DEAR ABBY: From time to time you have mentioned how to order "Please Call Police" banners in your column. They are not only a wonderful idea, but also an effective way to assist people with disabilities -- a concept that has become meaningful to me since turning 88 last January.

Last winter the power went out and my cell phone charger stopped working. All my phones were dead. Lucky for me, the power came back on in my area by noon, but it didn't in other areas. It can be alarming when we can no longer take charge in these emergencies. My sister checks on me, but when the phone lines went out, the message said "line busy," so she didn't know there was a problem.

I live in a mobile home park where folks take care of each other when we can. I called my neighbor across the street to tell him which window I will put my banner in if I need help, and he asked me if I would order one for him and possibly some for our other neighbors. Thank you for this service, Abby. If you print the ordering information again, it will help a lot of other folks. -- ELIZABETH IN COLORADO

DEAR ELIZABETH: I'm glad to oblige. Every year that I have mentioned the "Please Call Police" banners, readers have sent me testimonials relating how handy they can be to have. People usually order two at a time -- one for the windshield and another for the rear window of their cars -- and keep them in the glove compartment.

This year, in addition to the banners and Mylar blankets, reusable "green" cloth shopping bags (for the ecology-minded) are also being offered. These are ideal for all your daily needs, including marketing.

The items are offered by the Westside Center for Independent Living, a nonprofit organization that helps people with disabilities to live more independent lives. For a $4 contribution, you can order one banner, one Mylar blanket or one "green" (cloth) shopping bag from WCIL Banner, P.O. Box 92501, Los Angeles, CA 90009. (Please include an additional $2 per total order for postage and handling to each address and allow 4 to 6 weeks for delivery.) For more information and secure ordering online, visit � HYPERLINK "http://www.wcil.org" �www.wcil.org� and click on "Police Banners," "Emergency Blankets" or "Green Bags."

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have decided to sell our house and move south. We plan to purchase a mobile home. I asked our adult children what they thought of our decision.

One son made a quick trip home. Most of what he had to say pertained to issues from the past. One remark stung: He said that my husband and I had not showered or used deodorant on the day of my mother's funeral. True, we didn't shower that morning, but we had the night before. Because we depend on well water and had three extra people in the house, we wouldn't have had enough for all five of us to get a warm shower. We did use deodorant and cologne, and my husband put on aftershave.

We were crushed by our son's comment. I no longer wish to be an overnight guest in his home because I know they will be watching my every move. I would be preoccupied with worry about whether I have body odor. I love my son and our daughter-in-law, but the thought of being around them now makes me uncomfortable. -- NOT A SMELLY MOTHER

DEAR NOT: Your son was obviously angry with you and his father when he made that trip to see you. Could it have been because he felt that the house should be a part of his inheritance? Whether or not you bathed or showered on the morning of your mother's funeral is, frankly none of your son's business. What doesn't pass the "sniff test" is that he would throw it up to you at this late date.

I don't blame you for feeling reluctant to be a houseguest in your son's home, nor should you, until he displays a serious attitude adjustment and offers the apology you are due.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married a year and a half. I was childless; she came into the marriage with three sons. The middle son went to live with his father, and I bonded with the oldest (age 17) and the youngest (age 9). Both boys called me Dad, and I called them my sons.

Two months ago, the older boy, "Troy," was killed in a car wreck. Friends and family came to console "Cynthia," but not me. The only time they talked to me was to ask how she was doing. When it came time to plan the services, Cynthia and her family did everything. No one asked me a question or for my opinion.

Troy was my son, too -- "step" or not. The pain of losing him is real and profound. I have tried to be there for Cynthia, but she has distanced herself from me. She has received cards, letters and phone calls, but I am having a difficult time dealing with the grief and loss, too. Why can't people realize that Troy was loved by both of us, not just by his mother? -- IN PAIN IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR IN PAIN: Please know you have my deepest sympathy for the loss of your stepson. It's possible that you didn't receive more support because people -- in the midst of their own grief -- didn't realize you needed it. You may feel "distanced" from your wife because she is grieving so deeply she is unable to communicate.

I hope the two of you will join a grief support group. It may bring you closer again and bring you some degree of comfort. Your religious adviser should be able to help you locate one.

