DEAR ABBY: My husband cheated on me, so I decided to end the marriage. I didn't tell anyone the true reason behind the divorce because I wanted to keep it private.

My 14-year-old daughter is extremely angry with me and blames me for the divorce. Her father can do no wrong in her eyes. I have custody, and our house has become a war zone.

So far, I have revealed no details to her except that we both love her and our marriage simply did not work out. I am tempted to tell her the truth, hoping we can call a truce and try to get our relationship back on track. Is this a bad idea? -- WANTS TO DISCLOSE

DEAR WANTS: I understand the temptation to unload, but yield to it only if there is no other way. If you and your husband are on speaking terms -- and for your daughter's sake, I hope you are -- schedule some time for the three of you to get together and talk about the divorce. At that time, HE should reinforce to her that the divorce was mutual, and you should not be blamed for it.

P.S. If there is one particular woman involved, your daughter will be meeting her pretty soon. Many 14-year-olds are quite worldly these days, and she'll likely draw the right conclusions herself.

DEAR ABBY: My grandmother died recently after being hospitalized for more than a year. My boyfriend, "Tom," has a sister who is a registered nurse at the hospital where Gramma was staying. "Gail" was one of my grandmother's nurses and would often tell Tom about the treatments. It bothered me because I felt it was a breach of confidentiality, and I sometimes wondered if she discussed Gramma's condition with others as well.

The day Gramma died, I was working. Tom came to the restaurant where I work to give me the sad news. I became emotional and asked Tom how he knew. He explained that Gail had called him.

I understand that Tom wanted me to hear the news in person, but my family had decided they would wait to tell me until after I got home from work that evening, which is what I would have preferred.

Gail may not have meant any harm, but I don't believe what she did was right or fair. Should I report her to the hospital? I am still furious about it. -- SAD AND CONFUSED IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR SAD AND CONFUSED: Yes, you should. The administrators need to know that the patient privacy policies they have in place are being violated, since an employee who would do this to you is likely to be doing it to others, which could lead to a lawsuit. However, you should be prepared for the fact that reporting your boyfriend's sister will probably end the romance.

DEAR ABBY: I'm not a negative person, but I rarely laugh at anything. My husband of eight years is growing tired of the fact that I find nothing funny. Is it possible for someone to lack a sense of humor, and do you have any advice for me? –- NO FUNNY BONE IN UTAH

DEAR NO FUNNY BONE: There are people who have little or no sense of humor. Others appreciate humor and will smile, but do not laugh out loud. This is why some television shows have laugh tracks.

I'm sorry your husband is "growing tired" of the fact that you find nothing funny, but he should have known what you were like when he married you. Perhaps it's time he concentrated on developing his serious side. Tell him that -- but do it with a smile.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Our financial adviser, "Wally," who has managed our finances for a number of years, sent us a letter asking us to donate to a charity he is starting.

We feel like we are being held hostage because he knows how much money we have and how we spend it. We feel Wally has crossed the line of professionalism. What do you think, and what should we do? -- SOLICITED IN OHIO

DEAR SOLICITED: You are entitled to your feelings, and here's how to handle it. Write Wally a small check for his new charity and enclose with it a short note wishing him success with his newfound cause. Close by telling him that everyone has causes that are close to their hearts -- including you and your husband -- and because you know this one is important to him, you are sending him a ONE-TIME donation. If he solicits you after that, find another financial adviser.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 15 and live with my mom. We often paint our nails. The problem is, my mom shakes the nail polish worse than anyone. I heard recently that shaking a bottle of nail polish creates air bubbles and makes the polish thinner. (This came from a professional manicurist.) But my mom won't believe me. She thinks this professional is crazy. Can you please tell everyone that there is a reason why you never see manicurists shake their bottles? It's a horrible habit, and it drives me nuts. -- PEEVED IN GREENVILLE, N.C.

