious looking around yourself. If by chance you're still available -- and willing -- when Jerry is "possibly" ready to rekindle the relationship, do so ONLY if he agrees to complete a course of couples counseling with you. Unless you do, this man will break your heart again.

DEAR ABBY: I am an 11-year-old girl. My mommy was diagnosed with MS a few months ago. I would like to help the hospital raise money to find a cure to fix her and others like her.

Ten percent of my bat mitzvah money is going to find a cure for MS. My sister says it's a stupid idea because if there was a cure they would have already found one. Do you think I'm doing the right thing? -- WANTS TO FIX MOMMY

DEAR WANTS: You're doing a wise and wonderful thing. If the medical community thought the way your sister does, they would still be hitting people on the head with rocks in order to anesthetize them for surgery, and none of the miraculous medical advances of the last 100 years would have come about. The answer to diseases like your mother's lies in research -- and research costs money. Please don't let yourself be intimidated. Your instincts are excellent.

DEAR ABBY: Every three or four months I am invited to spend a night at my married daughter's home.

While I am sitting at the breakfast table having my morning cereal, her husband will walk in, fix his coffee and cereal, then take it back into the bedroom, leaving me alone. I mentioned it to my daughter. She said that's his routine. I think it's rude, and I don't feel like visiting anymore. I can have coffee alone in my own home. Any suggestions? -- ONE UNHAPPY MOM

DEAR UNHAPPY MOM: Surely you aren't spending the night at your daughter's in order to be entertained by your son-in-law in the morning. Unless he avoids you in the evenings too, accept that he isn't a morning person and read the newspaper or turn on the news. But please don't pout. It's an unattractive habit.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been a poll worker for years. I would appreciate it if you would print this important advice to voters:

Before Election Day, voters should check the sample ballot they receive in the mail for their precinct number and the location of their polling place. Polling places can change for a variety of reasons. Often several voting precincts are housed in one location. If a person goes to the wrong location -- perhaps because they have voted there before -- it can take considerable time and effort to direct the person correctly. Nearly all these problems would be avoided if people read the information on the sample ballot and brought it with them on Election Day.

Also, the voting booth is not the place to review and make decisions about the candidates and issues. This should be done in advance (another reason for the sample ballot). The booth is for one purpose: to mark your ballot. It is inconsiderate to occupy the space for an extended period of time, especially near closing time.

Poll workers have an extremely long day, arriving an hour before polls open, and often working for hours more after the polls close. A prepared voter makes a great contribution to making the election process a positive one for all concerned. -- CALIFORNIA POLL WORKER

DEAR POLL WORKER: Thank you for writing. Because the turnout for this year's national election is sure to be one for the record books, your message is a timely one.

Now, allow me to share one of my own: There is usually a shortage of people willing to volunteer as poll workers. For those interested in serving, your county registrar of voters, local election board or its equivalent is the place to sign up. The number is listed in the "Government" section of your local phone book. I was a poll worker years ago, and found the experience was both interesting and fun -- and also a great way to meet practically every other single person in the precinct.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Nick," and I have been married five years. Two years ago, his 18-year-old son molested my 7-year-old daughter. It tore our family apart and we are going through a divorce.

Nick is an alcoholic and an enabler. He paid all his son's bills and even sent him money when he was in jail. My problem is, I still love my husband. However, I know that under the circumstances we would always have problems.

How can I make Nick understand that the drinking and taking care of his son after what he did is what really tore us apart? And how do I move forward? -- TRYING TO MOVE FORWARD

DEAR TRYING: If you haven't been able to make your husband understand what ended the marriage by now, you may never be able to. Until he dries out, nothing will sink in because he won't be able to retain the information.

You must move forward one step at a time with the full understanding that you are doing so in order to protect your little girl from her predatory former stepbrother. No one said it would be easy, but your child is depending on you. Her welfare must come first.

Believe me, I sympathize with you. But you are doing the right thing.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)