A group that has been mentioned in my column before -- The Compassionate Friends -- can also be helpful. Founded in 1969, it has 600 chapters and offers mutual assistance, friendship and understanding to families following the death of a child. Its Web site is www.compassionatefriends.org, and the toll-free telephone number is (877) 969-0010.

DEAR ABBY: What is "true forgiveness"? I said some terrible things to a friend in anger and didn't hear from her for a few weeks. Recently, I received an e-mail saying she "forgave" me but no longer wants to keep in touch, adding that it is important for her to know that I am happy.

I wrote back saying I still want to stay in touch and remain friends. I apologized profusely for my lapse in judgment, but she hasn't responded.

Abby, I thought forgiveness meant to absolve, to cease to feel resentment -- to "wipe the slate clean." Am I wrong to feel that? Isn't she still holding a grudge against me? I realize it's up to her to communicate, but I'm confused how she can claim she forgives me while still harboring bad feelings. Can you help? -- PERPLEXED IN SOUTH DAKOTA

DEAR PERPLEXED: To forgive someone does not mean that you develop amnesia. While the woman you hurt may not be holding a grudge, she may consider you too "dangerous" to allow back into her life. May I offer a word of advice to you? Continue moseying on down the road of life, and in the future watch your mouth, or eventually you may find yourself friendless.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: May I point out something to "Mannerly Mom in Cumberland" (July 23)? She's the woman who, after thanking someone, becomes offended when she hears, "No problem," rather than, "You're welcome."

In many languages, the literal response to "Thank you" translates to, "It was nothing." So a reply of "No problem" is not entirely inappropriate. In fact, it makes more sense to me than, "You're welcome," which I don't understand at all. I am welcome to what?

If "Mannerly Mom" is really worried about teaching her children proper manners, shouldn't she be more concerned that they DO respond in acknowledgement rather than insist that they use the proper words? To me, that would be a much more valuable lesson. -– DENNIS IN ROCHESTER, N.Y.

DEAR DENNIS: According to Webster's New World Dictionary, "You're welcome" means, "You're under no obligation for the favor given." But allow me to share with you that the topic of whether it's appropriate to respond to a "Thank you" with "No problem" is one that energized more than a few of my older readers to say they find it offensive. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I never realized how often "No problem" was used until last year, when a speaker at our customer service seminar drew our attention to the issue. Since then, our company has set national standards against the use of "No problem," which has become a standard response to "Thank you."

I would like to suggest an alternative: "My pleasure," which conveys a completely different feeling. Saying this to customers makes them feel as though you were happy to be of service to them. -- JUST A NOTE FROM KANSAS

DEAR ABBY: I agree with you that language is evolving, but one reason is that so many cultures are present -- and becoming more prevalent -- in the U.S. In Spanish, the literal translation of "de nada" is "It's nothing." Surprisingly, in England, "You're welcome" is not commonly used. I'm married to a Brit and found it strange that my flawlessly mannered mother-in-law would just smile and nod. My husband has taken to saying, "No worries," which is quite Australian. -- APRIL IN MAPLE GROVE, MINN.

DEAR ABBY: Here in the South, the common response to a thank you (especially with younger service-industry people) is "Uh-huh." Oh, how I long to hear "No problem." If I take the time to thank people for service, please make some effort to acknowledge my thanks. "Uh-huh" sounds absentminded, as though the speaker has already mentally moved on. -- PREFERS "NO PROBLEM"

DEAR ABBY: It has been my experience that young people use the phrase indiscriminately for every statement or question put to them. "No problem" -- like some four-letter words -- betrays a lack of vocabulary or unwillingness (born of laziness) to use more precise language. In addition, this response implies that the other party might have thought there was a possible problem when that implication was not intended. -- DANIEL IN KISSIMME, FLA.

DEAR ABBY: Your readers might be interested in the way "Thank you" is responded to in other countries. In England, there is no response. The service has been rendered, the server thanked, the transaction is complete. In French- or Spanish-speaking countries, the proper response is, "It's nothing." In Arabic-speaking countries it's, "No thanks for doing my duty," and in China it's, "No thanks are necessary." My favorite: When I said "Thank you" in my best Korean to a young Korean woman, she replied, "No problem!" -- INDIANA LINGUIST

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)