DEAR PEEVED: Before judging your mother so harshly, you might be wise to talk to more than one professional manicurist about what causes bubbles. I have seen many professional manicurists shake the bottles of polish before applying it to their clients. And I have been told that applying polish that is not fresh, or applying it too thickly can cause it to bubble.

DEAR ABBY: The letters I see you print about "acts of kindness" always give me a lift, so I thought I'd tell you about mine.

I was nine months pregnant and had a few errands to run -- taking some clothes to the Laundromat, cashing my husband's paycheck, etc.

While I was transferring my laundry from the washing machine to the dryer, I turned around to find that my purses, detergent and a magazine I had been reading were all missing. I frantically searched everywhere, including the trash bins inside and outside. Because I had just cashed the paycheck, the thieves got away with almost $600 in cash.

A woman who had just walked in and witnessed my frantic search, came over and handed me $20 to "get by." Being stressed out and hormonal, I was floored by her kind gesture and started to cry. She gave me a big hug, and her kindness got me through the day.

I went into labor that night and gave birth to a gorgeous baby girl. I will never forget the woman's gentle nature, or the fact that even though I was victimized by someone who couldn't miss the fact that I was extremely pregnant, I also encountered an act of kindness. I hope she knows what a difference she made and that I still remember her, 15 years later. -- CHRISTY IN GREELEY, COLO.

DEAR CHRISTY: Considering the fact that you not only got a hug and $20, but also a priceless bundle of joy from heaven, I'd have to say you came out a winner that day, wouldn't you?

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "Andrew" for five years. I consider him to be my best friend. We have known each other for six years. I am 38, and Andrew is 33.

My problem is Andrew thinks I'm 34. I didn't exactly tell him my true age way back when, and he believes I am four years younger than I actually am.

We want children, and I know that this is the time to come clean. But I'm not sure how my husband will react when he hears the news, and I'm afraid he may leave me. I have prayed about this, and it seems the best course is the truth. What should I do? -- YOUNGER THAN MY YEARS

DEAR YOUNGER: It would be better to tell your husband the truth while your biological clock is still ticking, rather than wait until the alarm goes off and your ovaries shut down. Because you want to start a family, this is something you need to also discuss with your gynecologist because a pregnancy after the age of 35 can be considered "high risk," and age can also have an impact on a woman's ability to conceive. If Andrew loves you, I doubt that he'll leave you -- but if you lied on your marriage license, you committed fraud, and he may have the grounds to do so.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 15, and class pictures are coming soon -- again. I think I look better in photographs when I am not smiling. If I don't smile for my school picture, though, the photographers make a fuss over it and insist upon taking it over and over until I give in and smile. I explain why I don't like to smile for pictures, but they won't listen. What can I say to them that will get them to let me look the way I want in my pictures?

By the way, my parents don't care what my school picture looks like because we get professional portraits done as a family each year. -- "SAY CHEESE" IN FOLSOM, CALIF.

DEAR "SAY CHEESE": The only thing worse than a scowl is a smile that looks forced. If you prefer not to open your mouth and "grin," that should be your privilege.

There is a compromise you can strike. For a more pleasant expression without "smiling," just lift the corners of your eyes and mouth a quarter of an inch. (Try it in front of a mirror.) That's what I recommend you do this year.

DEAR ABBY: Please help. My husband of 52 years is going deaf, but he refuses to get a hearing aid. He claims we don't have the money. (Not true.) I have to tell him everything two or three times, and it's making me crazy. Sometimes he'll misquote something our pastor said in church, and I have to tell him he heard it wrong. What can I do? -- LOSING MY SANITY IN GEORGIA

DEAR LOSING YOUR SANITY: When the senses begin to erode, it is not uncommon for the person to go into denial. Contact your husband's doctor, explain what's going on and tell him or her that your husband needs to be evaluated by an audiologist. At his next annual physical, his doctor should refer him to one. That's when you should assert yourself and not let him "forget" the appointment.

A hearing aid may -- or may not -- be the solution to your husband's problem, but the cost of a hearing aid would be a small price to pay to save your sanity.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)